When Should Your Family Just Let You Go?

Question

6 months ago I moved to North Carolina from California because of family issues. Out in North Carolina I'm still living with family, but I dont like it and I want to go back home to California. I dont have any money because I was working and supporting my nieces while their dead beat parents partied it up.

Now my family (in Cali and in North Carolina) are making me feel back for wanting to go home. I never asked to come out here and frankly I just dont like it. I got a job offer from AT&T wireless and I'm feeling like I should forget that and just leave. I hate it here. In Cali the job market sucks and I know finding a job wont be easy, but like I said I dont care.

What should I do? I'm 20 years old and the guilt trip I'm being sent on is too much. On top of that I dont have any money. Help?!

Answer 1

No one can send you on a guilt trip unless you allow it. You are an adult and free to go whenever you want. Get a hold of yourself and do what you need to do. Your alternative is to spend your life there while they keep you hostage with your own insecurities.

Answer 2

If you are 20 years old you need to start making choices of your own, regardless of what your family wants you to do.  You should try to do what is best for everyone, but in some situations you have to do what is best for YOU.  This is your life and your future.  You might consider taking the job at AT&T for awhile and saving money to make a move later.  You've only been in NC for a short while and you might simply be missing your friends and old life.  That is common, but in time you will find new friends in NC and enjoy this opportunity to be in a new place.  Give it some time before you run away back home.

As a side note:  this is your life and your job and your money.  You should not be supporting children that don't belong to you while your sister or brother and their spouse are partying and wasting the money that should pay for their children.  If they can't care for their children on their own, there is no reason in the world why you should be asked to do so.  If you want custody, then take those kids away from the parents who aren't caring for them.  If you don't want custody, you still have to do what is right by those children and by you.  The parents who don't care for their own children shouldn't be considered.  Just tell them that either they start taking care of those kids the way they should or you will call CPS and have those kids taken away from them.  Then you can talk to other family members and ask if anyone is willing to take the kids in.  I know that sounds harsh, but you have to do what is best for the kids.  Remember, the people who are pushing you to stay in NC and support children that are not yours are not only asking you to sacrifice your future for those kids, they are telling you that they are not willing to do the same and they are enabling the bad parents to continue being bad parents without consequences.