When do babies learn to put themselves to sleep without being helped?

Question

My baby is 3 months old and still rellys on me to put her to sleep by rocking or feeding her to sleep. If I put her down without doing this she will not sleep. Its as if she dosnt know how to just close her eyes and drift off. Sometimes she goes to sleep if I rock her in her cradle so she is getting better. When did your baby learn to just go to sleep all by themselves? When you can just put them in thier beds and go away and come back and they are fast asleep?

Shes only 3 months old so I do not want to let her cry it out until she is much older. Will she not learn until she gets to the stage where I let her cry it out? I keep trying to put her down awake in the hope that today might be the day she just drifts off all alone. But so far Im not having any luck. How long did it take for your baby to do this?

And another question- at what age was your baby when you had a solid routine going? My daughter has an excellent night time routine but our day times are still a bit of a mess. It takes so long to get her to go down for a nap and she wakes up at all different times so there is still no structure to our day yet

Answer 1

Both my son and daughter knew how to go to sleept themselves from the moment i bought them home... People tell me i'm lucky but a little cry never hurt them... my son always gets put in the cot wide awake and half an hour later is fast asleep... my daughter did then same. As with routines maybe around one month we had a routine going when they were sleeping through then night.

Answer 2

honestly it depends on the baby

Answer 3

At 3 months they can do this...try just putting her down really drowsy. Let her fall asleep while eating,then gently shake her awake (only slightly) and put her down so she can learn to put herself asleep.

I am currently trying this with my own 3 month old son and it seems to be working. Next step is training him to sleep through the night.  

Answer 4

Their sleep cycles do evolve over time but if you let her develop an attachment to either being rocked or nursed to sleep, then the sleep will depend on it.  

I did use CIO method of varying degress with all my kids.  I could lay them down and say good night by about 6 months.  They just got too heavy to rock or walk to sleep and at some point, they become too interested in their surroundings to fall asleep quickly eating.

Even if you don't want to do a full CIO method, it is not a bad idea to just try letting her settle herself for 5 minutes or so and also try varying the method at bedtime.  Some nights rock her, some nights feed her, etc.  Then perhaps she wont' be so strongly attached to one method.  

Keep in mind that the longer you wait on the CIO, the harder it will be... an older baby is more savvy and cries longer, harder and stronger because they have learned to elicit a reaction from you.  

Answer 5

My daughter is 21 months, and still wants me to be there when she falls asleep. Which, I don't see as a problem. I just lay down with her, and once she's out, I sneak away. There isn't anything I *have* to get done while my daughter is falling asleep. If your baby wants to be rocked to sleep, then rock her to sleep. Parents make bed time much more difficult then it has to be.

As for letting her cry when she's older.....why? Just because she's older doesn't make it any less traumatic for her, or you. As infants get older, they find new ways of going to sleep. Just follow her lead, and there will be no tears for either of you.

As for schedules, let your child make her own. If it's taking "forever" to get her to fall asleep, then perhaps she's not tired at that time. Or if she is, and is over-tired, then try putting her to sleep a little earlier.

There doesn't have to be structure to have a sane house. Sleep when she's tired, eat when she's hungry, play when she wants to play. It's as simple as that.

Answer 6

hi yeah i have a baby boy 3mths old born in may, im kinda stuck on the same thing, night times brilliant,but in the day its a mess! never the same time...always somebody dropping by to have a cuddle...so he then gets woken up etc....

???

And im told you dont give baby solids ..cereals etc in with thier feed untill 4..6mts

xx congratulations xx thankgod theres sum1 with questions like mine! sorry couldnt help u more x

Answer 7

check out the book called "Baby Wise". It is a great source I used for getting my baby on a wonderful routine for eating, napping and sleeping.

Answer 8

My son didn't get to the point of putting himself to sleep until he was nine or ten months old. But, honestly I enjoyed the cuddling and nursing him to sleep. It was our time to bond. I never let him cry it out - I just couldn't do it.

Try putting her down when she's very relaxed and drowsy, but not quite asleep. She might fuss a little and you may need to try this several times before it works.

With my oldest son, our routine really was based on him. His naps were hit and miss for probably at least the first year - of course, he never slept through the night until after age 2, either!

Answer 9

My son is 5 months old and he pretty much has started putting himself to sleep I'd say in the last 2-2 1/2 weeks.  Every once in awhile he likes to be cuddled and held.  We also do not have a "set" routine, i just go with the flow pertaining to him.  I also write down every time he eats throughout the day, and he has all his bottles close to one another.  Like one day he'll at 4 and the next day he'll eat around 4:30.  But our night time routine is pretty much the same.  Really I find it to hard to make a "set" schedule because what if we're gone all day?

