When considering adoption - what age would you prefer?

Question

We have a 6 yr old son and we are also foster parents. We would like to adopt "eventually". Should the child we adopt be younger than our bio? To keep the birth order straight? Or can it work out if we adopt a child older than he is now? Hmmm... Any insight appreciated!

Answer 1

Adopt a young child and you donot have to worry about tham hating you.

Answer 2

my husband and i would like to adopt a baby if we cant have one of our own... i already have a 10 y/o daughter and 7 y/o son, they both say they want an older brother...lol

Answer 3

Totally depends on the children, and on you.

Most experts say keep to the birth order, but I have seen many blended families who have adopted "out of order" with wonderful results.  

Do you have a child who is really babyish?  Dependent?  Spoiled?

Or, independent?  Self-reliant?  Able to share you?

Would the older child have special needs?  Would the younger child require more of your time?  

Just some things to think about!

Answer 4

I would suggest a child younger than your own, but it doesn't have to be an infant. I think your son would feel put out if another child came along and started getting to do everything first b/c he's older, you know? That's just a thought, but I could be completely mistaken.

Maybe adopt a child around his own age, so that they bond and can actually play together.

Answer 5

It might be easier for your little one if you adopt younger than him.  But at the same time, there is no set rule.  If you think he would be able to be okay with it, go for it.

Answer 6

Younger is typically easier, especially if the kids you've fostered have been younger than your bio child.  However, at age 6 your DS is old enough to talk about issues and you could make an older child adoption work...it just really is more work for all involved.

Answer 7

I have a 9yr, 6yr, and 5yr old (all bio) and we plan on eventually adopting also.  We plan to adopt a child that is YOUNGER than our daughter, although we don't want a baby (I've done midnight feedings three times now....don't need to do it again).  Although, when we start the process, we will not be against adopting any age....it's about finding that child that fits in with your family.

Answer 8

I would recommend keeping the birth order straight.  You should (unless God guides you otherwise) adopt a child younger than your oldest.  It makes it easier on everyone.

One thing we didn't think of when we adopted our daughters is that adoption, by its very nature disrupts the birth order.  You might keep the birth order of the child(ren) already in the home, but the ones coming in probably will be shifted.  In our instance, the boys stayed 1st & 2nd born, but our girls used to be 2nd & 3rd born (until their bio brother died) and then became 1st & 2nd born...now they're 3rd & 4th born...add in the complication that we do foster care & most of the kids who join our family are teens & that gets them to 4th & 5th born. :-)  Complicated, huh?

Answer 9

I am adophted and it depends on how your child feels. Keep him into the conversation and let him know he is apart of the desion. If he like's to be in charge than I suggest get one a year or two younger. If he is passive and doesn't want the big brother responsibility then get one a year older. Ask him were he stands and what he is intrested in. He might not answer right away give him time and hint and he will let you know.