When someone cant get over a relationship split after 20 years............?

Question

......is it proof that true love exists and really cant be broken, or has the person who cant get over the split grown their sadness into an unhealthy obsession?

Answer 1

Cat,

It is my opinion that if you really love someone, even though you are not with them anymore, you still love them. I don't believe you ever really get over it, at best you just learn to deal with it. I do think it is OK to still care for that person as long as you don't let it interfere with your present life or your ability to move on. Also you aren't interfering with their life now either. Real Love is real love, that is that.

Answer 2

After 20 years it is more that he/she just is a habit.

Think of it as a whole new beginning.  

Answer 3

It doesn't prove anything, except maybe that peoples is crazy. It's not an uncommon story. It actually used to be more common when relationships were a bit different. It's just one of those things that happen. Heck, a lot of the American frontier wouldn't have been settled so quickly but for men disappointed in love who came west and never sought a relationship again.  

Answer 4

When times are tough, we tend to glorify things that don't necessarily deserve to be glorified.  We try to find simple answers to complex problems.  Someone who can't get over a relationship from twenty years ago is just struggling today and grasping for things in their search for happiness.  

Answer 5

Unhealthy obsession. I bet if they stayed together and didn't "split," the person who now can't get over it would still be unhappy (and probably more so - even if they can't see how that could possibly be), because the truth is that relationships end for a reason...

Whoever ended it would be unhappy had they stayed, and spilled that unhappiness over to their partner. And even if the split was because of something as seemingly trival as a move, if the "mover" person had stayed out of sacrifice alone, the relationship would definately suffer and unhappiness would follow....

It's a dangerous thing to put someone on a pedestal. *sigh* I know because I've done it for a looong time with a certain individual. It's unhealthy and I think you should respect yourself and your life more than that... easier said than done sometimes, but that's what it boils down to...

Answer 6

Option B.

After 20 years, it's simply a choice and a way of life.

Answer 7

Answer B but you will get over it eventually, I did, after 22years together, it took me several years to cope but I have met someone else and on looking back I wonder what took me so long to get over him.

Answer 8

unhealthy obsession if affects their daily life and they can't move on period.  people can think of another and have feelings for many years, even until they die, but to never allow anyone else in your life because your thinking of person that just left you 20 years ago is ridiculous to me.

Answer 9

Its something they can hold on to.. that only they can control and letting go can send them spiraling out of control.

Its not deffinately an obsession but it is unhealthy!

I've seen this happen and it isnt nice..

After 20 years it becomes more of a habit than a feeling or a attraction! x

Answer 10

If the relationship is one sided or the other person has someone else this could be very unhealthy.  

Answer 11

I would swing towards the second part.  There are many people out there who hang onto the sadness, then as time passes it becomes a part of them that they cant live without.

Imagine what they have denied themselves over those 20 years...smiles, other loves, experiences....

Answer 12

try saying this everyday..

my love for you is a gift

i ask nothing in return

i wish you happiness

with or without me.

and cry your heart out..

it has helped me a little

but the pain will always be there..

Answer 13

This is a very good Question. If you truly love them, Yes why not.

I think you learn to live with out them. And be happy but still miss and love them also..  

Answer 14

It depends.....

My Gramma lost my Grampa when they were both young.  They had courted one another for years, finally married, and he died young of a stroke.  He worked himself to death, basically, back in the days when you plowed the fields with a team of horses and threshed (harvested grain) with a whole crew of men.  Gramma would cook on a wood fired stove for the farm hands, and the midday meal was the biggest one of the day.  It was a hard life and took it's toll on many good, hardworkin' folks....

Gramma never remarried.  She wore her wedding ring until the day she died 50 years later.  She was so much in love with Grampa Fred that she talked about him to us grandkids until we felt like we knew him.  My mom was just a little girl when he died, so we never had the chance to know him in person.

I believe that when she finally went home, he was the first one there to welcome her and they were together again and happy once more.

She never found love again because her first love was so great it couldn't be duplicated.  She didn't obsess unhealthily, she lived her life for her daughter and three grandchildren.

She was a role model for me; a wonderful example of strong, independent women.  She was a deadly shot with a rifle and could make a dress with no "fancy, store-bought pattern".  She loved her family as completely as she did everything in her life.

So, yes, true love can't be broken, even by death or old age.  

Answer 15

True love does exists. whether it is an obsession or not depends on whether the person gets on with their lives or not.

Answer 16

Let me know when you find the answer...

Tough question.