When is it APPROPRIATE for a mother to leave home and kids and go to work?

Question

I have two little girls, ages 2 and 4, and the younger one is still a baby to me; very attached. We are seriously struggling financially but I do NOT believe in Day Care in any form. So when is it appropriate for a young mother to leave her little kids all day and go to work?

Answer 1

I don't think there is a right or wrong time.  To each their own.  At this point if your family is struggling then need may just have to succeed the want.

Is it possible for you and your (husband/bf) to work opposite shifts so one of you can be home?  Maybe you could start your own child care so that you can still stay home with your children as well as bring in some money...depending on your qualifications it may not be worth it for you to go back to work and pay for your children to be in day care.  If you are well qualified is it possible that you might make more then partner...if so could the roles be reversed, him stay home and you work.  Family or friends usually make good sitters.  Is there a way to cut spending to make staying home more manageable?

Consider the big picture...and find the best solution.  Stay optimistic, it may be hard at first, but it will all work out whatever you decide.

Answer 2

depends on the maturity, but they have to be atleast 10, i know some 10 year olds that are mature enough  to stay home for 5 hours, and i know 15 year olds who aren't

Answer 3

Whenever you want to..your decision how could we make that for you??

Answer 4

I dont think it's inappropriate to go out to work at any time, especially if you need the money; however, you might want to consider the cost of day care and expense of gas versus your bring home pay?  Would it be worth it to go out and work?

If you don't like daycare, maybe you can find a private babysitter, or a private situation (day care home) instead?  Wherever you take them, ask for references (other parents).

I'd also like to say that i have been selling my art on ebay.  Once in a while i sell other things too.  All you really need is a digital camera, a checking account and to open a paypal account.  You can sell clothing your children have outgrown, things you find at garage sales, quilts or other bedding you no longer use, shoes, coats, dishes, etc. ebay has a lot of good information and tutorials about how to get started.  

If you are crafty, you might want to sell things you make?  People make cards and sell them, dolls, christmas ornaments and a multitude of other things.  

good luck!

Answer 5

It's appropriate when you feel the time is right and if you need the financial stability then sometimes you don't have a choice. Maybe you can try and find something that is opposite of your husbands hours or get licensed to do in home childcare.

EDIT: I don't think she meant to leave them home alone! She meant to leave them with a babysitter or someone else while she goes to work....at least I'm hoping that's what she meant.

Answer 6

Well first i would like to say that you are doing a great job. I know how it is to struggle financially while believing that I need to be at home with my kids. I have a 2, 4 and 9 yr old and I would love to be able to stay home, unfortunately sometimes leaving home is a necessary evil. I would find a person your trust, and while you may get mad at me check out a couple of the daycare centers. You are not planning to do this for long just enough to help get yourselves out of a rut, or do a home daycare type deal. Take on other peoples children then you have the best of both worlds. As to leaving the kids, you were kind of vague, 12 is a good age to leave them alone, but at 2 and 4 it is good to acclimate them to other people, they have to go to school sometime.I would go ahead and take some steps in that direction, the 4 yr old may be ready to start pre k.

Answer 7

If you are struggling then you have little choice. With the rising cost of gas and food you may need to at least find part time work. It will be hard on the kids and you but which is better them in daycare or the family hungry or not having enough for clothes.  They grow very fast even at 2 and winter is coming she is going to need a coat and boots.  

Answer 8

I'm assuming you mean breaking  down and finding them a day care i think this is a good age i just recently got a night job so my husband can watch the kids at night but if i had to get them a daycare 2 is nice  by then they can actually tell someone if something is wrong i couldn't handle leaving my baby's at one that's why i chose nights

Answer 9

Sounds like my younger years. I really think you should get a job. It was difficult for my family financially because we were three young kids that needed raising, my mother had her priorities in education, and my dad was the only one working. It really sucked. For your kids sake, I would say to get a job, they'll thank you later. I'm really grateful that my mother began working instead of staying at home.

However, keep in mind that my siblings and I were not as young.  

Answer 10

Would you have to leave them all day and work full time - by the time you have paid day-care there may be not much money left.

Have you considered part-time work, perhaps in the evenings when the children's Daddy is home?  Or take care of children in your home - that way you stay home with yours, but you get paid for taking care of others as well.

You could sell things at those "Home Parties" - there are lots of companies out there who have women selling things - Candles, Make-up, Tupperware etc.

Think outside the box - do you have skills or knowledge to work from home - website design, making children's clothes, knitting or doing clothing repairs like hems and such.

You may not be able to work full time and make BIG money, but you could do several things which could each make a small amount of money.

