When did it become OK to try and dress your guests?

Question

The other day I saw a question about how to word an invitation to ask the guests to wear just black or white. Most responses said that it wasn't appropriate. The person asking just thought we were all too uptight. I just saw another question from someone that received an invite to a wedding where they were asked to only wear black. I was surprised with how many people thought it was perfectly normal.

I get that its couple's "special day", and sometimes they have unconventional dreams. However, I think it is quite rude to put the burden on the guests. Beyond deciding how formal the event is, you should not be dictating specific colors to your guests. It is an unnecessary burden to them. It isn't just a "request", the guests don't know how many people will listen and they risk looking like a jerk if they don't conform. What happened to inviting people as guests instead of decorations?

I was certainly not alone in thinking that this was wrong, but do that many people really consider this to be acceptable? How would you dress if you received an invite like this?

Answer 1

I would be annoyed, but I would agree to it, only if it was a close friend though.

Personally, I think it's rude.  

Answer 2

We had this experience last year at a family member's wedding. There was this huge discussion as to what sort of attire everyone should wear, what colors, etc... I finally had enough and just said I would wear what I felt comfortable with, as long as it was appropriate for a wedding! Well come to find out, once we all got to the wedding NOBODY dressed the way the invitation stated! It was so funny and I was so glad that I didn't fall into the trap of trying to conform to something that was ridiculous. I agree with you- if you are inviting people to your special day just to have them look good for pictures, or whatever, then thats sad...

Answer 3

It's quite common to ask guests to dress a certain way...even at weddings. Think about it, your prom probably had "formal" somewhere on the invite telling you how to dress. It may not have specified a color, but not all wedding invites do either...alot of them say "black tie" or "black tie optional". That doesn't mean you  have to wear a black tie tux, but it does give you an idea of the level of formality of the event.

The catch is that, with the exception of very few high-end parties or weddings, your guests may or may not adhere to a request.

So, even if a bride/groom puts it on the invite, it is not acceptable for them to pitch a fit come wedding day if a guest chooses to wear something else.

Personally, I'd probably dress with the theme if possible. I'm wouldn't go buy a $1000 dress, but if they asked for black or white, I'd do my best.

Answer 4

I wouldn't GO if I received an invite like that.

Answer 5

I think its nuts.  I'm not about to go out and buy something to wear to a wedding just becuase they decide they want everyone in a particular colour...unless the couple is ok with me not giving a wedding gift.  their wedding gift would be my new outfit in their specified colour.  either that or I show up wearing whatever the heck I feel like.  I mean really!  why would you want wedding and reception pictures where you cant even pick out your guests in a crowd because everyone is wearing the same thing.  

edit:  oh...and for "questions" information...I have been a bride and I had guests in dresses, skirts, pants and jeans at my wedding and I couldnt care less!  there is a difference between being a bride and being a b*tch

Answer 6

I think telling the guest what color to wear is somewhat a good idea, alot of people strees over what to wear to a wedding and i believe this would be helpful.

Answer 7

I dont consider that acceptable. Unless your wedding is going to be featured in Martha Stewart and all the guests are ok with wearing the same color for the photo shoot, its rude to tell guests what COLOR to wear.

I think your question What happened to inviting people as guests instead of decorations? is a good one, and applies to many more situations than just this issue. The things I read on this answer board are shocking at times. Just yesterday someone asked what to give her bridesmaids, in light of the fact that they didnt help her tie bows on the favors and whatnot. I was not aware that bridesmaids were required to be assembly monkeys, and that their performance would determine the quality of their gift.

But back to your question... if the invitation said Black, I would do it because I have a lot of black and dont want to make waves. But if it was white or another color I dont have or dont like wearing, I would ignore the request.

Answer 8

Yeah I agree with you. I think its really, really rude! God, if I recieved an invitation that said ''oh and you muct wear all black'' I would go in the loudest attire I can find just to prove a point. Its one thing to create rules for a wedding eg; no kids, pay for own drinks...etc, but telling someone to wear is plain ridiculous!