Answer 10

It's ok to let babies "cry it out" at times. My max is 15 min now that she has been sleeping through the night for 71/2 months. If she is crying any longer then something isn't right. Rule of thumb- babies need to be full, & dry to sleep. Babies thrive on routine. I give my daughter a bath every night, which helps with making her sleepy. If you want to get your baby on a schedule, you will have to do the dame things every night at about the same time. My daughter started sleeping through the night at 2 1/2 months, but not until a week (varies with babies) of her getting used to sleeping on her own in her crib. The first night was the hardest because it took over an hour for her to fall asleep, but the next night the time it took to fall asleep was shorter. I stayed in the room with her until she fell asleep each night. It is ok to pat or rub your baby to help calm them, but once you put them down, that is it- don't pick him/her back up. If you do it lets your baby think that if they cry you will run to them. It is VERY hard not to pick your baby up, but if you want to help establish routine it must be done. Good luck and don't give up!  

Answer 11

depends on the baby and the parent

my son didn't fall asleep without nursing or rocking or bottle until around 10 months old.

Eventually, around that age I rocked him for a few minutes [non-sleeping] and then put him down and he'd fuss a little but after a few night he quit....

now getting him to sleep through the night without a bottle didn't happen for me until 14 months.

He is 18 months and I just do my bedtime routine[ book and bath] dress him., say his prayer and put him down and close the door and he is out.

Bedtime at 3 months was co-sleeping for us cause of breastfeeding and I wentto bed when he did and just watched TV

Naptime at 3 months for me he was still co-sleeping so mommy took a nap with him

my friend's baby slept through the night at 6 weeks

Answer 12

Hi,

I think the most important thing to start with is to get your baby into a good sleep routine.  I had massive problems with getting my 4 month old son to sleep.  He would just lie awake and cry for hours, then when he finally went to sleep he would wake every hour or two hours through the night and cry again!  Talk about pulling our hair out .... we were absolutely desperate for sleep!

It was a baby sleep audio program recommended by a friend that finally saved us. We followed the advice and began by creating a baby sleep routine which included bathtime, dimming of the lights, putting James into his crib, final nappy change and then lullabies. We also made recommended changes to his naps during the day and used some of the other recommended techniques. Within two weeks he was sleeping through the night most nights with just the odd night where he would just wake once!

Definitely start by creating a good baby sleep routine though and you could find that solves most of your baby sleep problems.

Good luck!

If you want to take a look, the audio program is at http://www.babysleepsolution.com

Answer 13

Of course babies will learn to go to sleep on their own -or more to the point from example.  However this is much later than Western culture would have you believe is appropriate.

http://www.askdrsears.com/faq/sl15.asp

This is a common concern, and a common argument against co-sleeping. The answer to your question is: "Yes, he will learn to fall asleep by himself." BUT, it will probably be much later than you are anticipating. Many parents have an unrealistic expectation about when their infants should be able to fall asleep by themselves. I hear people say six months, or one year. In reality, it's usually between 2 and 4 years.

http://kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/comf...

've been told that baby will NEVER learn to go to sleep on his own if we don't teach him...

Never?! It is normal, natural and healthy for your baby to fall asleep nursing. Nursing babies fall asleep so quickly - how can anything so perfectly designed be worrisome? I've read a lot about babies' sleep patterns, and I've talked to many moms about this. Both my reading, my personal experience, and the experiences of other moms has convinced me that falling asleep without nursing is a developmental milestone that your baby will reach when he is ready. The first step often comes when your baby starts to nurse to sleep then stops nursing, rolls away and goes to sleep on his own. Or perhaps he will fall asleep in Daddy's arms when he's walking with him. These incidents may not happen very often at first, but they are the first step and *do* make you realize that it IS possible for baby to fall asleep by himself.

There are many babies who have been nursed to sleep and nursed during the night from birth who eventually learn to fall asleep on their own without the breast. You don't have to teach them to do this. They reach this as a milestone - when they're physically, developmentally, and emotionally ready to. You can try to speed this process along by putting baby to bed before he's asleep, but always nursing him to sleep will *not* keep him from learning this on his own. My daughter started to occasionally fall asleep on her own (or with her Dad) when she was around 11-12 months. Knowing that she *could* go to sleep without me right there really helped, even though she didn't do it too often. As time passes, she's fallen asleep without nursing more and more. We did not "teach" her to do this, or even particularly encourage it. It has simply been a natural developmental progression that came about as *she* was ready for it.



How will baby go to sleep when I'm not there to nurse him, or after he weans?

Many moms are worried about how baby will go to sleep when he enters daycare or weans, and feel that they must teach baby to sleep independently before this time. This is really not necessary, and can add lots of stress to something that is already a big transition for baby . Babies are *very* adaptable and will find new ways to go to sleep when mom is not there. Baby and his other caregiver(s) will work things out just fine, and they will find new ways to comfort baby that work great for both of them. The same will happen when baby weans.

http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0...

How The No-Cry Sleep Solution can help you

Through months of research, personal experience, and working with 60 test case families, I have assembled and organized a wide variety of gentle ways to help your baby sleep through the night. The ideas do not involve letting your baby cry — not even for a minute. You will create a customized plan for your own family based on the ideas, all within a simple and easy-to-follow framework. It's a method that is as gentle and loving as it is effective.

