When is to soon to get married?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months now, but I knew him about a year before we started dating. I truly believe I am in love with and and was thrilled when we decided to get married.

I am only twenty but carry myself much older then I am. I have a daughter that is now two and she is the world to me so I want to do right by her. Some people might say your only twenty so you can't be mature enough to get married . In 2003 my mom died and i was forced to into the role of homemaker. My father was suffering from a disease that would kill him only a year after my mothers death. When my dad died we fought to keep our home and my sister and I now work attend college and help my sister pay bills.

I was never the type of person to just date for fun, that isn't me. When I do date I think about if I could marry this person. We get along son well there is nothing we cant talk about. But a lot of people say its to soon. Have you ever just known something was right ?

Answer 1

when you don't have to ask "Am i ready for this" is the time you get married!

really it's wise to wait to know for sure!  but only you know if you know no anyone else no matter how close they are to you!

I have seen couples marry at 16 and are still together and loving life!

and i have seen couples marry at 16 and seperated by 21

i have seen couples marry in the 30's and are loving life

and i have seen couples marry in the 30's who left each with in a few years!

it's all in who you are!

there will be some sort of doubt but if that doubt resurfaces a lot then it's not the right time!

if you hardly see your doubt or it hardly comes up then it's right!

and i can't stress this enought --- only you know!!!

Answer 2

I would suggest to wait 2 to 3 more years to get marry. Why rush your young years? That's when you're supposed to have the most fun.

Answer 3

Too soon is when you have doubts or are not mature enough to grasp the fact that marriage is work and it's not always going to be perfect.

~MLF~

Answer 4

Before age 30.

Answer 5

Step 1

Feel a strong chemistry and attraction to your potential mate. In addition to being drawn to them as a human being and friend, you must be sexually attracted to this person. This is not being shallow; it fulfills a basic human need that contributes largely to our happiness. It's an element that simply must be there to support a loving marriage.

Step2

Realize you genuinely like the other person. It may sound obvious, but many couples justify long-term relationships though they constantly get on each other's nerves. Realize that a relationship with these types of irritations isn't likely to change.

Step3

Feel that you've truly spent time getting to know who the other person really is. Rather than basing this on a calendar length of time, base this decision on the quality and depth of your conversations and experiences with the other person in the time you've gotten to know them. Knowing you've seen this person at his or her most relaxed, at his or her best and worst moments, will allow you to see who the person really is, and will give you an idea of what the future with this person really holds in store.

Step4

Understand each others spiritual side. Never underestimate this. A belief that God should be the center of your relationship can only be supported fully if your potential partner agrees. Make this a priority to discuss; it affects your lifestyle and your future family, should you decide to have one. Even beliefs that are agnostic or atheist should be discussed to ensure you are in agreement regarding your core beliefs.

Step5

Play together well, and often. You'll always have separate interests, that is natural, but you must also know how to enjoy leisure time together. This is more than s*x, like sharing mutual interests or opening up to exploring things your partner loves. It's been said that couples who play together will stay together.

Step6

Feel that you share long-term goals for what you want out of your life. This can range from where you want to live, to what your individual career goals are, to if, and when, you'd like to have a family. Anything that you deem important to you should be discussed with your potential spouse, and visa versa.

Step7

Know inside that you're ready for marriage, the commitment it holds, and that you're ready to marry this person. When this feeling arises and gives you confidence, security and happiness in your relationship with this person, you should feel great knowing you've been given a gift that few appreciate. Discuss your wishes to marry with your partner openly and fully before taking the big leap.  

Answer 6

Age or time of relationship?

I was 19 when I married, my wife 21.  We've been married 28 years.  We dated a year and a half.

We have friends that married TWO WEEKS after they met, they're at 27 years.  Wow.  I wouldn't recommend that, but they 'just knew.'

Edit:  Wow, thanks for the additional info.  Sorry to hear about your parents.  You know this now, but maturity has nothing to do with age!  Pay attention to how your boyfriend treats your child (assuming it is from another male, based on your time line).  My wife and I started dating on 12/15/1978 and were engaged 6/22/1979.  About seven months.  It was until December of that year that we both really "knew" we were lifetime mates.  Still are!!  You sound very mature and smart.  I have no doubt about your ability to make a wise decision regarding your life mate.  Best of luck!!

OH, one more thing.  The best way to ensure having a life-long marriage is:  both agree that divorce is never an option.  No matter how bad things get, if divorce is not an option, then you'll make it work.  Don't be too proud to get marriage counseling when things get really bad (notice I said when, not if).  Sometimes you'll need an outside set of eyes looking at your problems.  Divorce is easy, yet horrible.  Repairing a rocky marriage is difficult, and super rewarding.  Remember this!  Again, best of luck.

Answer 7

Before college

Answer 8

If it feels right, it probably is. Everyone always wants to put their two cents in, but unless they're you, how could they possibly know what's right for you?

I don't get the whole waiting until college is over, waiting until you have your debts paid off, waiting until your sister moves out, waiting until you have a better job, etc. If you wait for everything to be perfect, you'll wait forever. Part of being married is to be able to work through stuff together, so you don't need to work it all through beforehand. If you're sure this is the right guy for you, then you don't need to wait.

The only thing is to realize that if you don't have a lot of money or time, you're not going to be able to have a big fancy wedding. Just do what you can. It's the marriage that's important, not the wedding.

Answer 9

when you are not ready to commit --- marriage is a commitment .

good luck .

Answer 10

Before you're ready. Before you've finished college, really.

Answer 11

i personally think anything before 3 years of dating and with out at least living with each other for a year is to soon  

Answer 12

I dont see the age as a reason not to get married, there are plenty of 20 yr olds that are more responsible than say a 40 yr old.

If you arent against living together then please do that for a year or two. That way you know what its like to live with him, and after 2 yrs you tend to act more like yourself instead of the facade that many of us put on for awhile.

People can be really different after you have lived with them, so that is what I suggest.

Good Luck to you!

Answer 13

up to the people involved i know of many happy marriages after only 6 months of dating. Sometimes a marriage does not work out after a long engagement. So who knows

Answer 14

If you believe its right and you believe you love him than that's all that matters. You sound mature for being twenty and I think it could work. Your taking care of your little girl which is a great sign. Does your guy like your daughter? Do they get along? If your daughter is ok with it than I say go for it. Most of the time when you find the right person you know.

Answer 15

When everthing is unplanned