When does an opinion become an attack???

Question

TOS guidelines are here -

http://help.yahoo.com/l/us/yahoo/answers/abuse/guidelines-06.html

This has been written to a poster here -

"...... Maybe it's your unrighteous anger, projecting and eating disorder along with the chemo that made you puke, but it sure wasn't me. As for your comment here, tonight I'll be worshiping the porcelain goddess and having nightmares and tomorrow have your "answer" here to refer to from now on as proof unless, you falsely report my answer or the question again, like you always do to mine and delete your "response" and or this "question". This has gone far enough. You guys have your own site. Please go to it and stop insulting and harassing the rest of us. You're not getting anywhere with your lies and slander. No one in their right mind would want to join your deranged feeding frenzied shark-fest."

Per TOS - I see this as an outright attack. Cruel & uncalled for.

Do you agree?

Answer 1

Reads like an attack

Also reads like it was provoked to some extent...

...would be easier to decide if the full question and post could be read for context....

Sometimes the best intentions or feelings of justification result in something like this.

Take the high road and move on.

Answer 2

Yikes, somehow I missed all of this!  Anyway, my suggestion to these kinds of things would be to report this behavior and don't respond in any other way to this person - don't answer questions this person asks, etc.  Just don't engage at all with them.

Answer 3

Although it read like an outright attack but as the other person stated it is hard to judge without knowing what the other person wrote before this was posted. It sounds to me like this is an ongoing attack between 2 or more people and I very seriously doubt that this poster is the only one in the wrong. I am quite sure the person he/she is responding to has posted stuff just as bad and perhaps worse.

Answer 4

Ok according the the guidelines...yes

HOWEVER without having seen what has gone before I can not say whether the comments were a called for response.....

One's opinion can be stated in such a manner (though quite possibly uncalled for) when a person because frustrated with anothers reaction.

It seems the response was provoked to some degree by the actions of the postee, having said that it doesnt mean the respondant needed to react in such a manner....

I personally would have ignored either the post that caused such an agressive response or the response itself.

I dont understand why people on ANSWERS (or anywhere else on the net) feel the need to get their knickers in a knot over a "person they dont know, probably will never meet and who has no lasting impact in their everyday life" responses or opinions....unless they are only doing this to enable themselves to justify getting into a verbal slinging match....

Just let it go, is it really worth stressing over...who are they...nobody to you? then who cares??????

Answer 5

from my experience on here and voicing my opinion on certain subjects. i have found that alot of people have different opinions on differnet things and make a "mountain out of a mole hill" they also accuse people of saying this that and the other too. Some people get offended by the littlest of things and some people are hard to offend. From what u have said then personally, i would be rather offended by it. I can see what u mean.

Answer 6

How ugly and nasty, I'm so sorry that stuff was said to you, you don't deserve that

You know, I just got home from my adoptive Mom's house after visiting with my kids.  I hugged her extra hard today and told  her how much I appreciated her and was so happy I had been adopted by her because some poor little adoptees are going to grow up with parents like the author of those ugly comments.  My heart aches for those adoptees

Answer 7

Hard to say.  So many people think they are being attacted or are being offended.  Some may even get offended if you say good morning!

Answer 8

I have been intentionally staying away from anything to do with her and any comments, discussions, attacks, that follow.  

My thought is that someone who attacks does so from a defensive position.  Sometimes defense gets such a workout that it becomes offense.   If we respond, comment, pose questions about it, we're just feeding into it.

If she's not able to control herself, let's just let her actions and words speak for themselves.

Answer 9

Here is the whole answer from that person.

I" DARE YOU TO READ THIS BEFORE GIVING ME THE THUMBS DOWN:

I disagree. I don't think that you think "everyone has their own rights and should take responsibility for their actions" because your question is a complete contradiction. You said this "and want to take the baby away from the adopted parent" and someone below even said that the birth mother would want to "steal the baby".

I believe everyone has a choice. A choice to abort or not. A choice to place for adoption or not. I have never appreciated anti-abortionists demanding that a female not get an abortion and then after their condemnation not adopting the child they insisted on coming into this world. They should put their money where their big mouths are. I also don't approve of men having any say in abortion. Until they get a pair of ovaries, they have no business telling us what we should do with our bodies. That said, I think it's unconscionable to use abortion as birth control."

