When guests come and your child is a terror?

Question

My daughter is 7 and we are having another little girl from her class stay at our house while her parents are out of tow. She is wonderful, it is my daughter who is not. The entire day she has been defiant, and wouldn't listen at all. I put her in time out, didn't let her have dessert, but still she will not behave. I have given so many warnings that I can't count. Normally she would have recieved a good sound spanking, but its different w/ guests. How do you punish your child when guests are here. Right now I have put her to bed, but the girl will be staying with us for the rest of the week, and I can't send her home obviously because her parents are out of town, but that little girl has to be the most polite child. All I have heard from her is yes mamm and please and thank you.

Answer 1

the same thing would happen to the other parents and your kid would be the polite one. All kids try this. The thing is that you have changed the rules by punishing differently and she knows that. I don't spank and so I use punishments that are consistent everywhere, even in public. When she tries that, the same punishments happen as when we are in private. Just food for thought... if you feel you have to hide your spanking your child, maybe inside you feel that it is wrong?

Answer 2

Mine would be taken upstairs, the doors shut, and then she'd be told in no uncertain terms that this behaviour stops NOW, there will be no more warnings, next infringement will be a spanking. Tell her regardless of how cross and jealous she is, she still has to behave, it is not optional.

If you've been consistent in the past, she'll know you mean it. If she thinks this is just another empty threat, it's time to teach her that it isn't.

I don't discipline my kids in front of guests. I say "Excuse me" to the guest, remove the kid to the furthest corner of the house, and discipline them there instead.

Answer 3

I bet she's just trying to impress her little friend. Take her out of the room and give her a little talking to, you don't have to discipline her in front of her friend.

Answer 4

The fact you are saying you keep giving warnings, too many to count says it all. She knows nothing is going to happen. I would set the visitor down for tv for a little while and yake my daughter to her bedroom for a "talk" that would make sure that she behaved

Answer 5

Who cares if your friend will harass you. I would punish the same as I always did. I do not spank my kids, but my friend does. Her daughter was being a demon one night at my house and she hauled her butt in the bathroom and spanked her. I don't believe in it but it is her child and she was NOT beating her, so I said nothing. My daughter was shocked and even cried and I just explained that is their form of punishment. It was not a huge ordeal. If you choose not to punish in the same manner as usual she will use it every time guest are around. This child is behaving well because it is not her home and she has obviously been taught what her parents expect out of  her. But be sure not to compare your daughter to her. Punish her like you normally would and tell her you love her before bed. Tomorrow is another day, sometimes kids just have really bad days the same as everyone else.

Answer 6

i do not believe in striking a child

that being said, obviously your daughter's behavior is unacceptable and I am sure the other little girl has noticed as well

as it has only been one bad day, i wouldn't freak out too much but i doubt holding out on dessert will really have an impact

take daughter aside in a calm moment and tell her that you are extremely disappointed with her and that you feel as if she owes the other child an apology

ask her what is bothering her and why she behaved so badly, who knows? it may be something you can resolve easily

lastly, look daughter in the eye and firmly tell her that you will not tolerate her bad behavior, guest over or not

she must behave or no tv, no parties, sleepovers etc... send her to bed early and stick to it

this is a battle of the wills, she knows you can't do much because the friend is over

explain to the little girl that your daughter is having a problem behaving right now and that you hope she will be able to play with her as soon as your daughter behaves, there is no easy fix or way out

good luck!!! Go Mommie!!

Answer 7

gee it sounds like she is reacting to your positive reaction to the other little girl's "perfect" behavior. i wouldn't spank her at all, but if that's what you do, it shouldn't matter who is there when you impose discipline. otherwise, your daughter will know when to misbehave - because she will know you won't do anything when people are there. why did she not get dessert? you should try not to use food (or withdrawal of food) as a punishment) I mean, can you say eating disorder? time out can really be effective. just don't allow her to get up until she is calm and ready to behave. or after 5 minutes or so, give her another chance and if she misbehaves again, she goes right back to time out. consistancy is really important. and remember to reward her when you catch her behaving in ways you approve of. rewards can be praise, hugs  - sticker charts "wow, you shared three times today!! or you said thank you today!! way to go!!" trust me i know it isn't easy, i've got three of my own and my oldest- was and still is sometimes like having 5 kids. good luck to you.

Answer 8

She may be acting out because she sees the other girl as a threat. She may feel like you are paying more attention to the other little girl and is jealous.

Answer 9

Hi Just read your edits, please take my advice, if you stick it out her behaviour WILL improve; I wouldn't suggest taking away her privilages & sending her to bed early *while* her friend is there...that will just make her angry at you. Also I'm not trying to horrible but you say this girl is well behaved? ..Her mum doesn't spank her.

