When a couple is undergoing the process for applying to become adoptive parents...?

Question

What parameters are set in place to ensure that they will be good parents?

Do they interview them about their lifestyles, beliefs on discipline, thoughts and knowledge of child development, etc?

Do they complete follow ups to ensure that their newly adopted children are receiving proper care and love?

Answer 1

Yes, healthy and appropriate lifestyles, non-corporal discipline, understanding and knowledge of child development, and many other important issues are assessed.  As well as attitudes about birth parents, expectations of child, child care plans, continuing contact plans, positive adoption language, attitudes regarding diversity, understanding about grief and loss, etc., etc., etc.

In addition, agencies/states/countries require continuing supervision for months or years.  Some countries, such as Russia, require as many as 7 years of supervision.  Adoptive parents are people not to be put on a pedestal.  There are extraordinary ones, average ones, and ones who should not be parents at all, just like with bio families.  So this is a way to greatly increase the odds that the child will be raised in an appropriate family/home.  Maybe we should require this process for all parents?

Answer 2

My parents are adoptive parents, and the road to it (to warn you) was hard. But it was worth it in the end after adopting a beautiful baby girl. But first they give you a fill out form that is very thick and take pictures of your house. They do background checks and the whole kitten capudle. You even have to go to classes. We then got a 7 and 9 year old. We sent them back after 3 months (kids in the system come with a lot of baggage). Since they came with so much baggage, they made tons of false allegations, broke my brothers most cherished items, and almost cracked my brothers neck, and sexually assaulted one of them, unbeleivable. This is heppening to my friend too, so i suggest sticking to babies.

P.S. - I learned from excprerience that 4 and higher cant be changed.

Answer 3

The private agency we are approved through had us each fill out a booklet with over 100 questions on our beliefs, discipline methods, etc. etc. There were extremely personal questions on there and if you filled it out truthfully, there was basically NO issue untouched. They required personal references and did background checks with the police and children's services. They required that we took a class on the adoptive process, and we went through a few interviews with the social worker. I'm not sure about follow ups or how that works as we are still waiting.

So, as far as completely ensuring that the adoptive couple will be good parents- I don't know of any way that they can. People can lie on the questionare, withhold information etc. I don't know how there's even a way to ensure good parenting. Too bad that they couldn't come up with something effective though, especially for the foster system etc.

It's interesting, going through the adoptive process. You fill out a huge personal questionare, hand it to a social worker who is a stranger to you, have it printed off complete with pictures of you, and put in a booklet for people to read that you haven't met. I don't mind it at all as I realize the importance of it, and I think that it's good for them to have the information, but after having a biological son whom I was never so much as asked a simple question regarding his upbringing when he was born... it's just interesting.

Answer 4

I know your beliefs from reading them on this site and others. Do the child a favor, don't apply!

Answer 5

I guess whoever you decide to go through will itemise all this in a checklist.

Answer 6

Yes, we had an attorney that asked all these questions and also a social worker came out to our home a couple of times.  Our social worker came out after our 2 children were born as well- however it kind of interesting to me, and please don't take me wrong here, I think adoptive parents should be screened absolutely- but they why aren't biological parents screened before they can parent? Just a thought.  Just because someone raises their biological child, does not automatically make a great parent- I know- my husband lived with his biological parents- and he had a very hard life.

Answer 7

Hello Old Fashioned Mom

If you are in the USA, the regulations are set by your state. If it is an international adoption, the US CIS [Citizenship and Immigration Service] also makes a determination. However, there apparently are no hard and fast rules - a lot of it is based on the social worker's appraisal of how good a parent you would be and that evaluation is the critical part of the home study.

Are you already a parent? If so, the fact that you have successfully raised or are raising children makes the process much easier. In our case [international adoption], the home study was straightforward.

All the areas you asked about were covered by the home study. There were three follow-up post adoption interviews. The social worker met with us, she met separately with our daughter, and all of us together, and the reports were very positive.

Answer 8

Yes to all the criteria you mention

Answer 9

One of the main things the adoption agency looks at is the income of the family, can they financially be able to properly take care of the child they are wanting to adopt and provide for this child adequately... they also do a thorough background check and check with your family and neighbors and schools and stuff like that u live under a microscope for at least 10 yrs before and after the adoption... even after u make the adoption the agency can step back in and take the child if u decide to be unfit or one of the parents go to jail or whatever... I am talking about this as i watched my bro in law and sister in law lose a baby cause she wasnt totally honest on her background, and when it came time to take the baby home they were denied her because of this... as far as the discipline goes, u need to be firm with any child, but not cruel or mean or unusual forms of punishment... the lifestyles mean alot to a adoption agency and to the welfare of the child... I hope this helps and take care...

Answer 10

We are interviewed in six-10 interivews on everything from parenting styles, discipline (cannot adopt if you believe in spanking in Canada), s*x life, marriage stability, infertility and how you have dealt with that (if applicable), extended famiily, upbringing, local support networks, friends, daily routine, lifestyle, exactly how much you drink, how you handle stress etc. etc.

Then you have a full police interpole check done, a social services and mental health check done, a full medical, full financials, five references that attest to all the above information, then we go through 70 hours of training on importance of continuity and how to deal with teh loss children in adoption face, then when approved and you are matched with child they do many pre placement visits (even for babies) and then once the children/child are here they come to check up:

first week

first month

once per month after or as needed

for one full year.

They are also available as supports should we need any assistance (i.e. if child later develops FAS) and will advocate for any medical appointments etdc.

I think its thorough and does a good job checking.

Thanks for asking.

Answer 11

You can't just order up a child like you would a happy meal at the drive thru at McDonald's.  It is unethical and not fair to the child.

I know you didn't ask about the Caucasian under three month old newborn on this question, but...yeah.  Julie J pointed out a LOT of what makes you you, and while I am sure there are other people out there, and even, God forbid, social workers, who think like you do, and you will somehow be approved to adopt...well yeah.  I just don't think you should.  I think you will treat your adopted child differently then the children you currently have.  

Wow.  I don't know what else to say, but you really shouldn't adopt, and you really should try to find some sort of time machine and transport yourself and your husband back to the 1800's, maybe your views will be a bit less crazy there.

Answer 12

Hi Old Fashioned Mom,

Yes, PAPs are interviewed extensively on all of those items you asked about, plus many others.  

Based on what you have written in your previous questions & answers, it is not likely you will be selected as an adoptive home.  (see links below)

Sorry, unless your views have radically changed in the last month, you are not ready to become an adoptive parent.  I think they will especially object to your racist views & your plans to use corporal punishment.  I've included at least 10 of the many other examples there of why you may be rejected.

julie j

reunited adoptee