When a divorce is forced upon you, how do you "let go" of the person you thought was your best friend and..?

Question

lover, mate, soul-mate. I thought I would be buried next to this woman. How do I let go? I cannot change her mind on the divorce. I just want to know, as a Man, how do I emotionally "let go" of someone? The more I try to let go, the more it seems I want to hold onto her. She asked me for a separation, then a divorce, and was in bed with another man in the same week. However, she was put on some anti-depressant therapy medications, and soon after treatment she decided to leave me. I don't think it's all my fault, nor all her fault. But I can't seem to emotionally "let go". I'm so sad its crazy. How do you "let go" of someone you love so much. I don't understand how to do it.

Answer 1

Don't let go. I'm going through this too, and everyone says I must 'move on'. They are really dumb! Love doesn't stop.

Though my ex has done some horrendous things to the children now, and I no longer think of him as a good, decent person.

But I remember how I was feeling before he turned into Hannibal Lecter.

I know that it is possible to hold onto love, and yet live alone. To remember, and not to deny the good from the past.

Answer 2

All i can say is that trust god.Talk to him!YOu nor I cant fix these things alone.

I just went through a divorce and let me tell you.

Prayer and will is what got me through.

Rely on him,he will get you through.

Stop feeling guilty.

If its what she wants,you cant change it.

good luck my friend!

Answer 3

Go to counseling. Even if it's by yourself. Hold off on signing, with patience and prayer (yes, prayer, hey it's my opinion) she may come back. She's already 'left' you in a manner of speaking, so you not signing the papers will not do anything to her, unless she wants to get married. Sounds like she got messed up from the drugs, which do that to a lot of people. There is so much research out there on these things yet our FDA just keeps pushing them (hey, everyone,if want to check it out for yourselves, just type in the name of any antidepressant and side effects and hit 'search.') So I'm with you it may not be just her.

In the meantime, you have to really just deal with your feelings and every time you have a thought of her, think something positive and then affirm outloud to yourself, 'ok, I've thought of her, now I'm moving on." It takes will power and practice but it can be done. For me, I had an ex who came back into my life briefly in my marriage and I couldn't let go again for a long time. So I found a 'cause.' Everytime I thought of him I would say, "ok, I offer this up. I'm praying for the soldiers in Iraq instead of thinking of him" or something like that and eventually it worked. Offer it up. These are emotional sacrifices of our pain which makes us stronger!!

Answer 4

Well It sounds like its too soon to "let go" right now. It's fresh in your mind, however, try and think of really finding your soulmate. If she had really been your soulmate she never would have done this. Go out and have a drink. Have conversation with other women, boost your ego a little.  

Answer 5

DUDE,

From my experience, it's beter to let go.  The only reason she was born is to make have a true feeling of LOVE but she was not put on this earth for you only.

The reason i say that, i was in a situation like this i broke the relationship. howvever i think of her every day even though im with some one else. The good part about it, now is she has not been in any longterm relationship so she is sleeping with so many men. that's where i was insucure with her. but now think of this as you she's already sleeping with someone. she knows what she's doing. she is one woman you don't have to worry about for the rest of your life. imagine she is with you and still sleeping around   how would you feel. i think you could do something bad to her.  so try to avoid that. let her go be single have a lots women, trust me its better that way.

Answer 6

well to be honest the chances are that she was not as honest with you as you thought.

she probably was seeing this other guy, before you found out.

stop trying to justify or rationalize her behavior.

Start keeping yourself busy. Join a local gym and start a good exercise program.

Buy a nice Mountain Bike or Hybrid bike and ride on the weekends.

In a year or so, hopefully you'll be more accepting and have found a new friend.

Be thankfull that she has been honest, and hasn't kept secrets from you.  That would really drive you nuts.

Put everything that reminds you of her in a box. Don't call her, don't email her.  If she calls you be cordial, if she emails you, respond politely.