When should you stop listening to your mother?

Question

Hey guys, I am an adult woman, but I am having some difficulty with my mom. She is great and is a great person, but she is very bossy.

Every time I get an idea about how I want to do something, I tell her , like a daughter would and she always has something negative to say about it.. and tries to discourage me from doing anything. Like I wanted to work in a certain place and she told me all this bad stuff about it and how I should not pursue the job and then I am not sure if I should listen to her and let her negative comments effect me or just say , okay mom that is what you think, but I am going to do what I feel is right for me. It is like this about every thing I do. I am not sure if she is trying to control me or what the deal is. I am not sure how to tell her to back off without hurting her feelings. Does anybody have any advice when dealing with an overprotective mother?

Answer 1

Never!!! She is your mother!  My mother passed on when I was 4 from cancer and I would love to have her here bossing me around!

Answer 2

When the negativity get's to you like it has here, that's when.

Respect her and love her, she is your mother. Accept how she is and who she is and know that there is nothing you can do to changer her. You only have control over you. Just because you listen to her advice does not mean you have to follow it.

Answer 3

You have to have a talk with her and explain you appreciate her concerns and opinions, but you are an adult, and you are aware of your own decisions. Tell her you feel her negative comments are not necessary, as you are adult enough to make your own decisions and that you would appreciate support, rather than negativity.

Answer 4

tell her that you appreciate her advice but she shouldn't expect you to follow every bit of it.

Answer 5

sounds like my mom. im 23 so i dont know if that qualifies me as an 'adult' or not. but i basically realized this year that my parents are not perfect and that i dont want to be anything like them! i really care about them and i realized this year i try too hard to make them happy or proud of me, so i decided to start to do things more for myself. i was going to quit the job im at now because of them, but i decided , h**l, im happy where i am, and im not going to let them get me down. i just treat them with the usual respect and try and give them a respectful 'no, i dont want to talk about it. its my life, my choices' and change the subject when they start on me about something that makes me uncomfortable like that.

Answer 6

You know what honey, you dont!! I am 54 and still go to my Mom for advice. But, what I find is you have to set boundries or they will run your life !!!!! I finally now tell my mother what I will do, weather she likes it out not. My Mom for years tried to run my life. Your parents love you and want the best for you. But, its up to you make the right choices and bad choices of life. You set the course you will stay on now.Hope this helped.

Answer 7

i feel you, sister! i'm in the same boat, my mother always has something negative to say about ... well ... everything. she's what you'd call a pessimist. that said, here goes ...

the thing of it is, is, it all has to do w/ 1) how old you REALLY are (i know you said you're an adult, but not all adults are bright/smart/wise and have good judgment, right? also, at 18 you're considered an adult legally, but heck, what do you REALLY know about the world? and 2) how much sense your mother makes! your mother might be overbearing, but if she's had enough life experience of her own, and if she's typically sane/smart/wise/intelligent and makes good decisions and choices of her own, then chances are, she's only trying to protect you, and keep you from possibly making the same mistakes she made.

granted, some mothers are evil (hard to believe? not really, sigh), and some mothers are scared of ... something/everything and some are just insanely jealous of their kids and don't want them to have any better life than she has/had. other mothers aren't very bright, mean well, but don't trust what they don't understand, thereby limit their kids to their own shortcomings.

now then, how old should you be before you stop listening to your mother? let's see ... any age, truth be told. for argument's sake, let's assume your mother's normal and teaches you right from wrong from day one, and gives you a sense of confidence and let's you make your own choices, and deal w/ the consenquences, hopefully teaches you a lesson in the longrun, and no one gets hurt. life ain't always sunshine and roses.

if you're, let's say 8 yrs old, and your mother has raised you right, you don't always have to run to her about everything. hopefully you can make your own decisions, those any normal red blooded american 8 yr old is faced w/ on a regular basis. so you can make up your own mind about what you want for lunch that day.

if you're 18, and you have limited life experience, (be brutally honest w/ yourself on THAT one), and hopefully your mother has SOME sense about her, if you want to run away w/ a s**y albiet crazy musician, and she tries to stop you, kudos to her! i'd say listen to her, and do as she says, b/c basically, running away w/ a loon would be the death of you!

