When someone abuses you, is it really a call for love?

Question

I heard that when someone abuses you, it is a call for love, but isn't that justifying it? Doesn't that just excuse his behavior, by putting a meaning on it?

Thank you

Answer 1

Thats some BS!! I think it is a lack of self love and respect on the part of the abuser. They obviously derive some satisfaction from being abusive, otherwise they wouldnt do it. Its a purely selfish act for their part withour much regard for the victim. It CANT be a call for love. Whoever said that needs to get their heads checked.

Answer 2

You have to be out of your mind to believe this drivel. Stay away from this type of person.

Answer 3

Call the cops lady.

Answer 4

Abuse is never a call for love. I think it has to do more with the personal insecurities and fears of the abuser. Abuse is selfish. It is their way of coping with their problems, but they don't realize the pain they cause on the abused person.  

Answer 5

I have to disagree with most of the posters here. It's all too easy to allow yourself to automatically hate an abuser, without really attempting to understand why they became abusive in the first place. Most abusers are not evil people at heart, although most of us who are not abusive would like to think that they are evil.

Yes, when a person abuses others, their abusive patterns are coming from a place of insecurity and great anger within them. Yes, abuse is an entirely selfish act. But what most of the posters here have missed is what is at the heart of the insecurity and the anger and the selfishness. Abusers are often abusive because they experienced abuse when they were growing up. And what happens when a person is on the receiving end of abuse? That's right, they aren't receiving any love! This lack of love in their formative years generates tremendous anger, which often expresses itself later on in the form of abusive behaviors. In other words, the abuser is an extremely angry person, and the initial CAUSE of the anger was the absence of love in his/her childhood. Therefore, when a person begins abusing another, their abusive behaviors are coming from the wounded place within them that never received the love they needed when they were growing up.

So, in essence, yes, abuse is really a cry for love. It's just an incredibly hurtful way of crying for love, that often passes down the pain for generations to come.

P.S. - To answer your second question, no, I don't think that recognizing that abuse is a call for love is a justification of the abuse. Recognizing the cause of a behavior doesn't make the behavior right or excuse it in any way. It's simply an EXPLANATION of where the behavior has come from. Only when we understand WHY a person is behaving in a certain way can we forgive them and move on, and/or get them the help that they need.

Answer 6

Abuse is always a call for help. Of course, if you are abusive, you HOPE that you are abusing someone who loves you, with the thought that they are strong enough to look/dive past the ugliness and see, and help, the 'real' you, but an abuser will abuse someone they really don't like just as easily as someone they could love.

One can't help an abuser without being strong themselves, and that means standing up to the abuser. Simply taking the abuse does not help the abuser or yourself, and any justifications given only promote the situation without helping at all.

Answer 7

Love doesn't hurt - if it hurts, it's something else.