--It would be embarrassing if the boss yelled at you for your error in front of the whole office. Although you do need to correct your behavior, by berating you in front of everyone, the boss would have acted in an aggressive and shaming way. The same holds true when you discipline your child in front of others. Having an audience watch while you discipline your child adds an extra element to discipline: *you embarrass the child publicly.* While some behavior calls for comment from the parent, I feel it’s best to take the child somewhere private to discipline your him/her. It depends what disipline you have chosen, personally would not recommend physical disipline, but at the end of the day its your choice (just don't go overboard) It can also make your childs behaviour worse in public, crying, screaming ect. You may feel really frustrated at the time, but spanking is not discipline. It is at the end of the day physical punishment and it can hurt your child more emotionally/mentally than physically.

I am unsure of the time out method but if done right it seems quite good. Take the your child into a private room, When a child is told to go into time-out, a parent should only say, "Time-out for...." and state the particular offense. There should be no further discussion.

Stand outside an the partially open door of the room or sit on the stairs & look at your watch Or some recommend using a kitchen timer with a bell. Set the timer for the length of the time-out and tell the child he must stay in time-out until the bell rings or until I come in.

While in time-out, the child should not be permitted to talk, and the parent should not communicate with the child in any way. The child also should not make noises in any way, such as mumbling or talking to himself. He or she should not be allowed to play with any toy (I suggest preparing the room beforhand), to listen to the radio or stereo, watch television, or bang on the furniture. Any violation of time-out should result in automatic resetting of the clock for another time-out period (extra 1 minute).

After the time out go into the room.tell the child what behaviour was not acceptable. (not the child, the behaviour) and tell them if the behaviour is repeated they will go back in time-out..and later they will lose a privilages for 3 days. TV, ride bike, stay up late, toy (for children 6 & under, may still work with your daughter.) After the first tireing occasion for you and them their behaviour will start to improve. trust me : )

The goal when you discipline your child is to correct a behavior. With distractions, like an audience of friends or strangers in their home, it can be very challenging to actually accomplish your goal. The child is likely to focus more on his or her embarrassment* rather than on the real purpose for the discipline*. So thats why you should avoid disiplining infront of others, it may not only be a shame-producing way to discipline your child, but also an ineffective one.

If you are in a public area, lets say the supermarket, When behaviour escalates after a warning I suggest leaving the store, to minimize distractions. If at your own with guests as you have said, find a quiet room where you can discipline is most desirable. Most avoid having an argument with the child i private when the guests are gone. Let them cool-down and have time to think about the consequences for their behavior.

It can be helpful with young children to remind them of the behavior you expect when you are in public. *Beforehand* This can help avoid having to discipline your child in public or in company.

-Some important notes; You also should not discuss your child in a negative way in public, and especially in front of the child. Saying something as innocent as, "Sorry about the way she is behaving she isn't usually so badly behaved ifront of guests“or worse "Joyce still has potty accidents,” or “Both my daughters are getting Fs in school” these are shame statements. and a passive/aggressive way of approaching parenting problems. Similarly, parents discussing or arguing about discipline in front of a child weakens authority. If you have disputes with a spouse about the way you discipline your child, these conversations are best kept private, or saved until after children have gone to bed.

Sibs if she has them OR friends; Choosing to discipline your child in front of other siblings is also a mixed bag. On the one hand, it can be beneficial for other children to see family rules consistently supported and enforced. Yet highly competitive siblings may “gloat” if one sibling gets in trouble. With older children, discipline is best a private matter between yourself and the child, and should not be discussed in front of siblings.

I know these are hard parenting tips & require patience, but I am sure you want the best for your child. Good luck!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

It seems that your daughter wishes to impress her friend with how "adult" she is and how she can stand up to her mom. I think you were quite right in curbing bad behavior and disciplining your daughter - you shouldn't let her take advantage of the fact that her friend is there. But that also means that if you would normally spank her, then go ahead and do it. There's no point it in waiting with the punishment until her friend is gone. The next time she defies you after a specific warning, take her to your bedroom or some other secluded place and spank her bottom. If she tells her friend about it (which I doubt), so be it. Giving a spanking is not child abuse and is well within your parental discretion.

Answer 11

your child is normal.  give her more responsibility to aid the guest.  inform her what kind of behavior is expected of her -don't hit her.  send her to her room if she is disrespectful.  quit warning and follow thru with your threats, otherwise they are just meaningless words.

Answer 12

You will have to sit down with her and explain that you understand that she may not be happy that her parents went away without her, but it's not fair to you or to her that she is taking it out on you.

Then you will have to explain the rules of the house. You are the boss in your home like her teacher is the boss in her classroom.