When should I tell her father?

Question

So I put in the paper work to legally change my 23 month old daughters last name from her sperm donors to mines. Here is the complete story to catch you up.......

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhOKOg4Y4D3NWaaDVqeXyh3ty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080717071220AAkWz9x

The past month child support has been coming out his check automatically every week. So he decided to call me after 3 months to leave a message for her. I let her hear it and after a day I call him back and let her talk to him. When he talks to me all he wants to know if I've been getting the money from his check. (LOSER) I am friendly and nice for my daughters sake. I've been calling him letting him talk to her so we are on our daughters terms only. I don't talk about me and he don't talk about himself. So when should I tell him about her last name? Or should I just leave it alone, hoping he will never find out? Keep in mind he lives out of state. Has only seen her once in her life, and that was at 3 months old.

Answer 1

Unless he gives you permission...you can't change it without a court order....and even then the judge can order you to obtain his permission.

Answer 2

I wouldn't bring it up, unless you want to start an argument with him. She might tell him eventually herself or maybe she won't....meanwhile, you are her primary caregiver, so you have to do as you think best.

Answer 3

Question did he ever know she had his last name?  If not there is no reason to clue him in its logical that she should have YOUR last name since you are the one who looks after her and the"sperm donor" isn't (by the sound of it) doing his share.  I he knew then I would tell  him casually like if you if you send him her report card when she gets older or just say how cute little ms.____ is getting to be.  If he is mad explain calmly that it isn't logical that she should have the last name of the parent who isn't there.  Then hang up end of dicussion

good luck!  

Answer 4

I am sorry but he does have a right to know he is her father. It does not matter what he says because legally you can do it anyway. However, look into whether or not he will have to pay child support. I know where I live in order for the dad to HAVE to pay child support the last names have to be the same.

Answer 5

No state has a law that has to have the last names in order to get child support...the paternity just has to be proven (DNA) and/or the dad has to be on the birth certificate.  That's ridiculous...then women could just run around and put whoever's last name as their child's on birth certificates and file for child support.  Idiot.

Anyway...I see no reason for you to tell someone that is worried about you getting the money, only.  Also...I wouldn't call him to let them talk, that's his responsibility, not yours.  What reason did you give the courts?  I'm asking because I would like to ADD my last name onto her...keep his but stick mine in there too...so it would be helpful to me if you could offer some information.  If you'd prefer not to put it on here, my email is enabled on my profile, could you email it to me?