When a family member dies...?

Question

Well, in my family when someone dies they seem to assure each other that whoever it is is "In a better place".

I don't say anything about it (I'm an atheist) but yes I do grieve.

Here are questions to Christians and Atheists

Christians: If you had a family member that was a non-believer, according to your beliefs they would go to h**l. Do you still say "They are in a better place?"

Atheists: When someone dies, do you reassure others with "They are in a better place..?"

Answer 1

I don't say they are in a "better place"... I'm more likely to say "at least they are at peace now"

Answer 2

I'm a theist but my father was atheist.

All we said on his funeral was: "He is probably convincing Jesus that God doesn't exist" :P

Answer 3

no i don`t.. i just say that he/she is D.E.A.D. , gone, vanished, does not exist anymore....

Answer 4

I don't tell people things that I know would be untrue just to pacify them.

*Note: If he lived a life away from God how can he  himself expect to be with God in death. This isn't what I'll say but it's true. I'll keep quiet.

I grieve with them. I ask if there's anything they need?

Answer 5

if they are believers i have done, it makes them feel better, and if its their immediate family thats what matters, not my views

anyway, it seems to be a sociological learned habit over so many years its a hard one to break too

especially when you dont know WHAT else to say, i think a lot of us non beleivers use it as a comforting statement now, and not the same as believers use it, ie a truth

Answer 6

I am a Christian, and when a family member passes away that I do not know was saved, I say "I pray that he is in a better place." Although I have had family members pass away that were doing wrong things in their life, I would never assume that they were not saved. ("Saved" means to be forgiven of your sins and saved by the blood of Jesus Christ) Being saved does not mean that you are perfect, it only means that you believe in Jesus and have prayed for him to forgive you of your sins. Everybody sins every day, including Christians. But Christians have already been pre-forgiven of all of their sins: past, present, and future. Once you are saved, you are always saved, no matter what. Christ died once, you get saved once, it's that easy.

Answer 7

I will lie.  I would rather give my Christian family members hope in a time of grieving.  I'm not the type to exploit times of emotional trauma to make a point.

Answer 8

"Atheists: When someone dies, do you reassure others with "They are in a better place..?"

- No, I don't. I like being honest, and I don't feel the need to make stuff up. Especially not in a situation like that.. I do grieve as well. I cry, I weep, I mourn for weeks.. But still, those feelings are very natural, and I think it's much healthier for me to let them come to the surface, instead of sugaring the pill and pretending as if "well, (s)he's up in the sky looking down at us right now!" Honestly, I just don't get why others see that as comforting somehow, because WE are not getting our deceased loved ones back anyway, no matter what we do.

If I need to say something to grieving friends and family about it, it usually goes somewhere along the lines of: "It is better this way. (S)he's not suffering anymore,

(s)he is free from all the pain, and we can still keep him/her in our hearts and in our memories.." I think that's way more honest, and it's actually quite comforting, at least to a certain degree.

Answer 9

I try not to say anything. It's too late for them if they die not knowing Christ. I just quietly think to myself, " I hope they were Saved." It saddens me that you are an atheist, I will pray for God to touch your heart before it's too late for you. The Bible says that we are not guaranteed tomorrow.

Answer 10

I don't get to make the decision about who gets to go where after they die -- which is probably a good thing, because there are an awful lot of bad drivers in Austin who would get a one way ticket to h**l (at least during rush hour)!

Personally -- I believe in an afterlife, and I think a lot of people are going to be surprised when they see who is present in Heaven during the afterlife; and I think that will include Christians, Jews, Muslims, Sikhs, pagans, conservatives, liberals, straights and g**s -- and atheists and agnostics, in all the different races!

One thing, though -- I NEVER try to console someone with "at least they're in a better place".  That didn't do a thing to comfort me when my mother died and when I was widowed; and I'm not going to inflict such a thing on someone else who is grieving!

A comforting hug, a sincere "I'm so sorry for your loss" and making actual arrangements to keep in contact after the death of a loved one does so much more to help the bereaved than "at least now they're in a better place".  

Answer 11

I never tell anyone that their loved one is in a better place.  If they know that, I don't have to.  If they don't know it, they wouldn't understand.

When a non-believer dies, I always pray that I was wrong about that person's spiritual condition (or that he made a deathbed conversion).

And, I generally tell the family that I am sorry for their loss.

Answer 12

I reassure others by speaking of their accomplishments in life and how by knowing the person, my life and the lives of others were enriched. I don't try to invoke 'warm and fuzzy' feelings in others by bringing up the supernatural.

Answer 13

I would grieve if someone close that wasn't a believer died. (Kids or people that don't know better are different.)

I'm not going to let myself be comforted or said "It's okay." because it's important to cry a lot during grieving. (It's part of the process.)

But thank you for asking such a legitimate and professional question. You're the first Atheist I've seen that hasn't attacked religion.

Answer 14

When someone dies without Christ as their personal saviour - we don't just grieve the temporary loss - we mourn woefully over the painful permenant loss of our loved one.

We do not say, "better place" we acknowledge that we will be eternally separated from them. We also know that they are not at peace or resting, because now they face eternal pain. It is a bitter thing to lose our unsaved loved ones. We comfort each other, but are inconsolable over our grief.

It is a horrible loss with no hope for peace.

~May you find His Peace~

Answer 15

There was a case that we Christians like to let people know about.  It is the case of the thief on one of the other crosses the day Jesus was crusified.  He asked the Lord for mercy in his last hours and Jesus told him that he would be in a better place with Jesus at days end.  

It is therefore, not our judgment at the end of someones life to say whether or not they went to Heaven or h**l.  They may have been a sinner right up to their last few hours and called on the Lord for forgiveness or they may have died in their unbelief.  We never know.

Answer 16

I had a relative die three days ago,i don't know what his beliefs were,but

i do hope he is in a better place :(

Answer 17

I consider myself a Christian and reasonably well educated.

I read the Bible differently I guess.

I see where it says the dead experience nothing at all. They are waiting for the resurrection. Then they will be judged according to their deeds and appropriately rewarded.

Is waiting, unaware of anything better than being alive? That is created notions designed to comfort those who grieve.

The common statement I hate is: "God took him". To me, that is blasphemy. The Bible says death is caused by Satan, so why blame God?  

Answer 18

I concentrate on the facts, that the departed is no longer suffering and what effect his/her life had on the rest of us.  I would smile non-commitally at those who needed to express their beliefs in an afterlife.  Funerals and memorials are obviously for the consolation of the survivors, so I am not interested in upsetting people under such circumstances.

Answer 19

As an atheist, I don't say any such thing because I know better.  However, if the person suffered from a long and painful illness, I always reassure them that, at least now, they are resting and they are not longer suffering.  Oddly enough, the grieving have always agreed with me and I've never had an argument on that

Answer 20

If you had a family member that was a non-believer, according to your beliefs they would go to h**l. Do you still say "They are in a better place?"

No, I don't, but I also would not be rude enough to say that to a person who's grieving. What's done is done and after death, you can't really fix it so why hurt someone?

Answer 21

I may say it if they were ill and suffering. The "better place" would then be a place without pain and suffering...so, yeah, in that way I may say it. But otherwise I'd probably say they're at peace or something like that

Answer 22

I would not say "They are in a better place" unless I was convinced in my own mind that they were Christian.  I would just say something like "God is merciful" or "I'll pray for you" or "Call me if I can help you in some way."

I do believe that while there is breath, there is hope.  Sometimes people do get saved on their death bed.  God knows their heart.  John 3:16