When is it ok to stop helping your children?

Question

I have two son, both are over 21. one of them stay in trouble all the time it one thing after another. and the other feel that it cool to let other take care of him. i have put them both out of my home but they still needed this or that. it getting to the point i hated to take there call because it never how are you. it always i need.when is it ok to say no and mean it no matter what there problem is

Answer 1

About 3 years ago. If you don't stop letting them get themselves out of their own messes they will always depend on you. You have to let them get out of their messes the same way they got in. Stand Firm and know you are really looking out for their best intersest by expecting them to grow up. BE STRONG tough love ain't easy but it's still love.

Answer 2

Its time to do so now... it is okay to be there emotionally for them whenever you think you sanity will hold but as far as anything else you are not obligated to do anything more than that for them...

Answer 3

Sure it is.  Its high time that they grew up and began to act like the adults they are.  Give them an ultimatum.  Make sure they understand your position precisely.  When I went to college my dad shook my hand, gave me a $20 bill and told me that I was welcome to visit but that I no longer lived in their house.  He also made it clear that I was responsible for my debts and for getting myself out of trouble.  Of course I knew if there was some kind of devastating illness that my mother would have told my father that they were going to help.  Beyond that, from the age of 18 I was expected to be on my own.  

Answer 4

It is perfectly okay to say "no" to your children at any age. Outside the basic needs, there is nothing that states you have to do anything they ask. Most of us give above and beyond what is expected, and that is perfectly acceptable too...until they start expecting it or stop appreciating it. You definitely shouldn't continuously bail them out of trouble because they need to learn how to deal with their own problems. They may be mad at first, but eventually (once they learn to appreciate what you have done for them) they should come around and realize you deserve their respect. They must learn how to be independent because mom isn't always going to be around to make things better.