When and how do I explain to my kids that their Grandmother is dying?

Question

I just found out that my mom is dying. She has bone cancer is has been given less than a year to live. She fought it off once about 8 years ago but now it is back and spread throughout her body. My 3 kids (ages 8-12) are very close with their grandmother and spend a lot of time with her. They all have a very close relationship. I am wondering how I should go about talking to them about this situation. Should I wait until she is starting to get very ill or talk to them now? Any one who has gone through this I would appreciate your input. My kids have already lost their father and one sibling and are very, very emotional about losing any more family.

Answer 1

I lost my sister very young and remember it all very clearly I was 3 going on 4 and I wish my mom would have taken me to the funeral (yes I remember the night she died and being watched during the funeral and knowing what was going on but only being told that she has gone away for a lil while) your kids know what death is they lost a sibling and a parent. when my grandpa was dying (I was very close to him) my mom would not let me see him. I wish I would have been able to spend as much time as I could. Tell them she is ill and that she is gonna get worse and soon pass away to go be with their father and sibling. Let them cry let them know they can go to you when ever they need to. Maybe ask your mom if she can sit with you when you tell them. Have grandma answer their questions to a point of honestly. dont lie about when and how she will die but if they ask will it hurt tell them NO. explain whats wrong. try to leave out if it hereditry till they are older.  

Answer 2

I went through a similar situation about 5 months ago.  I broke the news to my kids by putting on a puppet show.  I don't recommend it.  My kids weren't old enough to appreciate a tragic ending to a play.

Answer 3

I would tell them now so they can choose to spend lots of time with her, and love every waking minute they can have with her.  

Answer 4

I would wait till they are she very ill. Then explain to them that grandma very ill and she might not able to make it. Tell them that she be going to heaven. I know it would be hard on them.

Answer 5

Ask your mother if she wants them to know first.  She may not want to burden them with this.  She may want to spend the next year seeing kids who are happy to be around her and not crying because they are going to miss her.

When my father-in-law was dying we didn't tell the kids.  He was happy just having them around and watching them play and be kids.  When he finally went into hospice, we had the chat.  They had 4 days to let him know how they felt about him and vice versa.  It was much easier.

Kids tend to dwell on things.  Especially if it's in front of them all the time.  Reconsider telling them at all.

Answer 6

Yeah you should talk to them now, don't wait. Tell them it's only natural and that death is a part of life.

Answer 7

The same thing happened with my mom 3 yrs ago. She had brain cancer and fought it off for 6 years. We didn't know she was dying but she was slowly but surely. Let me tell you this. Even though you are preparing for it it is hard. Tell your kids. I told all my nieces and nephews what was going on. It was so sad I told my niece that was closest to my mom which was only about 4 then....wow I crying thinking about it. that my mom had to go to heaven with GOD. When my mom finally went a couple of days later my niece came to me and said I want to go heaven with my Grandma. If you want anymore advice please email me. I can really relate to your situation. Good Luck  

Answer 8

the best thing to do is tell them now

just explain to them that grandma is sick but that she has lived a very happy life and that it is for the best

its going to be hard, but there is no way around it

the best thing for you to do is be there for them

im sorry for your losses :[

Answer 9

I'm sorry for you loses.

When my grandfather died, I was in surgery. We knew he was ill, but he went down hill fast. My mom told us that he was sick the moment she found out. We all cried about it, and helped each other through it.

I'm personally glad that my mother gave us all the heads up, it made the fact that he had died not such a blow.

Answer 10

My parents were very forward with me.  I would have preferred if they had simply lied and said she moved to Hawaii.  Then 5 years later when their young minds have basically forgotten she exists pretend like she just died.  

That way they wont care as much.  Sounds twisted, i know, but really the best way to do it w/o as much sadness.

Answer 11

I am sorry about your mother.  For now tell them Grandma is sick.  They are old enough to understand old age and illness.  Make sure they get to spend a lot of time with their grandma - it will be good for them and for her.  As time goes on and she becomes weaker you can explain more.  They will notice and ask.  

Answer 12

First, I just want to say that I am very sorry about the news. Well, let me tell you from experience. I am still in high school but while I was in middle school, my grandfather and uncle died. I think that if you just sit them down and tell them that I think they would understand. But you should be aware of your word choice. I don't think that telling them "oh, your grandmother is dying" is exactly the way to go. Sit them down like in your family room or something and just tell them. Just say "kids, you know that I love you and I care very much about you and anytime you are sad or want someone to talk to, I'm here for you. And that's why I wanted to tell you something. Your grandmother is very sick right now and she is in critical condition. If you want we can visit her whenever you want. I just thought it was important that you guys know so that you realize that even though your grandma is sick, she loves you very much and she always will..... OK? I love you guys." And then just hug and kiss and I think that's good.

Well. I just thought also how did you tell your kids when your husband died?