Focus too, on saving money, buy meat and veg on sale, turn the lights off when you are not in a room, turn the thermostat down in winter and wear a sweater, dry your clothes outside in the sun instead of using the dryer, don't eat out, form a co-op with friends to swap children's clothes that they have outgrown, cook two meals at the same time and freeze one.

Many years ago my hubby and I wanted to pay off our mortgage early, so we were both working and I sold Tupperware in the evenings - I did those parties, I also learned to knit and was able to make over 100 sweaters in a 2 year period, they sold for a lot of money and we were able to stash money away to put toward the house.  My hubby also was able to work over-time whenever he could and you wouldn't believe the difference it made to our mortgage.

We paid a lump sum of $5000 off our house and that meant that we saved ourselves $35,000 of mortgage payments - it cut the term down by five years so we paid the house of that much sooner!  We owned our house mortgage free by the time we were 37 years old.

Answer 11

Uhm if you ask as age wise i would say 12-14 years of age, they are extremely young and it's really unsafe for them, if you don't believe in daycare, why not get a family member to help out or even a close friend.. that's what a family and friends are about, or try to get get home job, so you can wrok from home ans not be stressed, i meanyou worry about day care.... but you'lll have to leave themat school one day or another.. yu just have to trust yourself an d others, take care

Answer 12

Um, leave them alone??? When they are 12!

Leave them in day care, well unfortunately you gotta do what you gotta do!

If you need money, why not pick up a serving job, working nights part/full time. Or anything working evenings. Then you or your husband can always be there with the girls!

Answer 13

2 months after having a child is appropriate.  If you are struggling financially right now then you need to go back to work even if it is just part time.  Actually starting part time is probably the best way to start as it will be hard for all of you being away from each other.  Find a relative or a friend to watch them or work when the father/spouse is at home to take care of them.  I know it is hard to leave them with someone else but they need to be socialized even at that age so i wouldnt dismiss daycare.  Yes i've heard daycare horror stories but they are few and far between.  Most daycares these days have cameras and personal pagers for the parents to keep while the child is there in case of an emergancy.  Not all daycares are bad you need to search in your area and check references to find one that you can be satisfied with.

Answer 14

I totally agree with you on the day care. It seems every week I hear about this one or that one either doing something to a child (over-dosing) or the most recent one a 2year old was left behind at a park when they left. I will not leave my child with anyone that is not a blood relative. Mostly my mom! And she wouldn't have it any other way. Do you have a boyfriend/husband in the picture? What we did (once i decided to work again) was he worked 1st shift and when he got home I went to a second shift job. I'm not working anymore due to the fact that I'm pregnant and I was having these terrible pains in my groin area from working all day. It is tough financially we can't go on shopping trips anymore,we can only get what we need, and it seems the bills are getting higher and higher. My boyfriend is looking for a 2nd job to help ends meet a little better.    

I believe when you feel your able to be away from your little ones for 8 hours then your ready, seeing you have a responsible adult looking after them! It is hard at first, I'll admit, I felt bad leaving her but to see her face light up when mommy comes home is priceless!!  It will probably be an issue with your youngest with her being attached to you.     Best of luck to you and yours!

Answer 15

Ten at the earliest. Are you against nannys or home owned day cares? You might have to sacrifice since you mention that your family is struggling financially.

EDIT: Your kids are defiently old enough to be in the care of a babysitter or a relative. So you're saying that you're husband and you have not been on a date in four years because your kids have never been watched by someone else?

Answer 16

I agree about the Day Care...  I didn't go to work until both my children were school aged.  Have you thought about some sort of work that keeps you home with the kids?  I sold AVON....it helped. That was years (and years) ago.  Perhaps there's more out there you can do that wouldn't be a 9 to 5 these days. Have you considered babysitting for working moms?  Some women pack in a pretty penny doing that!  You're childrens first 5 years are their most important for development.  You want your babies learning from you, not a stranger.  I strongly suggest figuring out a way to make money and still enjoy your children before they get into school.  Good Luck :)

Answer 17

When you get into a situation where you have to in order for your whole family to be happy. Meaning when I was little my mom didnt work...but we struggled finatually so we would say we liked something, but would NEVER ask for it because the answer was "no". If you can't provide yourself with anything, or your family with anything besides barely a roof over your head, food and clothing its time to go back to work.....Children need a balence between being frugle and being slpoiled....its not good to not be able to spoil on occasion when its called for...poops on the potty, lbehaved well for 2 weeks in a row...you know the ability to spoil on occasion gives a little insentive to do the right thing.....thats how kids work...if you can't afford to treat them or yourself you need to go back to work...its good for everyone's mental wellbeing

Answer 18

If you are totally against Day Care, are you going to work at night?  6 weeks after they are born is appropriate.  You kids will adjust to you working.