"For Andrayno,

At least I read your posts before thumbing you down. You just proved my point. You've CHOSEN to be pregnant 5 times. Two, you placed for adoption, you claim were coerced from you. Two you aborted. One you kept. Are you aware that many also contemplate, attempt and succeed in suicide after they have an abortion. Could it be that your anger and blame is very displaced and you actually have a guilty conscience but just can't admit it to yourself? I think it is. Can you not see your hypocrisy? I know you cannot. You and your group have judged we adoptive parents as being "unfit", "angry" and worse than "selfish" by calling us "baby snatchers/stealers/brokers/buyers". I am angry right now with what you said. You want it all your way and if you don't get it your going to take your ball and bat and run home. You jump to the conclusion that we are all infertile, which we all are not. You want pity for having an eating disorder, cancer, "not tolerating pregnancy well" and the final blow, PTSD (you and I can't be the only ones who have this in here, and I don't want anyone's pity, thank you). It's time for you and your group of high fiver's to have pity for children. So yes, now you have definately convinced me that birth mothers should take a home study to prove they are fit parents if they are going to keep the baby. You tell us that we are just not supposed to have children, get over it and live with it and that adoption is no excuse if you have either been diagnosed that pregnancy would be dangerous for yourself or infertile or simply have love for children and choose not to overpopulate this world, like you have. Why is it okay for what you say and do and not the rest of us? It IS NOT OKAY! You blame the guy who knocks you up and call him "the sperminator". IN MY OPINION, you are NOT a fit parent. I think you should have gotten a hysterectomy after your first abortion. I think it's disgusting that you are pumping children out left and right and not using birth control (except abortion for your personal birth control). Your sarcastic crack that you ate "noodles and vomited" isn't amusing. Maybe it's your unrighteous anger, projecting and eating disorder along with the chemo that made you puke, but it sure wasn't me. As for your comment here, tonight I'll be worshiping the porcelain goddess and having nightmares and tomorrow have your "answer" here to refer to from now on as proof unless, you falsely report my answer or the question again, like you always do to mine and delete your "response" and or this "question". This has gone far enough. You guys have your own site. Please go to it and stop insulting and harassing the rest of us. You're not getting anywhere with your lies and slander. No one in their right mind would want to join your deranged feeding frenzied shark-fest.

Possum, you may see this as an attack but it is NOT! You just don't like people to tell the truth nor be able to voice their opinion. I read for myself that Andrayno attacked crunchie and insulted me."

Below is  my answer to your question Possum:

Now the first part of her answer I agreed with. I thought she was giving a nice answer. Then she has to go attack Andrayno. Which was uncalled for. I mean she doesn't have to agree with what someone does with their life. That is her right, but to make that person feel less of a person is uncalled for. She accuses people of making her feel less than a person. But in the same breath she attacks people and name calls. She blocks people that don't agree with her or at least call her out to say maybe you shouldn't of said that.  She will continue to attack people who do not share her opinion. So, all we can do is ignore her. I mean I'm Wow!!

That was one hate filled answer and she should look in the mirror before she accuses others of being hateful.

Answer 10

I agree. And not the first time, either. I can't believe how hateful and personal some people can be.

Part of me would like to see the whole exchange, but I've been blocked from reading her questions (apparently because I try to stand in solidarity with adoptees, including "Hello?" my daughter, how could that be bad?). That probably is better for my stress levels, even though I'm curious.

Answer 11

She is obviously a very disturbed person.  IF she actually has an adopted child, I am praying that the poor child survives her instability.  

What site is she talking about that we should all go to and why?  Is she so threatened by what we have to say that, in her twisted mind, we must be banished elsewhere?  

The only person insulting and harassing anyone on here is HER.  As for 'the rest of us' that she refers to, there is no such thing.  She is alone in her persecution fantasy, but apparently has deluded herself into thinking she's part of a larger group that is being unfairly targeted.  She must be a very sad, lonely person.

Answer 12

It can easily be taken either way.  For example as a reader I don't feel offended because I don't have ties to the person or have had any connection to the person sending the  message, but in other hand I place my self in the shoes of the person who received it and I believe she/he would feel offended and maybe feel attacked by it.  I would suggest to forget all about it and let it roll over you, for the person may someway felt some offence too, sometimes people get carried away  and specially because there is no real person to person contact to clear stuff out that can easily get misinterpreted because when things are written there is no emotion, no person expression so there may be lack of communication,  and it is easy to release the anger through rough words because those get read right away, it is a way to release the frustration and leave it behind.   Sometimes we need to look the other way because it won't get solved because there is no real connection.   Any ways the question is interesting.

Answer 13

Hmm... well since this is obviously meant for me I should respond.

First I will state some facts. I'm anorexic not bulimic, I do not barf. Edumacation is wunnderful. Also I am no longer active in my ED. I am a healthy weight and eat normally. I attend anorexics and bulimics anonymous meetings and no longer suffer from insane eating practices. I am able to address and repair my own issues... I wonder if "it" is jealous of my will power and strength.

Secondly I never had chemo. I had localized radiation therapy coupled with numerous leep procedures. Perhaps hearing that I too had to deal with impending infertility was too much for this poster. It sucks monkey balls when someone you hate has felt similar pain, makes it harder to justify so find something else to attack them about I guess.

