When parents are truly found unfit, what do you think should happen?

Question

I ask this for a few who feel adoption is wrong no matter what. (you know who you are) I ask this in all sincerity wondering if you/htey have alternate solutions.

When parents rights have been taken away due to neglect and abuse (and trust me here in Canada they give parents multitude of chances before they take children away permanently), and there are no kin available, is adoption not the best solution? Do these children not deserve a loving family?

I know most will agree with this, but I really want to know if people think that children should not be adopted under these circumstances, what do you think are the other options?

Thanks all.

Just curious, as we start our visist with our threee children in the next two weeks, then a month of visits until they move in.

Answer 1

These are the children for whom adoption exists.  No child should ever have to live with abuse/neglect.

Answer 2

Just drown 'em at birth.  That should do it!

Answer 3

I believe if possible legal guardianship should be exercised first. This would keep the child's rights intact. It wouldn't seal any-ones records, no name changing, it would give legal guardians to provide and care for the child and allow honesty and openness in the new living environment.

Answer 4

Trust me, in American birth parents get chance after chance after chance after chance...all at the expense of their children.

One case:  Father beat the child in the street with a cord tied in knots....neighbors had to pull him of the kid (9) who was taken to the hospital.  He was NEVER punished criminally.  He got parenting classes, anger management, and housing assistance.  When you assault another adult who maybe has a shot at defending himself...it is a crime, I guess not when it is your child.

Another case:  Mom had 3 children ALL born addicted to drugs...sold the oldest two for drug money (they were used for s*x) FINALLY terminated her rights only to look at her and see that she was pregnant AGAIN.....now, my state has a law that if you lose rights of one child, any children can be taken permenately at birth they never use this law........she got a treatment plan (which she failed at) and the child was finally adopted.......

I've done 3 adoptions in the last 5 months where the case worker is on record saying the children should NOT be returned.....judge ignored them, because h**l, what do we know, we actually know the children's names and that they don't like onions on their happy meal hamburghers.......in EACH case the children were brought back into care.  Do you have any idea how traumatic that is for a child?

The foster care system in the US SUCKS...and it is my supreme (God Forgive me) and evil wish that the judges that make these decisions and the government that gives big tax breaks to corporations while allowing innocent children to live like this, and refuses to fund the system at a somewhat decent level will spend their eternities in the same h**l they have damned these children to live in.

I don't think anyone wants to end adoption.

One thing though, and I can say this....EVERY child I have ever worked with EVERY child, with the exception of ONE in TEN years, wanted to be ADOPTED...they didn't want a guardian, they wanted a mom and a dad like every other kid they knew...The one was 17 years old.....

In foster care, records are non-public, but not sealed.  Which means people deemed "Interested parties" may have access...IE the children, the birth parents can not have access.

Answer 5

Maybe guardianship?  I'm not against adoption, obviously, but I have seen this option thrown out a few times, and it sounds like a good one.  No name change or sealed records, but it provides permanence for the child.

Answer 6

How can adoption be wrong? Nobody can deny that there are good parents out there.... Nobody can deny that some people can't have children.... Nobody can deny that the two sometimes are one in the same.

The entire goal is to match up the parents that aren't ready to raise children, with the parents that ARE ready, but can't have children. Like the American advertising goes, they didn't give you up, they gave you MORE. It takes a real grownup to decide to give up a child to somebody who can offer more. I don't know that I could, if I needed to.

Answer 7

I don't know who you're directing this question to, because I've never heard anyone say kids should stay with abusers.  I can only think of one person who doesn't believe in adoption at all, and she posts here infrequently.

Anyway, I think kids who are with parents who are profoundly neglectful, abusive or addicts should not be raising children,  as I have said many times on Y!A. Period.  

I have never understood why, in adoption, APs feel the need to slap their names on children, demand no grief or loss, and infinite loyalty, (no searching) and make children call them Mommy & Daddy.

I just hate the phoniness of adoption.  If all these elements are 'needed' to help a child, then I question the APs motivation.  It seems more about THEM than the children.

Answer 8

We adopted my youngest son when he was 8 years old. He had been our foster child on & off since he was 5. His bio-father was very abusive towards him. His bio-mother abandoned him when he was 6 months old. He spent some time in the hospital before he was placed with us. His bio-father spent 1 year in prison for the abuse/neglect he inflicted on my son. Neither parent even bothered to show up for the court hearings to terminate their parental rights.

I don't think there is anyone on Y/A that would want my son with his bio-parents. But, I do think there are instances where children are removed from bio-parents when it isn’t warranted. Many times mothers are coerced into giving up children. Or overzealous Foster care workers do all they can to keep the parents and children apart for whatever reason. It isn’t always the case, but unfortunately it happens too often.

Answer 9

Sometimes there is no other solution, and it's the only oppurtunity these children have at a somewhat happy normal childhood.

Your right, here in Canada, they give parents sometimes too many chances to clean up their act, while the parents fail time after time & the children suffer for it.

So should these children continue to suffer at the hands of their natural parents for the sake of keeping a family together? Absolutly not.

I applaud your decision for keeping a rather large sibling group together. I think that's an enormous gift.