Answer 9

The question isn't "when" it's "where". From what I can tell it's a regional thing. I've never heard of it being done in Ontario. Heck, there's places where it would not be considered rude to only invite the wedding guests to one party (the wedding itself). People post here from all over the world, don't assume that the expectations from where the poster is are the same as where you live.

Answer 10

I believe it's perfectly acceptable for a bride and groom to have a "color coded" wedding. Some couples want a white wedding where everything is in white, some want black, red, etc. It's their wedding, and their vision, who are you to trifle with or question it?

I'm not big on the whole bridezilla or "it's her day"/"it's his day" thing, but this, I see no problem with. I don't like when brides come on her fussing over what their guests plan to wear, but that is a completely different matter from a color coded wedding. How is it any different than a dress code?

Answer 11

I SO agree with you.  Your comment of "inviting people as guests instead of decorations" hit the nail squarely on the head.

I've seen other questions on YA about the "selfish people who won't participate in our theme"  or similar claptrap.  I've always sighed to myself and gone on to some other question that I can answer without being rude.

Answer 12

you my dear, must not have been a bride yet! lol!

i think its ok to spread the word that they want you to mainly wear a certain color.

most of the time its easy to find something black. other colors might be a hassel though.

its their day, i would do it for them, i wouldnt say its a burden, no one is holding a gun to their head...

Answer 13

Black and white parties are pretty common, so I guess that is why someone would thing a black and white wedding would be acceptable.  Personally I am not ok with the idea of making your guests where a specific color to a wedding.  If you don't have something to wear to a black and white party, you don't go, you missed a party big deal.  If you don't have something to wear a to black and white wedding you either need to buy something or miss the wedding of a loved one.  MAYBE it would be acceptable if you were having a very small wedding, under 20 people or so, but even that is a maybe.

Answer 14

i know this is a little different :

my cousin is my age.. 3 months older but acts 3 years younger, and she always has her breast hanging out, or has clothes so tight the seams look like their going to bust. or dresses so short if she bends over you can see her undies.

and im sorry if this is rude...but im pulling her aside at thanksgiving and asking her to dress appropriate, and that we will be in a house of worship, and if she shows up dress unappropriate, she will be asked to go change.

now for the other thing... it does sound rude to ask them to wear a certain color

Answer 15

Hi.  I am totally with you.  Unfortunately, Kaitlin and Smuffin don't get it.

OK...I am invited to the shower - a gift

Invited to the wedding - a gift

Then, I need to also go out and purchase an outfit that is "color coded " to what the bride and groom want people to wear?  NOT!!

I do not own a piece of clothing that is white, nor do I own a piece of clothing that is black (unless you want to include shorts).  Why?  Personally, I look horrible in both of those colors.  Everyone has a skin tone that dictates what looks good on them, along, of course, with their personal preferences.

So now brides are dictating the COLOR of dress I need to wear at their wedding?  Good grief!

I think at my age, I can pick out my own clothes...thank you very much.  

Answer 16

I have to laugh because I just got an invitation like that to my FH's cousins weddings. They want everyone to wear black. I think it's crazy. I can understand formal attire requested but it said Black attire requested.

Answer 17

That is totally unacceptable.  I agree in that it is an unnecessary burden to put on the guests.  I would not turn down an invitation just because of that, albeit it would p**s me off.  If I received an invitation that told the guests to wear red, and I just so happened to have a red wedding appropriate dress, I would wear it.  But I sure as h**l would not go out of my way to conform to the bride's ridiculous "request".  I guess it became "okay" when some brides figured that having a wedding equals having the world revolve around them.  Like I said in that other question you mentioned, it sounds a little fascist to me.  And the last time someone dicated what I was wearing, it was my mom and I was ten years old.  I am perfectly capable of dressing myself, thank you very much.

Answer 18

It's a little unorthodox, but I don't see anything the matter with accepting a little request like wearing color.  Unless it's white, that is.

Anyway, the only way I might have a problem is if the invitation requests something more specific (floral prints only; Sunday hats required; all guests should wear pants; etc. etc.).