When PAPs Help with Medical Bills And Housing?

Question

does this put pressure or obligation upon the mother-to-be to relinquish her child?

Answer 1

Unfortunately for a young woman who's not a 100 percent sure if shes doing the right thing it has to be. But if you have a good support system No .At least for me it wasn't . They wanted to help me,and it made them feel good helping as it made me feel good giving them something they were missing in their life.

Answer 2

I agree with the rest. If the mother to be has a conscience she will feel pressured to relinquish after all that has been done for her and the baby. Besides, how heart wrenching for the AP's if she does change her mind, which she has every right to do. How many times are they expected to go through that?

I don't think any monies should be exchanged until after the finalization.

Answer 3

We never had to pay any of those fees.  We were told that if our birthmother did not have health insurance then we would have to pay for the medical bills AFTER the child was adopted.  We were never informed of any housing expenses.

Hope i helped.

Answer 4

Yep, it's a pressure that the woman should not be placed under. I would rather see counseling for the woman to show her where and how to access all of the government programs and community resources that she needs for prenatal care, hospital maternity stay, maternity clothes, housing assistance, etc. This would help her to see what her options really are and that there is help out there for her.

My son's adoptive parents paid for all of that (except housing) - although it was never made clear to me, I realized that it was being taken care of by agency/APs whomever. There was no reason for them to pay for any of it. I should have been shown the way to access the care that I needed - but that would have promoted my independence and I might have seen that I really could take care of my child and myself financially.

Now, I understand why it is done, "back then"? didn't have a clue what was going on at the time though.

Answer 5

I agree with LaurieDB's response...

Indeed, I think this is a double-edged sword.  

The mother may feel "trapped" and "obligated" to give up her child.  She may feel a high level of coercion attached to those payments.

And also, if the mother does change her mind, the PAPs may feel used or betrayed.  

I think it's better, for both sides, if the PAPs provide no assistance to the mother.  After the child is born, she can then make a decision unencumbered by these ties.  And the PAPs, while they may get their hopes dashed, will at least not feel as though they were taken advantage of if she changes her mind.

Answer 6

I agree with the two answers above me.  

As an adoptive mom, I always worried about adoptions that involved financial support to the bio parents directly because something just didn't "feel" right to me.  

We were told in our adoption, that no money was allowed to change hands at all because of our state laws.  I thought that was interesting.  Even when the bio grandparents wanted to set up a college fund for their grandson, they were told to wait until after the adoption was finalized so as not to put the adoption into jeopardy.

Answer 7

It puts no legal obligation on her at all, but I think it is certainly a form of emotional pressure/coercion.

Answer 8

Definitely!  Receipt of help, particularly financial help, can easily make a woman feel she is indebted and obligated to "complete the deal."  This is especially so since the money the AP's have already started paying are specifically for the child's needs.  It makes it that much harder to decide to parent, as the woman is much more likely to feel she has no right to do so.

Answer 9

I think this is a form of coercion.  In this lies the expectation of relinquishment.

Answer 10

I think it does.  When I started the adoption process, I had my own medical insurance so pregnancy related costs were not an issue and I did not want them to pay for anything.  For the very reasons listed....if I did change my mind, I did not want to feel obligated to hand her over.  The only money they paid were attorney fees.  We took each other out to lunch a few times, but we took turns paying.

Answer 11

yep!  especially if the young woman is ambivelant about relinquishing.  this is why i am 100% AGAINST any paps paying for anything.  this way, no one feels pressured and/or scammed.

Answer 12

The only expense for the birth mother we were asked to pay was a $300 maternity clothing allowance. The money was handled through our separate attorneys. And, in case anyone is wondering, the birth mom did receive the money. We were happy to help, and no, she did not feel  pressured or obligated to stick with her adoption plan because of it.