When he says there are more important things, its over right? already asked this, but didnt get many response?

Question

My boyfriend told me last night that there were more important things in his life than this relationship. he expects me to wait around for him until he is ready to settle down. from his behavior throughout this relationship i have known i wasn't a priority, but now that he has verbally said it i think i am able to end it properly. i want the little things, the support and love that you get from the person you love, he believes that because he doesn't abuse me or hurt me and is there when i need a ride or something tangible, i should be happy. i think i deserve someone that wants to connect with me on an emotional level. anybody can give me a ride or have dinner with me right? he made it clear last night i would never get those little things. We have been together for a year and a half and i am tired of waiting around for him and going nowhere. Do you believe I am making the right decision? This is not an easy decision, I was planning on marrying him and we are both almost 30. I feel that he needs to grow up a lot and readjust his priorities before he marries anyone.

Answer 1

You know the answer to this without anyone responding, but here it goes.  Apparently you and your boyfriend have different ideas about where your relationship should go.  I think you are fortunate that you and he have this discussion now.  You are a friend "With Benefits", and that is all you will ever be.  If you want someone that will always be faithful, dedicate the work needed to raise a family and build a secure family then look elsewhere.  Maybe one day he will be ready for that kind of commitment, but not now, and probrably not with you.

Answer 2

I believe you should get away from this guy , if you ever want a real relationship ... it won't come from him .. he hasn't got a clue how to keep a lady happy .

Answer 3

Seems pretty clear to me that however much he might like or even love you - what YOU want and need and are looking for in a relationship he is either not capable of or doesn't love you sufficiently to provide.

There is nothing wrong with what you want but I don't think you will EVER get it from this young man.  Until you have that CONNECTION with that special person you will be pulling, nagging, frustrated and hoping & wishing your way thru relationship after relationship.  It's got to just BE THERE. It can't be forced or even happen over time or with enough love or wishing or prodding.  SO just move on where greener pastures might be and the RIGHT PERSON might yet be found.  

I didn't finally meet my husband (of now 21 years married) until I was 30 myself but it was right immediately.  Don't waste your time here when what he is offering is NOT what you seek.  We all deserve to find and live happily with someone who is EVERYTHING we desire and dream of (within reason of course). SO kiss this one good bye and keep looking would be my advise!

Answer 4

Yes, I think you should end this relationship because its going no where and if has told you that you wont get what you want or need out of this relationship at least hes being honest but he could have told you sooner instead of keeping you waiting a year and a half.

Mabe hes just not ready for commitment right now or not ready to commit to you. He may never be ready to settle down and if you keep waiting it may be too late.. Theres so many other people out there that can give you what you need and are looking for. Good Luck

Answer 5

A lot of very grown-up men marry women not because they can't live without the emotional connection, but because the woman is comfortable and familiar.  She's become a habit and he does love her, he just doesn't see why she needs more affection than he does.

If you can't live with a man like that for the next 50 years, don't marry him.  Five years from now, you'll be back on here complaining that your husband understand why you and the kids need him.

After a year and a half of NEVER being this man's priority, you should understand that you will NEVER be his priority.  You aren't going to change him.  Begging won't help.  Crying won't help.  Threatening to walk out won't help.  He's giving you all of himself that he intends to give and he doesn't really care if you're satisfied with that or not.

Move on.  The connection is too important to you for you to give it up.

Answer 6

Dating someone and being in a relationship with them is all about deciding whether they are compatible with you.  Do they have the same values and morals that you do?  Do they want the same things out of life and out of a relationship that you do?  At the point you discover that they are not compatible with you, it is your right and duty to say good-bye.  He doesn't have to be an abusive monster for you to walk away.  He doesn't fit the picture of who you want to share your life with.  His basic character and priorities in life won't change even if you eventually married him.  He probably is the kind of guy who should never get married because emotionally he will never settle down and never grow up.  He'll always be seeking out that new adventure, that new girl in his life.

Thank him for finally making it clear to you that the two of you don't belong together.  Say good-bye to him and free both of you to find someone that you will be thrilled to be with, not just somone that you tolerate.  

I know a guy like this.  He is a narcissist that has tried marriage three times, only to create misery in each marriage and walk away.  He now knows that he can never emotionally commit to any one woman, so he obsessively searches the singles sites looking for a new girlfriend every day.  He tells them all they are not his priority in life, but collectively, that's where all his time and energy goes.  He hasn't realized what an emotionally empty existence he leads.

Answer 7

Yeah honey, it's over! It doesn't sound like you're happy at all. He is looking for something materialistic, probably a sugar baby for him to buy things for and s***w then push aside when he gets "busy". You want a lover and a soul mate. So ... go for it! Get out there, on your own, and find your true love. Have fun along the way and trust me baby, love will find you!

Answer 8

Yes, it's over, unless you can get him to start speaking the same language. And he's saying he won't. The only thing I can suggest is reading this book--it might make alot of sense to you! It's called, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary chapman. It's a very good book and actually explains A LOT!! I've gotten alot of useful information from this book which has helped me and my 2nd husband. I can tell you--had I read this book and understood this before--I might not have had to have an ex now. (However, I'm not complaining, I love my life--it's just that hind-sight is 20/20--I can totally see what went wrong)

When you love someone it feels really good to do everything you can before you're done for good--it might be really validating to read this book. Good luck! I hope it helps, no matter what you end up having to do!

Answer 9

I once was in a relationship like this one and after always feelings second best to anything and everyone I decided to bow out when he did not even acknowledge holdidays with me. I am now happily married with someone who makes me number one in his life. Trust me, he will never change and he shows a lack of concern for your feelings. He already told you you will never get those little things from him. Ths man has issues with opening up and giving of himself. You will waste your time if you think one day he will wake up and grow up and change. Find someone who will love you the way you want to be loved. Good luck to you!

Answer 10

can that guy while you can. There are other "MEN" out there whom are very affectionate. What is he the only p***s around your town & all around? Fuq that- you should want more for yourself- don't settle for that-  should appreciate rides- if your his fiance then he's just got it all twisted- i bet he will even make you change the oil on his own car. And tell you that you should be thankful that you have him. Thats no god gift to woman there he is a terd!