When someone adopt, should they be raquired to accept more siblings of that child, should the next child need?

Question

When we adopted our son, I never considered the idea of him having a sibling who may need a home too. Although I did figure his mother would have more children someday.

I agree with keeping siblings together, but honestly, our plate is full. So *IF* we were asked to adopt a sibling, I don't KNOW that we could do it.

Do you think that weather or not a PAP is willing to parent future children of the same parents need to be considered ?

Are there signs that someone is likely to place future children? If so, is it better to place a child/baby with someone open to parent additional children from the same parent(s)?

Answer 1

I certainly wouldn't expect to adopt a sibling but IF my daughter's nmom insisted then I absolutely would. Even if finances were tight I'd make it work.

Answer 2

When someone adopt, should they be required to accept more siblings of that child, should the next child need?

I do not think so, NO.

Do you think that whether or not a PAP is willing to parent future children of the same parents need to be considered ?

I do not think so, NO.

Are there signs that someone is likely to place future children? Yes, if there is a history of pregnancies and placements.

If so, is it better to place a child/baby with someone open to parent additional children from the same parent(s)?  Better: YES.  However, they'd have to go through the homestudy process to make sure they would pass for an additional child.

SHOULD IT BE MANDATORY: NO.

PERSONALLY:  I don't have the money for another international adoption, however, if I was contacted by my agency or an adoption lawyer with a request from my son's natural mother, asking me to adopt him/her, I'd do EVERYTHING in my power to do it...  I'd have to beg and borrow, and sell any prized possessions I may have, but it would all be worth it for my son and I, and his sibling.

Answer 3

I do not think it should be a requirement, but I do think that the adoptive family should at least be considered in an effort to keep as much of the biological family together as possible.  However, I know what you mean about having a full plate.  Our son has a rare life-threatening disorder so I don't know if I could handle another child with the same condition, but I also know how important it would be to keep the siblings together - especially because of the genetic disorder and possibly shared medical information.

Answer 4

No one should be *required* to take more siblings.  Hopefully his first Mom will be able to parent her future children, if not, and you do not want to adopt them, I don't think you should feel like you have to.  You know what is best for your family, and adding a child into the mix when you aren't ready seems like a crazy idea.

Answer 5

When our son was placed with us through foster care we thought he would be the only one. The following month his big sister needed a place to go. Of course we wanted them to be together. Nine months later thier fmom was due with another and made an adoption plan. At first my husband was conserned if we would have enough time, money and space for four kids three age 2 and under. Exspecialy since we thought their 10 year old sister would need a place to go soon. After realizing that the baby was my children's sibling we talked about what was important. Is it more important for our kids to have their own rooms, only name brand clothes, and a stacked collage fund or for them to grow up with thier sister. We took a look at the big picture. At 18 would they rather have memories of thier childhood with thier sister or material things.

I can't imagine ever turning away my children's siblings. Children don't need much. In the grand sceem of things I think being with family is what is most important. I could see how some people may need to. I don't think it should be a requirement to accept another child.

I didn't know that we could do it either but it can be done.

We went from one kid to 5 in two years.

My husband and I started with our daughter. Our son was placed with us then his big sister and then his llittle sister, all having the same fmom. His baby brother was just placed with us in May, they have the same fdad. I could have never dreamed that we would have 5 kids 4 three and under but it is a dream come true.

My kids first families are unable to care for their children but feel it is very important for their children to stay together.

If I was a fmom I think it would be important to me if PAP's were willing to parent future children, I think it would be a good judge of who they are. Are they more worried about what they want or what is best for they child.

