When mother and father can’t seem to agree?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 5 yrs, married for almost 3 yrs. He has a daughter that is 5 yrs old and we have a son together that is almost 2 yrs old.

My husband and I have been trying to break our son of his pacifier since he’s done so well without it at daycare all day long. When he comes home, he’s fine for the first bit of time, then he’s out and about looking for his pacifier. My husband and I agreed that we’d allow it only for bedtime and naptime. To be honest, I wanted to get rid of it altogether, my husband wanted him to keep it, so we compromised. At least I thought we did….

As I said, daycare doesn’t allow pacifiers. So that means that if my son can go without it all day long with no bother, he can do it at home too!

My husband is the person who is always preventing our son from even attempting breaking this bad habit. The way I see it, if our son can ASK for his pacifier, he’s too old for it. If I say “Can Mommy have your binky?” And he shakes his head no and runs in the other direction, he’s too old to have it.

What do I do here? My husband and I flat out disagree on the topic of breaking the pacifier. I am LIVID that he doesn’t seem to want to work with me on this. How he doesn’t see the importance behind it? h**l we took our son to the doctor and he had a sore throat, even the doctor said to break him of the pacifier sooner rather than later. That’s what prompted my husband to lean more towards wanting to break it.

Semi-jokingly I said to my husband I won’t be having anymore kids with him until we can agree on how to raise our first child. But I’m quite serious…..

What do I do? My problem isn’t with my son and his pacifier, it’s with my husband and his stubbornness! Any advice??

Answer 1

My husband and I do disagree from time to time on parenting issues.

I guess sit down and talk to him.  Why does he feel so strongly that your son has a pacifier?  Is he home a lot?  My husband disagrees with me on some issues, but since I'm the one home with them for the majority of the day, I call the majority of the shots.  Anyways, my point is, is your husband home during naptime?  If not, just don't give your son a pacifier.  Or any time when your husband is not around.  Or heck, even just toss them all away and tell your husband, oh, I guess he lost them, lol.  :)

I wish I could give better advice, but all I can really say is sit down and talk to him calmly and in depth about this issue and other parenting issues that may come up.  Or at least how you can work out issues when you disagree.  Because the issue is simply a pacifier today.... and while it may seem a long ways away, the teen years will come soon and you guys HAVE to be on the same page then or the teens will take advantage....

Good luck!

Answer 2

You're both stubborn as h**l, convinced that your way to parent is the RIGHT way.

But here's the thing, since he already has a daughter, he's been a parent longer than you've been a parent. Look at his parenting methods with his daughter and see what worked and what didn't. Do you have any evidence that you can point to as a result of your parenting methods?

This really shouldn't come as a surprise to you if he already had a child when you met him, so you were WELL aware of his parenting methods before you two had a child together. If so, then that's your fault, not his.

Mothers don't always get it right, either.

So sorry, but I'm afraid you're completely missing the point. He HAS been a parent longer than you, so he would have more evidence to point to as a result of his parenting methods. Now if you both raised her together, whose method did you use with regards to the pacifier? Yours or his? How did that work out?

I never said he's the better parent because he's been doing it longer. Please work on your reading comprehension skills before your son reaches school age.

Answer 3

You're right, get rid of the pacifier!  I don't know what you are going to do regarding your husband.

Answer 4

Post a question in the dentist area of YA (or call one), and have them tell you how much it will cost to fix your babe's teeth with braces down the road. Your hubby may not care, but when your child can't bite food because they've sucked the "binky" for years and it's disfigured their mouth, he may change his mind. Not to mention your child's discomfort in having them!

Answer 5

Hi, I like you was very concerned about my 1st and 2nd son having a pacifier! I was worried re speech and if their teeth would stick out! I couldn't part with my kids at day care so i stayed at home with them! My son who is now 16 yrs old, had his pacifier till he was 4 and 3/4's and when he had to give his up, his little brother had to get rid of his too! I can't tell you the worry it caused me! However, looking back, I know i was stupid to worry, my son has the most perfect teeth, and talks very well! All these wives tales about goofy teeth etc, are not worth thinking about! At the end of the day, Yes your husband does have a longer time at being a parent and yes he may be wrong and so may you! The only person that will suffer why you try to win this argument with your husband and have the "I'm a bettter parent than you" Award, is your poor little son! Not only do they deprive him of his pacifier in daycare, (which, alone is a terrible thing) but when he does come home, mummy and daddy are arguing about it too! I think you need to realise that many toddlers have all sorts of comforts to settle them. I will tell you a true story now, My cousin, who unfortunately died 5 yrs ago, had her son and daughter the same time i had my first two kids! She took her sons pacifier off him when he was 9 months old, with advice from the CRYSIS helpline on what to do etc! Anyway, my cousins little baby was distraught, but she followed the crysis helpline instructions perfectly! So, her son eventually found another way of getting himself to sleep! I don't want to be explicit about what he did to get to sleep, but lets say he developed a habit of comforting himself by bouncing up and down in the cot on his tummy! My cousin, became very upset as basically her son would resort to comforting himself like this on the day in the middle of the lounge, in front of guests! Eventually, the problem was so bad, that aged 6 yrs, he needed a very severe form of circumcism! It was dreadful, I remember her guilt at taking his pacifier away, and her saying she wished she never had, as now her son needed an operation! The op was okay, but painful! I know it is probably extreme for a child to resort to a comfort like this, but I know he did, and I know what my poor cousin went through wishing she had let him keep his pacifier!

Answer 6

you need to think of a way of showing him/teaching him that in order for his son to be "normal" he needs to get rid of it. Make a conscious effort of when you see someone the same age with no pacifier to point it out and says that "it looks really grown up" or somehting like that. Or point that out to your son. and really teach him that he is too old for that... maybe explain to him this new idea of something else .. I dont know maybe "marsions will attack you if you dont stop it" (point out other children maybe) *lol*

Good luck with it anyways

  

Answer 7

AHH yes this has been my problem MANY times!!! LOL Me and my hubby have VERY different views when it comes to parenting.We do however compromise most of the time,You have to support each other otherwise when the child grows up he/she is going to have you both wrapped around their finger by causing conflict between the two of you, there really isn't anything you can do to change his mind. ,I have learned this very fast!! We have had the same issue with the binkie except the problem was on my end and I finally gave in because I realized that he didn't need it anymore,I'm sure he will come around somtime,Sit down and have a conversation with him and tell him how it makes you feel when he disagrees with you over the littlest things.Even though two people have two different sets of views they can always compromise:)