When i was 9 i got adopted but i dont know if i show see my mum and dad ?

Question

when i was 9 i got a new family and life but evry now and again i cry coz i miss them but yet i dont know hu dey or or there names .. i was in care for 9 years and my family put me in care 2 days after they had me but i still fink if they want to see me or not please help me coz i dunno if i should or not coz for all i no my family myt turn me down again ?

Answer 1

Have you told your adoptive parents how you feel . It sounds like your birth family have not made effort to see you  You were In care 9 years  before your family found you and made you part of them . what ever you do include your parents in they are there for you  and wanted you they have accepted you as their own. How much do you know about your birth family  maybe you & your family could talk to the agency who placed you and I think when you are 16 you have theright to see the file on you . you say you do not know who they are or their names and also you dont know why you were given up for adoption .get the facts . Darling you were only a new born baby when you went you are not missing the you are trying to find who you are well you are the child your adoptive family wanted so much they went  through the long hard process of adopting dont be to anquish to g o back the answers are there but consider long and hard before you dig up your past

Answer 2

well i think u should see them and ask y they turned u down. they might not hav been able to afford to look after u but talk to them and ask if they miss u and if they want u back

Answer 3

no personally i wouldnt as it messes with your head especially if they reject you again as mine did, once is bad enough to cope with but to get rejected again is asking for trouble for your self mentally.

Answer 4

Good luck with your search. No matter how it turns out--I realize you need the closure. I have helped a few adopted persons find their bio parents and yes, they were disappointed--even my own adopted daughter. I had no problem with her wanting to find her Dad.  We never lost contact with her bio mother. She just didn't want her children (there was also a son). It was a rather unique adoption and I'm glad it was that way. We never had any problems with her wanting her child returned (during the 10-day period in which she could legally change her mind and reverse the adoption process). My daughter was 2 weeks old when my (then) husband and I adopted her. Now she's 26 years old and the mother of my only grandchildren (2). One of her Elementary school teachers reported to me that she over heard her at school talking about her desire to know who her real parents were. We were in touch with her mother often when my daughter was a child. Then the lady stopped communicating with us. My daughter discovered she needed closure after she had grown up. We had help from one of her cousins so it wasn't too hard. Now she seems content that my ex-husband and I were her real parents and her bio mother only gave birth to her. Her main reason for wanting to find her father was she learned that he had many other children and she wanted to know who her family was. She's in touch with a few of them now. In fact her 22 year-old sister (her mother and father were never married, neither was my daughter's bio mother and this man) will be coming to our town to spend time with us in two weeks. Though there may be negatives some good will come of you finding them. Check my profile and send me an email if you'd like. I will assist you in any way I can.

Answer 5

All I can say is - you'll never know unless you try. And I don't know what your family are like, so I can't say 'You have nothing to worry about, they'll welcome you with open arms'

   It could be one of the best decisions of your life, or it could be a not-so-good decision.

  However, at least if worst comes to the worst and they are unwilling to rebuild a relationship with you again then you can move on with your life without thinking 'What if?'. Not knowing is a form of torture, it can drive you insane.

   If this is something that has taken up your thoughts and is making you depressed every now and then...I'd think about making contact with them. (If you feel that having a relationship with them, would bring you happiness)

   Talk it through with the family that you've grown up with. Having their support and guidance will help you make your decision. BUT remember at the end of the day, its your own decision. At least if things don't work out with your real family, you have your new family to turn to.

   If you think for the first time, seeing them face to face is too difficult...maybe write them a letter, explaining how you feel and ask for a reply. Leave a contact number, your address etc. But make sure that the letter does actually reach them!

   If you do decide to do this, I wish you the very very very best of luck...Sincerely from my heart. I hope things work out.

take care

thanks

Answer 6

first things first don't get your hopes up, anything could happen. do you get on with your new family? if so talk to them, let them know that your wish to search for your birth parent doesn't mean you love them any less, after all they are the ones that are there for you now. Second don't give your birth parent a hard time either, im sure you feel let down or possible hurt, but there are many reasons why people give up their child. they might have felt they couldn't provide for you, or that you deserved better. either way don't beat yourself up. it was never your fault!!!!!

good luck with your search and plz let us know how it goes

Answer 7

If you have that need then do what you need to do to find them.  However, more important then anything is that you are prepared, either way, for the response that might be forthcoming.

My very best to you.

Answer 8

It would be a long emotional journey for you to try to find them, even to ask them to meet you.  Most people find that when they do meet up with their biological parents it doesnt meet their expectations.  Talk this through with you adoptive parents first, they will be your rock if and when you try to find them.