Let me tell you why I became passionate about writing this book:

Fourteen years ago, when my first child, Angela, was a baby, I faced your dilemma: She did not sleep through the night. On the contrary, she woke every two hours for my attention. As a new, inexperienced parent, I searched for solutions in books, articles, and conversations with other parents.

I soon discovered two schools of thought when it comes to babies and sleep:

1.       One side advocates letting a baby cry until she learns to fall asleep on her own.

2.       The other side says that it is a parent's job to nurture the baby — all day and all night — and eventually, when your baby is ready, she will sleep through the night.

In a nutshell, the two methods can be summed up as “cry it out” or “live with it.” I wanted neither. I knew there had to be a kinder way, a road somewhere between nighttime neglect and daytime exhaustion that would be nurturing for my baby and for me.

Those many years ago, I felt guilty and selfish when I began to wish for an uninterrupted night's sleep. To reconcile my own instincts regarding Angela's nighttime needs with the fatigue that hampered my daytime parenting was nearly impossible. Time p

http://www.naturalchild.org/tine_theveni...

We are born needing. We have need for air, food, sleep, and shelter. We have need for intellectual and physical stimulation. We have a need to be loved and touched.2 If any of these needs goes fully or even partially unattended, the person hurts; and in the case of an emotional wound, the person may spend the rest of his life struggling to soothe the initial hurt.3

Gesell argues that a child passes through predictable stages of development at predictable times.4 Thus what might seem to become a habit, may be simply a gratification of a need.

[...]

If the body indicates a need for food, treating it like a habit and disregarding it will not make the hunger go away. Ignoring the sensation of wanting to lie down and sleep will not cure one forever from having to sleep eight hours a day.

But if one is in the habit of putting his keys in his right pocket, there need be only a worn-out pocket to change the habit from putting the keys in right to the left pocket.

The child who seeks his parents' bed at night is expressing a basic need. And this need must take its own time and pace for satisfaction.

The child who is thus allowed to be with his parents will gradually mature to being satisfied with sleeping elsewhere, usually seeking the companionship of another member of the family. Should this child choose to sleep alone, it might do well to be aware that he has not transferred his seeking security from his parents or siblings to an inanimate object. If the child wants to sleep with his parents, it means he needs it. If he crawls into his parents' bed but then is content to be taken to a sibling's bed, it may mean that he was in the habit of going to his elders' bed.

For some strange reason we tend to think that to satisfy a child's need is to make it into an unbreakable habit, where in truth the exact opposite is true.6

When our children develop a "good" habit, one that suits us, we are afraid it is not going to last. But when our children develop a "bad" habit, one that does not suit us, we are afraid it is going to last forever. So many people are afraid that their children will not grow up. We are told to feed them solids with a spoon at three weeks of age, lest babies will never learn to eat solids, let alone with a spoon. We are told to toilet train them when they are one year old or they will never quit wearing diapers. We are told to begin to discipline them at one month, otherwise they will never listen to us. We are told that children must always sleep in their own bed or they will always want to sleep with us. It is commonly believed that babies need to be weaned by the mother. And yet when weaning is left totally up to the child, it happens in a natural, healthy, and relaxed way. At the time the child no longer needs direct physical contact with his mother, then he weans himself from the breast. Likewise, parents' experiences indicate that the healthy child will wean himself in time from the parental bed.

Children should be given the credit that, provided the home environment is healthy, they will mature. As each need is fulfilled at each stage, they will move on and become more mature. (We did. Let's hope.)

It will be found that one phase passes into another, and another, and another. Please trust that in a sound surrounding the child will graduate from each stage of development.

I remember carrying my first infant throughout the day. Then she began to crawl and I no longer needed to hold her so frequently. I remember nursing her fifteen times a day. Now she is weaned and eats and drinks what we eat and drink. I used to take her with me wherever I went. And if I could not take her I stayed home. (Except if she was asleep.) She was happiest with this arrangement. Then when she was about three years old, she took another step toward independence-, she looked forward to the occasional babysitter to read her a bedtime story and put her to bed.

Answer 14

I give my 3 month old son a bath, a massage with baby lotion,  read him a book, then feed him.  He's usually pretty sleepy by then.  I snuggle him for about 5-10 mins then put him in his crib.  I turn his mobile with lights on (he loves it).  He'll usually stare at it for awhile and fall asleep on his own.

When i first started doing this he'd cry after a awhile.  I'd go in there every 15 mins or so.  Soothe him and put his sucky back in his mouth.  Eventually he'd fall asleep,

Answer 15

I most times fed and every time rocked my daughter to sleep from the day I delivered her.  I LOVED that time.  Until one day, she decided she didnt need me anymore and would rather lie down and settle herself to sleep.  I believe she was around 6/7 months.  I miss that time so much, cherish it.

Answer 16

"Will she not learn until she gets to the stage where I let her cry it out?"

Good lord, why plan on doing something so mean to your kid?

What on earth is wrong with cuddling babies to sleep...? It feels nice, babies love it...