When a person says, "I'm sorry, but...", what's the point in saying, "I'm sorry"?

Question

I HATE hearing this. What exactly is the point in saying you're sorry if you're just going to explain why you're not sorry? For instance, my mother would say, "I'm sorry I beat you, but you were really being a brat." Um...yeah, mom, that's not an apology. That's an excuse. I hear this now, as an adult, and I just want to smack people. Am I alone in this?

Answer 1

I understand how you feel.  People usually say 'sorry' so they can get out of the situation or make someone feel better.  Words don't do sh*t, actions do.  You can't atone any sins with an 'I'm sorry" bullshit excuse. I guess people just think they're being polite.  

People never mean it anyway, I know I don't.

Answer 2

they are just telling you you are about to hear something you don't want to hear.

Answer 3

I can't remember who said it but I heard once that when a person is 'explaining' something and it goes like this "blah blah blah BUT blah blah blah" then it is to be understood that everything before the "but" should be disregarded -- it is of no consequence except to be 'palliative' to the speaker himself/herself.

Example:  When someone says, "I really like that color on you BUT the cut of the dress makes your legs look fat." what they really mean is, "That dress makes your legs look fat."

(And I noticed that I used 'but' in my opening sentence.)  :-)

You are NOT alone.  I hate it, too.

Take care!

Answer 4

no your not, i understand its the person just agreeing so your listen to them more than if they said no im not sorry but...people who do this are not sorry and are using it to get out of something..im sorry if you were beat when you were younger thats totally wrong

Answer 5

No, you're not alone.  It's a total oxymoron to apologize for something you feel justified in doing and intend to continue doing.  It's classically dysfunctional.  Sort of like, "Do what I say and not what I do." Or I'm spanking you because you're asking for it.  

Maladjusted adults make terrible parents.  The real challenge is not to recognize that our parents made serious mistakes but to avoid repeating the cycle of abuse with our own kids.