Whats your opinion on this?

Question

My mother has cancer for about the 6th time. And she has been an alcoholic for more than 3 quarters of my life. I am currently a 20 year old college student btw. But since she has cancer, i honestly, and i mean this, i wouldn't mind seeing her die from this.

I know it sounds bad for the most part but i just get so angry at her because she blames everyone else for her "miserable life". When I, along with my dad, and siblings have done everything to make her feel better. Granted, we didn't do everything in the perfect way, but still.

She is getting a divorce with my dad, and she just talks bad about him all the time. The only time he ever said anything bad about her, was when he was explaining to me why he was getting the divorce. It just angers me soo much that she says she wish she could help me financially, when 75% of her paycheck goes to whiskey.

oh and please don't tell me what i should do. I have done everything. I just want to know if you think its bad of me to feel this way

Answer 1

I think its very natural for you to feel this way but I think after she dies you will regret feeling this way. She is your mother and once she is dead you will miss her driving you crazy.Don't wish her dead.

Answer 2

What's my opinion?  Get her out of your life!  Don't communicate with her at all.  That way you won't have to deal with any mixed emotions if she dies soon.  Estrange yourself from her for a while and you'll be dull to her.

Answer 3

no, but as you get older, you will think of her and understand some of her demons. i had a terrible relationship with my mother too, but now that she is gone, i can understand some of her insanity. you only have one mother, good or bad. your mom is having a hard time dealing with her pain and impending death. just pacify her and make her last days happy. do this for yourself...NOT HER. that way you will be able to sleep at night. trust me, i did this when my mother was dying. i can sleep at night.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for your situation, and your feelings are understandable--perhaps a little extreme, but I haven't been through your ordeal so who am I to judge?

Your mother is obviously unhappy, perhaps fears death, and is taking it out on those closest to her.  Frankly, it's pretty common behavior among those who have no hope for an after life or who are not saved.  She feels life has dealt her and unfair hand and she cannot seem to cope.  Alcohol helps her forget her misery and lack of control over her doomed future.  Who's to say that, were any one of us in her shoes, we'd not react similarly?

My concern is that in time you may regret or feel guilty about the anger you're experiencing now.  After she's gone, it will be too late to make amends--even if she is the one distancing herself from the family.  I know it will be difficult, but try to remain as neutral as possible.  Both she and your father need your support right now.  

For your own sake, make sure now that when she does pass away, your conscience will be clear, that you'll have no regrets and that you can honestly say you did all you could do to please her and make her proud.

Answer 5

yes i think it is bad,but you can't help the way you feel.What i think you should do is just spend time with her cause she could die at anytime and you could never see her again!!! the only thing you have to do is love her unconditionally.

Answer 6

I think it is sad that you feel that way. She thinks she is beyond help and feels like there is no hope.

So she drinks to feel better. Like being addicted to anything, it does help for a while then the high is gone and she feels worse. It is a vicious cycle.

I guess you need some assurance that it is ok for you to feel the way you do. Well it is. You can honestly say you have done enough and it is on your mom that she feels the way she does.

Maybe you should just forgive your mom and let

your anger go. You will feel better and will not care

what she does or says because you know it is not your problem.

Answer 7

hmm thats tough, in some way it is bad because wishing for any one to die is wrong. but i can understand where you are coming from.

Answer 8

You are not wrong for how you feel but that is your mother and you only have one. You can't let her blame you for her life choices. Take whatever she does with a grain of salt. Sounds like a lot like my mother LOL!