When I ask my partner to stop leaving cigarette butts, rubbish, dirty clothes and rubbish around the house...?

Question

he acts like I am being really unreasonable and says I have obsessive compulsive disorder because I want the house to be perfect. He starts calling me "princess" or "master" when I ask him to make more of an effort with things like his cigarette butts. He says if I don't like it then I should clean up after him. Do you think I am being unfair? How would you feel if someone just left rubbish lying around your home?

Answer 1

My goodness!  Someone who was being disrespectful not only of MY HOME and of MY FEELINGS and making me feel bad for being tidy would be shown the door at MY HOUSE!  I wouldn't TOLERATE someone being not only an inconsiderate boob, but a messy slob to boot.  I think the question you should be asking is why are you letting him talk that way to you?  He must have know BEFORE your were housemates that you are a tidy person, just like you knew he was a smoker.  Did you not know he was a slob too?  There either is some middle ground somewhere, and my answer to Princess and Master would be "While you are down there bowing, pick up your junk and throw it in the trash please!"  I would say, IF HE DOESN'T LIKE PERHAPS HE NEEDS TO MOVE ALONG so you can have someone much more respectful, cleaner and not such an inconsiderate putz!  It sounds as if he needs to grow up and act like an adult!   Good luck!

Answer 2

I would feel upset living with someone like that...is it possible to sit down with him and discuss this in depth?  Maybe he should go outside to smoke and maybe you all need to come up with a calendar of weekly household chores and post it on the fridge in clear view...maybe this will help....if it doesnt, youre either going to continue to put up with it or not.

Answer 3

I would start by throwing out all the ashtrays and doing whatever necessary to get him to smoke outside the house (I'm a smoker so I'm not trashing the habit, just the smell and mess). Second I would stop picking up after him. Don't wash his clothes if they aren't in the hamper or wherever you put your dirty clothes. Don't pick up after him at all. Don't say anything else to him about his bad habits, just stop doing for him. If he can't learn to live like a civilized adult and you can't accept him as he is, kick him to the curb and live alone or find someone more suitable to spend your life with.

Answer 4

how can you live with a lazy slob like him, tell him to shape up or ship out

Answer 5

That is a case to case basis girl.

Ask yourself, why do you keep on tolerating him despite of what he keeps on doing to you?

Well a simple answer is because "you cannot lose him".

Right??.

Tell him that fact,. Tell him that what he does to you is underestimating your rights as his girlfriend. But you cannot do the necessary actions because you are afraid that you might lose him.

Tell him that no matter how good sheep's race is, there always emerge a black one which ruins the race's credibility.  

What I mean is everyone has a limit and that guy you are living with, should know that as a fact.

Maltreatment breaks relationships.

MOVE GIRL!!

Answer 6

Most of the other answers don't tell you how little you must think of yourself to be tolerating this behavior. Life is way too short to not be with someone who totally loves and respects you. He is demeaning you by calling you names. He doesn't seem to care enough about you to want you to be at peace. If on the other hand you are way too picky you may need to let minor things go and focus only on the big stuff. I would be analyzing this situation and decide whether to move on sooner rather than latter- most times you can't change other people and you need to decide if this is something you want to live with until you can no longer stand it.

Answer 7

If he's leaving his things all over the house... It's time to get serious NOW... If you want your home to be a certain way for yourself, friends and family he needs to know that he should be responsible for his things.  

I would get a trash bag and dump any of this things that are out of place into it and keep it in the garage.  If his items don't make it into the hamper then they just don't get washed/dried and put away.  He'll soon realize this when he goes to get some underwear and BEHOLD he has none!  

As for his cigarette butts.. That's pretty disgusting-  I would remove the ash trays and get one of those one's they have OUTSIDE and leave it out by the garage...

Rubbish well that too belongs in the trash.  I would put it ontop of his dirty,smelly clothing in the garage....

Good luck

Answer 8

You are NOT being unfair.  But communication before moving in could have prevented this.

Once you start cleaning up after the slob he'll know you always will.

(until the divorce)  State your expectations, listen to his, and compromise.  Butts and rubbish go IN the trash, and clothes go IN the hamper (or tossed to the bottom of the cellar stairs)(we keep a laundry basket there).

He should feel lucky you let him even smoke in the house, that's one nasty habit.

Answer 9

When you ask him to clean up after himself he is acting like you are unreasonable because the best defence is offence. He knows he is in the wrong so he is putting it back on you.

I'm sure he has his good points, but living with someone who doesn't respect you enough to compromise with you is enough to sour the greatest relationship.

I would clean up after him. The catch is that I would put anything he left lying around - magazines, TV remote, all his rubbish and dirty clothes and dirty crockery etc in one big pile - then throw it in a corner out of the way. He then has to hunt out from all his rubbish anything he wants that he's left lying around. If you want to get really snarky you could put it all in his favorite chair perhaps, in his bed, or even just throw it all outside.

I think that would make your point.