When should a widow stop trying to live in her husband's shadow?

Question

I lost a husband seven years ago, took a deep breath and went on with my life, painful though it may have been. I have a friend, who is 71 years old, and lost her husband in Feb. He had a surgical procedure and died about 4 or 5 days afterwards, so it was an unexpected death. She still signs her name in e-mails and letters with his name.. Bob's Susan, for example. She won't let go. I don't know if I should say something.

Answer 1

When should a widow stop trying to live in her husband's shadow?

Who are you to say she should?

>>  She still signs her name in e-mails and letters with his name.

So what?  Stop meddling.

>>  She won't let go. I don't know if I should say something.

Why does she have to?  You just can't help yourself, can you?

Stay out of it and leave her alone

Geeze.

.

Answer 2

When she is ready. Being 71, she may never be ready. Who knows? But there is no set time for this. Don't push her, or you'll lose your friend. Do, however, encourage her to seek grief counseling if she is suffering from depression, but if she is otherwise find, back off and let her lead her own life.  

Answer 3

What harm is her choice causing? Everyone copes in their own way.  There’s no need to say anything to her. It has only been six months anyway. That's not exactly a long time.

Answer 4

You really cannot put a time limit on something so life changing. Some people are able to accept it and move on rather quickly, others may mourn for years, still others may never be able to move on. There are many phases to the grief cycle. Anger,denial, bargaining and so on. Every person is is so different emotionally, so of course we each will react differently to the traumatic event. That does not make any one way right or wrong just different. My suggestion would be to search for grief support groups and counseling services in your area before you approach her with the suggestion. One group that is very well organized & backed with excellent counseling services is Compassionate Friends. You can find them online or through the phone book , either way you can find a chapter close to your area. They really do offer an excellent program. And their services are free as it is a non profit organization. For others you might check with your local hospital they should be able to guide you in the right direction.