When is it time to break up?

Question

My boyfriend and I are reaching the point where we are always disagreeing and there are things that totally bug me about him. I love him; really I do. It's not how it used to be anymore and I really don't want to break up, but I'm not happy with how dis-functional we are.

We are in all the same classes (university) and we sit together in all but 1. It'll be awkward if we break up and I don't want to ruin our friendship completely.

I love my boyfriend but this isn't working. Besides, as awful as it makes me sound, I'm falling for someone else. Do I break up with him or hold on to enjoy all the good stuff in the relationship?

Answer 1

I've been there! I think you already know the answer to this question...the time is now. Better to get it over with, than to endure prolonged suffering for no reason. I guarantee you you'll look back and say, "why didn't I do that sooner?"

Don't worry about him being in your classes, either. Can't you get a new seat? Even if there are seating assignments, your professors should be willing to work with you on this.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with moving on to another guy, either. You are in charge of your own happiness, not him. If he's not doing it for you, then don't feel bad, you gave him his chance.

Like I said, I've been in this spot several times, and while it hurt at first, I was happy to see my ex-girlfriend move on and find someone that actually made her happy. He might end up feeling the same way, and you may be able to stay friends.

I read your update, and it seems you've tried to end it. His professing to you to change is just that: words, not action.

I've been in his shoes, and I once made those same promises. I would have said anything to keep this woman, and I tried! Still, deep down, I knew I was more afraid of being single than of losing her specifically. In the end, I realized I couldn't change overnight. More importantly, I didn't need to change! We were simply two entirely different people, and our paths in life were not going to meet. He just needs to find someone who will love him for who he is. That's not you, and that's not your fault at all! It's not his, either, make sure you remind of this. You gave your relationship a chance, which is all you can ever do.

Some things weren't meant to be, no matter how much we want them to be. You should remind yourself that you're obviously a very thoughtful and kind person. It shows, since you are so worried about hurting him. You're doing nothing wrong by ending this with him in order to seek the happiness your heart desires. In the long run, keeping an unhealthy relationship going will only hurt you both much more than you are already hurting in the end.

Face it, change of almost any kind is uncomfortable for most people. For some it's relationships, others it's jobs, whatever. The point is, you are not feeling it, so I think it's time to let go. You have to take care of yourself, first. Your heart and your brain are telling you to let go. Listen to them.

He is a grown man, he will be able to take care of himself. It is not your fault that he can't let go and says he still is madly in love with you. As you said, he has friends, too, which will help him adjust to life without you. Yeah, it will be hard - it always is! Just reinforce in his mind that you don't hate him. Still, be firm about your commitment to end this relationship. Any indecisiveness might lead him to believe there is some hope for you guys after all. You don't want this. If you don't really love him, end it. It's the best thing for you and him, whether or not he chooses to realize this right now. Don't let him hold your emotions hostage. Remind him that sometimes to love someone means to let them go! It's probably the hardest thing you'll ever have to do in life, but you owe yourself the happiness that is within your grasp with this other guy. You deserve that! I really hope this helps you, good luck finding the happiness you deserve!

Answer 2

I was in the same boat.

Break up with him. Don't carry it on if you don't have that fire anymore... As much as it'll hurt him, you'll hurt him more by just staying there to hope it works out.

You can try to take a break, but it most likely won't help..

This won't be easy either... But if your falling for someone else and you guy's hook up right away.. it'll help for a while, but sooner or later it'll hit and you'll just have to deal with it.

And sitting in class with your ex is VERY weird, trust me.

Answer 3

Don't stay with him and lead him on. You know you don't want to be with him, you know you have feelings for someone else. Try to retain the friendship, but don't continue to make him think that things are great and they aren't.

Answer 4

You love him but you are not in Love with him anymore that is the problem! I think the best way to salvage a friendship after a relationship is to sit him down and let him know how you feel he may feel the same and just doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Just let him know that you don't want it to get any worse than it is now and you are willing to let him go now to assure that you remain friends in the long run! Be true to yourself and listen to your heart! Good Luck to YOU

Answer 5

If you think you are falling for someone else, you should not be dating your boyfriend. Break up with him before you end up cheating on him.

Answer 6

If u are not comfortable just tell him and break up. Simple

Answer 7

Sounds like it's time to call it quits. However, if you continue the relationship or just take a short break from each other things may resume to how they were before. You may also take a short break and realize that that's exactly what you want. That happened to me and my boyfriend. We were dating for almost 2 years, and over the past 6 months we were just arguing all the time, and it just was not working out. Then we just decided to take a break from each other to cool down and a month later we got back together and now we are planning our wedding. If you feel that the relationship is going nowhere then you should just call it quits though. but if there is a slight chance that you still want him in your life, try just taking a break.