but if you're 21, and your mother is a moron (lord forgive me!), and you have the brains in the family, and granted you're on your own by now, you don't have to run every little detail by your mother before diving head first (read: cautiously) into it.

again, use the judgment god gave you! there are things you don't tell your mother, in the first place, b/c she might overreact, and it could be a nothing deal. why worry her for nothing. but any major life altering event -- you should discuss w/ your mother. that is, if you feel right doing it, inform her of your decision, but don't make it look like you're asking her permission or opinion or advice. just tell her what you're aiming to do, is all.

if you're at the ripe old age of, say, 60, and you're having a hard time deciding what to do ... about anything ... and you feel your mother could offer sound advice, based on yrs and yrs of life experience, and common sense/etiquette, etc, then by all means sit down and have a heart to heart.

there is no right or wrong, basically, little kids w/o any life experience and little to go on, should always tell their mothers everything, meaning, discuss the stuff that's troubling them, or ask advice about stuff they're not sure of. that kind of stuff though, has to stop at some point. you don't have to tell your mother every little itty bitty thing when you feel old enough and have the finances to back it up. for some people it comes sooner than others. if you're an independent 18 yrs old, living on your own, making your own money, and provided it won't influence your mother (whatever it is you're fixing to do) negatively, then go right ahead.

there is no magic age. the only magic is in you. are you confident enough? do you have any experience? are you on your own and making your own decisions? will it impact your mother negatively? do you have the means to do it? type of thing.

so if you're a 22-yr-old college grad, applying to law school and have no means by which to pay your debts/tuition/room and board/books/etc, and your mother is your main financial institution, then you would most likely discuss w/ her where you want to go to law school, where you'd live, and things of that nature. if you have a school in mind, run it by her and hope she has the means to pay!

or if you're a 19 yr old high school graduate, and if you have a steady job/income and you're living on your own and paying your own bills, then i don't think it necessary to ask your mother's opinion about anything that doesn't concern her. but that only works if you're independent and have good judgment and don't run home to mommy every time you goof. you need to be able to get yourself out of

Answer 8

When she stops making sense.  

Answer 9

No offense, but by using the words "a certain place" while telling us mom didn't want you working there, tells me that deep down you agree with her, that that place wasn't where you needed to be working.  I know I know, you want us all to agree that you're always going to know whats best, and to some extent, I do agree with that.

BUT (you saw that coming, right?) Mom is older, she has lived this earth a bit longer than you, had more experiences both good and bad than you. So there are times that she's going to be right in trying to advise you for or against some things. As bad as we all hate to admit it.. there truly is times when mom does know best.

I'm 30, and while I live independently, I still know when to stop thinking that I know it all, and rely on mom to help me along onto the right path.

Even if I don't always want to admit she's right, afterall who among us DOES want to tell our parents they were right?

My suggestion? Listen to mom, even if you really do feel she is wrong,.. let her know you'll at least take her words to heart, and give it some thought. And then, do as you think is best for you. Mom will know she's appreciated, and.. for those times when she's in the right, you'll be glad you at least listened to her.  

Answer 10

It sounds more like she is a roadblock for you. There are people who do not want their kids to achieve anything and will do what they can to stop it, and still want to be able to complain about lack of achievement. We're talking some seriously low self-esteem. She is basically competing with you.

I would suggest that you quit using your mother as a sounding board and move on ahead with your plans. Find someone else to mentor you.

When you do talk to your mother, try to keep the conversation geared toward really general stuff like the weather, and keep your plans to yourself. You can tell her of your achievements after the fact, but don't expect her to approve.  

Answer 11

If you are in your twenties and have your own place, your have every right to make your own decision and make your own life. Unfortunately, many mothers like to treat their adult children as if they are still less then 12 years old.  You are not alone.

Best thing to do is to make her aware of the situation and tell her that you will no longer share your life if she continues to be negative.  She should now be in a supportive role and let you find your own way.

Answer 12

Tell her that it's your life, & that you would rather try it & find out what you think then hear it from her.

There isn't really a way to say that without hurting some feelings, but you are an adult!. She needs to respect that & realize that you now have your own opinions in life.

Good luck!.