Answer 6

This is a child by child situation - and how many children you can physically, emotionally and financially afford? I adopted 5 children as a single parent - one private adoption and 4 through DSS, 2 sets of siblings. Each time their biological mothers lost custody of a child to DSS I was called to take that child. I did not take any of them for several reasons. I had 5 children - they had their own emotional, physical and educational needs. Two of my children were diagnosed as fetal alcohol babies. That in and of itself is difficult to deal with. Four of my children had learning disabilities - one was a failure to thrive.  They are all adults now and doing very well except for my youngest who was killed in an accident at 20 years of age. Am I sorry I didn't keep their siblings together? No, I did the best I could. My children thrived and are productive members of society. For this I am grateful. I only hope their siblings have recieved the love and care they needed and deserve.

ellie

Answer 7

I don't think anyone should be "required" to adopt a kid, but if their adopted child's siblings are going to be given up, it sure would be nice if siblings could be kept together.  

Perhaps they should be given the option to adopt them first, but required to?  No.  That could place an undue burden on them if they aren't in a position to take them in.

Answer 8

Well, I know that the government does not like to split up siblings; they like to keep siblings together. My parents considered adopting a family of three (one girl and twin boys) that no one wanted to adopt all together; everyone either wanted just the girl, just the boys or just one of the boys, but the state really held off on letting that happen. However, there have been many instances where biological siblings are broken up.

That being said, if your son has no biological siblings at the time of adoption, then no, you do not have an obligation to adopt any other children his mother might one day have. If you find out that she did have another one and can't take care of it, I think that you should at least consider it, but in the end you need to do what is best for your family and your son.

Answer 9

I was going to ask the same question!

I think I would feel a responsibilty to if needed and if I could, but I don't think anyone should be required.  

I think the first responsibilty of any parent is the children in their care already, so if it were to happen and you think you couldn't, then that's that.  Ultimately, future children of your child's birthmother aren't your responsibility, even if you would feel a desire obviously to do it if you could.

It's a really interesting question about it being a criteria for choosing adoptive parents.  I've never heard of it being.  I think it's a little presumptuous to expect someone to be placing more children for adoption in the future, and I'm sure it's very rare that that would be in a  biological mother's expectations or plans.

I know someone who accepted a referral for an infant boy (international adoption), then the mother decided to relinquish her 3 yr. old daughter also, so the family adopted both of them at the same time.  Then, a couple of years later, they were asked to adopt another baby who was the biological brother of their two kids, so they did.  It made me think about what we would do in that situation because I don't think we'd have been prepared for something like that.  Anyway, I guess it does happen ocassionally.

Answer 10

Required?  No, not required.

If my children's mother had more children and decided to place them for adoption in the US, if we didn't feel we could adopt them, we would certainly keep contact with the family that did adopt them.  

At the time a family adopts, there's no crystal ball to see where that family would be three, five or ten years down the road and if they would be in a position to adopt more children and I don't think it's a good idea to "require" it.

Answer 11

No they should not be required, but if the first parents decided that adoption was the best choice for them, then I would seriously consider it. In fact I am almost positive I would do it. I don't think APs should feel guilty about saying no though. Just like any other parents you have to be prepared to take care of another life.

Answer 12

YES if possible . I was seperated from my sibs, and I spent most of my life looking for them, and I missed out on sooo much not being with them.

My sister , also adopted feels the same way. never having some one who looks like you and shares similaritys is very hard especially as you enter your teens.

Answer 13

they dont place based on future children.  You would be the first one asked (if you are doing foster care).  Taking the child is your choice.  While it is good to have children together it is better to have children placed in homes where the parents are no overloaded.

Answer 14

No that should not be a requirement. It is not the adoptive parent’s responsibility to care for every child she gets knocked up with and decides to place for adoption. Now if they could take the child in and wanted too that’s great. But perhaps adopting another child would not be in their budget or they don’t feel they could handle another kid. The child that they adopted from the birthmother might not be their only child.  

Frankly if the Nmother is repeatedly getting pregnant and placing for adoption she has a serious issue and should probably be fixed.

However they could certainly ask if this child’s new family would be open to some sort of contact.

Answer 15

Personally I would not adopt a child with an available sibling unless I took them all.  To split them up would not be the right thing to do.