I have NEVER deleted any of my questions or answers. I stand by my word even if others don't like what I have to say. I am not a child who can be bullied into things. However I am very aware that this poster has done what "it" accuses me of. Pot? Call the kettle please.

I am quite sure that there are numerous sites devoted to adopters as well so why doesn't "it"  "go to it and stop insulting and harassing the rest of us."? This is not an adopter board or an adoptee board or a natural parent board. It is an ADOPTION board. Therefore it is open to all members of the triad as well as anyone interested in learning about adoption.

"It" can attack me publicly all it wants to. I am not threatened or easily made to bow down.

All in all I find this rather funny even though I can't find the post it was written on. Thanks for a great laugh Possum. Posting this has certainly made my morning. Got a coffee, a sticky bun and some slander

Answer 14

I believe that in this particular section of the parenting 'Answers', it is to be expected that heated debates will arise.

We are talking here about our children.

The rights of our children, born, unborn, adopted, biological, and the mothers and fathers who must decide between their own dreams for themselves and the reality of procreation.

There is no way, the abortion/adoption debate could NOT get rowdy. Though you may want order in this neat little 'forum', this topic is just too personal.

Answer 15

I'm confused by some of the answers here.  Is it okay to attack someone if they attack first?  Clearly Yahoo! doesn't take that line.  If you attack anyone, provoked or not, it is inappropriate.  If someone does something that you think warrants an attack, you are supposed to report them, not take matters into your own hands.  

This is clearly an attack and a report is warranted.  If it is in response to another attack, then that first one should have been reported rather than responded to.  If it isn't in response to an attack, then it is completely out of line.

Answer 16

All this c**p between anti/pro has gotten very old.

You know the saying about opinions and a$$holes, everyone has one.

I think everyone should go to their own corners and stay there!

Permanently.

Answer 17

Whoa!  I think people in this forum need to CALM DOWN and take a deep breath!!  I've been on Yahoo Answers for some time now, and I've NEVER seen such negativity in a forum as there exists in the adoption forum.  Both sides need to have compassion that this issue obviously is very personal and not ATTACK anyone.  But that has to come from both sides in order for some kind of "truce" to work.  I've had great private conversations with one poster on here, whom I happen to disagree with on some things but that's ok!  The point is that our emails back & forth have, I think, helped us better understand each other's point of view.....and isn't that what some people on here want?  They don't necessarily want people to agree with them....they just want to be truly HEARD.  I think this kind of private conversation is a learning tool & encourages both sides to think twice.  So, if you don't allow email on your profile, please allow it .....you might be interested in the hopefully MATURE, productive conversations that come out of it. :)  Of course,  you'll also get the occasional nut jobs! :)  It makes me so sad to see this kind of thing happening in the adoption forum.  As those who have been touched by adoption, either good or bad, we should be supporting each other.....listening to each other, learning from each other.  Can't we all just get along?!! :)

The thumbs down I got prove that SOME on this forum aren't capable of or encouraging of ANY kind of unity in this forum.  I didn't take sides.  I said we ALL have to do this.  Yet I still got thumbs down.  I guess some people don't even want to try to get along with others.  Wow.

Answer 18

Why are we wasting more time talking about this vile "person"?

Yes it was an attack.  Yes is was against TOS.  But do you really expect anything less?

All it does is make me grateful (yes grateful!) that I was not adopted by lunatics.

Answer 19

I do agree that it was inappropriate no one should be attacked because they have cancer or an eating  disorder.  However I really do not doubt that someone set the poster off by something they said in some other post or maybe even sent an email.  Two wrongs do not make a right, people should turn the cheek but that does happen. People attack back when they are offended it is human nature. It would be much easier if people could just  let it roll off them.   If you feel its inappropriate report it and then wash your hands of it.

Answer 20

Sadly I think many of the answers in this forum have become this back and forth nastiness.  

According to Y!A help:  " Venting, ranting, or using hate speech" as well as "being mean" are both violations of the guidelines.  In addition, if you read the help section here:  http://help.yahoo.com/l/us/yahoo/answers... - Yahoo " also consider questions that call out other users by name to be chatting. " which is also against the guidelines.  

I know what question and answer you are referring to, and I do believe that this particular answer is a violation, but the truth is that until we ALL start playing nice and doing what the board intended - to answer questions respectfully and share our knowledge - most answers in this category are reportable.

Answer 21

Too many people confuse an OPINION with a FACT...and not just in the adoption forum.

Answer 22

Yeah, I read her whole post - pretty nasty stuff coming from that poster. Maybe it's her exhaustion or PTSD kicking in, or maybe she's just hitting the vodka. I can't believe she is allowed to have a child in her home. Sick.