When is it no longer acceptable to stay in a relationship "for the sake of the child/children"?

Question

Especially in situations involving abuse of a spouse?

Answer 1

The minute abuse takes place.

I believe you should NEVER stay in a relationship for the sake of the children. That is not helping anyone and it's only going to make you more miserable.

Answer 2

Let me give you a different point of view.

First off, only the people in the marriage can determine what is acceptable, because no one knows your specific situation or your tolerance levels.

Personally, my acceptable tolerance level would probably end at the point where the problems are so bad that their is nothing positive either side have left to contribute to the family structure.

However I do NOT feel it is acceptable to break a family just because the parent's dont always agree or one suddenly things the grass is greener with someone else.  Your kids are the most important in life and the results of a divorce/separation can be much worse on them than just seeing parents who sometimes argue.

Answer 3

The minute physical or sexual abuse takes place or in the event of infidelity I would see those things as acceptable means to separate or even divorce.  But other than that, the vows said until death do us part and my husband and I hold true to that in all circumstances both the best and the worst.

However I am not so naive as to stay in the house with him if he's abusive or cheats on me.  I would move out with the kids for a short while until we received counseling and mended our relationship.  That's us though.

Answer 4

it is NEVER acceptible to be in an abusive relationship so if there are children involved, don't let the door hit you on the way out, get OUT NOW

Answer 5

Any time when that is your only reason for staying together. People need to eb happy and I think two unhappy people together hurt more than they help, especially the children.

Answer 6

Ask yourself, would I want my daughter to stay in a relationship like mine?  If it is abusive, then the answer is probably no.  If that is the case, why do you want that for yourself?  You are teaching your children that this type of relationship is ok and you are setting them up to repeat your patterns.  

Answer 7

This question hit really close to home. My childs father started abusing me before i got pregnant but he was 'truly' sorry for it and i fell for that everytime. but then i got preggo, and had her and the abuse continued. but i stayed for my daughter. until a year ago. he abused me in front of her. she was two at the time and she will be four in a couple of months and she still tells the story of when daddy pushed mommy into the tv and broke the stand. it hurts to hear it still but it reassures me that i did the right thing. I knew i didn't want her to grow up thinking that is how a man is suppose to treat a woman. Now i am with a man who knows how to treat a woman and her father is with a woman that my daughter absolutely adores. i am glad i made the decision i made. it was hard because i loved him and i missed him dearly and i know it was hard on him too because he really did love me but sometimes things just arent meant to be. you just have to trust that everything will work out.  

Answer 8

It's never a good idea to stay in an unhappy relationship "for the kids".  If you do that, you are setting the example for your children that it's okay to be in an unhappy relationship.  Especially in the case of abuse, it is NEVER acceptable to stay.  Kids are better off seeing their parents separated and happy than together and miserable.

Answer 9

It is never acceptable to stay in a relationship for the sake of the children, in my book. Just because two people who are parents aren't happy with each other, doesn't mean that any of the children should have to suffer- meaning, that each parent can't find time to spend with the children separately, living in two different households.

A family isn't a family just because you share the same house.

When your children see that you're not strong enough to handle an abusive situation- especially your daughters (if you have any)- it will make you look like a weak individual. You NEVER want to give your kids the impression that you're powerless in a situation when you're being abused. I know children of abused parents- not just abused women either- and they have very little respect for that parent. Your children look up to you for protection from the world and if you can't even protect yourself, how would they ever feel that protection from you?  

Answer 10

physical and sexual abuse, cheating are all deal breakers!

anything else can be worked through.

Answer 11

I am a strong believer in marriage, however i grew with parents "trying to keep it together for the kids." and i hated it. It was a horrible thing to do to us. Keeping my mother in our home made us all so miserable. It made me feel so rejected and uncomfortable. No child should have to feel like that in their own home.