When my mother was alive, I was so cruel to her.... she recently passed away, and I have just come to this?

Question

conclusion. I treated her no differntly than anyone else (often better) and she was just as mean -- from the alcohol and her childhood. BUT that was not a right for me to act nor react this way. I feel horrible!

{I realize there is not a question in here; but I am hoping that if someone reads this, the way we treat other ppl will soon change!}

Answer 1

Everybody, when they lose someone, wishes they could have said this or that or done this or that.  It sounds like you treated her better than most.  Don't be so hard on yourself for simply being human.

Answer 2

at least u have realised what u have done. thank god. the general saying is u will get what u will give to others. if u are affectionate towards others u can get the same affection from others. if u are cruel  u can get the same cruelty from others. hence u are the master of u r behaviour. to live dignifiedly untill last minute is difficult. ir requires lot of patience and systematic leading of life. wisdom prevails on u for the future. all the best.

Answer 3

We just have to do the best we can with what we have. You learned from it and now you can move forward by treating people right. You can't change them, only yourself.

Don't beat yourself up over your mother. You can't change the past. Just move forward and starting now, try to do the right thing.

Answer 4

The only reason to be concerned about the past is what you can learn from it. You can't change it and sometimes you can't ignore it.

This is the point where you think you're going to get that "I've had exactly the same experience" and they'll stroke you, give you a cuddle and tell you how wonderful you are.

I'm not going to do that. The only thing you need to get out of this is what you want to avoid in the future. You hate your aunt and you don't care if she dies. Fine. Mean it. You hate your aunt but you don't want her to die thinking you don't care. Fine. Go see her. Get it out of your system.

This is not about a "me" centered universe. We humans are social animals. But social is something built from mutual needs. Your mother can't do anything for you now. Maybe she was never able to do very much. it's what happened. What you need to be concerned about is your universe. Examine it critically. Don't accept sloppy assumptions. The people of this moment may be with your or not in 10 years of 50.

All you need to have to deal with that is a sense of how you live your life. Will you be one way or another to people you meet casually, e.g. shop clerks. Are you going to be a sap with the people you need most or self-aware.

Get it right and you'll be happier.

FWIW, whether you cared about her or not, it's normal to have thoughts and sometimes self-punishment about someone with whom you had close ties. Grief is a reality. Even if the people those feels are about were not in the end all that pleasant.

Answer 5

Hey. I know how you feel, honey. I just lost my mom too. You can't beat yourself up though. If she was mean sometimes, it is very hard to not react. It's just natural. It is very rare that anyone dies and we have no regrets.

One thing you have to remember, is everyone dies. You will die, I will die and the people that read this will die. When people die, they become innocent to everyone on earth. Everyone drops what the person has done wrong in the past and just feels sorry. Sorry for what they did wrong to the person, even if that person did wrong to them. We are all human and we all have done wrong to each other. So please, don't beat yourself up. I don't know your mom, obviously, but I'm sure she doesn't want you too either.

There is one thing we can ALL learn from death of a loved one. And that is, no matter how big the fight was, or how angry you are, always say "I love you." before you leave. Because you never know if you will wake up the next morning and find they are gone...

Try to feel better, and Good Luck. The death of a parent very hard.

HAHA. HOW INRONIC IS THAT? BUT I'M NOT THE EVA YOU KNOW. THAT WOULD BE FUNNY THOUGH.