Answer 9

FIRST THING IS ARE YOU HAPPY.IF YOUR PARNETS GIVE YOU UP AT BIRTH THEN YOU NEED TO GIVE YOUR NEW FAMILY A CHANGE.THEY MUCH LOVE YOU TO GIVE YOU A NEW LIVE.I KNOW IT WAS HARD ON YOU IN FOSTER CARE FOR A LONG TIME. NO, I THINK YOU NEED TO BE WITH YOUR NEW FAMILY AND IF YOU AND WHEN YOU GROW UP AND THEN GO AND FIND YOUR REAL PARNETS.THEY MUST HAVE LOVED YOU TO GIVE YOU A LIVE,THAT THEY DON'T HAVE. I WAS ADOPTED YEARS AGO.AND I KNOW IN MY HEART THEY DID WHAT THEY THOUGHT WAS RIGHT FOR ME. HANG IN THEIR AND THING WILL BE BETTER AS TIME GOES.I THINK YOU NEED TO WAIT INTILL YOU ARE OLDER. AND TALK TO YOUR NEW PARNETS.THEY CAN HELP YOU THOUGH ALL OF YOUR FEELS.YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER WILL STEEL BE THEIR WHEN YOU GET OLDER. YOUR NEW MOTHER AND FATHER HAD PICKED YOU OUT OF THOUSAND OTHER KIDS. SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR REAL PARNETS.WORRY ABOUT YOUR PARNET NOW.THEIR ARE THE ONES THAT WILL BE THEIR WHEN YOU NEED THEM. WHEN YOU GET HURT OR GRADUATE FORM SCHOOL. I HOPE THIS HELPED YOU ALOT.

Answer 10

do wat u think is right

if u want to see ur real family make sure ur other family is okay w. it

Answer 11

I had the situation of being only mildly interested in meeting my birth parents.  So what I did was register my information with reunion-oriented Web sites like www.adoptionregistry.com so that if they went looking for me, they could find me.  

Which is exactly what happened.

So by putting that information out there, you'll know that if they want to communicate with you, they can.  If they don't want to, that's no reflection on you.

Answer 12

Dearest Dobermann,

The desicion you are going to make will affect your life dramatically. Being adopted is something that someone might not even discover, because when you are raised into a family, you assume they are your bio parents. If I was in your situation, I would definitely visit your birth parents. Go on a search, and ask your new parents. See if they want you back. If they do, discuss it with your new parents. But now that you have a new life, I reccomend staying with your friends, at the same school, and with your new family. When you leave home, remember you can always stay in firm touch with both families.

Good Luck,

ADVICIEE

Answer 13

When any adoptee decides to search for their birthfamily it can be a long and emotional journey. Honestly you never know what you will find at the end of the tunnel. They could embrace you or they could want nothing to do with you. That’s just a risk that adoptees searching for their birthfamily have to take if they are serious about looking for them.  You really need to be prepared for anything have a close support group.

You might talk to your parents they may be able to help you in  some way perhaps they know some information about your birthparents and even if they don’t they can support you through your journey.

Answer 14

what turmoil. it is obviously not going to be easy it has been on your mind a long time points to consider

1, do you know the whole circumstances behind why you got a new family. were you in danger?

2. can you handle possible rejection a second time.

3. what sort of response will you get if you find them, don't go in expection huggy kissy reunions, its not always like that

4. have you an adoptive family and how would it affect you relationship with them.

i wish you so much good luck in whatever you decide to do and hope your dreams are met. i speak from experience and trust me there can be a lot of pain for little gain sometimes

Answer 15

try finding them on the puter, i am sure they love you sometimes we all have bad times in our life but we never stop loving our child. it will be hard for you and them but i say do it for your on sake. go for it.

Answer 16

I too am searching for my BIO parents all i have is the first name of my Father (william/bill) my yonger brother whom they kept (scott) and my elder sister by 20 years (kathy) I hope one day to meet them if nothing else so i know the medical background of my familey and what i need to look out for in myslef and my son. I have a feeling Bi-polar runs in the familey i have a few traits but not enough to be deemed Bi polar (mostly i am very snappy when people iritate me) It is very hard and very emotinal. Tell you adoptive parents. Let them know you still love them and they are your true familey but you need to know a little about your bio parents and would like to get to know them and why they gave you up. If you get in contact with them and they don't want anything to do with you i would ask them to atleast let you know what medical conditions you have to worry about. The feeling of loss is grate and the pain you now carry may or may not last a life time. But know your parents loved you enough to give birth to you and make sure you had a home rather then to just abort you. They cared that much.... hope that helped

If you want someone to talk to E-mail me [e-mail]

Answer 17

if you really want to do this in your heart....speak to your adoptive parents about this..they would probably help you if they thought it was going to help put your mind at rest and answer everything you need to know about your birth family.

remember..your adoptive parents are special...remember also - they chose you to love - how great is that?!!  good luck in your decision honey.