When someone says"I'm harder on you, cause I expect more from you"?

Question

how would you take that?

Answer 1

My parents said that to me when I was growing up.  I was the oldest, and I was expected to set an example for my two younger brothers.  They also expected more from me because I was very mature for my age and they sometimes forgot that I was just a kid.

Answer 2

The sooner people realise kids aren't colouring books that can be coloured the colours they fancy - the better life will be for everyone.

Harder= I'm a miserable, bad tempered, so ans so, and you are younger, smaller, and more vulnerable so I'll make myself feel big by pushing you around.

Love is the answer if you want the best from a someone, love and guidance - and some pointing in the right direction. Opening doors, and inspiration.

Next time some-one says that to you answer

'I'm doing my best to fulfil my dreams, and my potential, I welcome your input, but I don't work well under too much stress'.

Answer 3

I agree with MCQ316: it is a little suspect to say that, particularly if you're not the person's parent that you're saying it to.

I believe it could easily be an excuse for bad behavior.  In other words, treat someone like dung, and then placate and smooth their feathers by condescendingly expressing "...I expect more from you," when in reality, they had a bad day and bullied and pushed someone.

I believe it could easily justify terribly unrealistic expectations.

For example, the father that wants to vicariously live through his son's football years, even though the poor kid is shy in the talent department and not a good player.  Or the parent who wants their kid to be a doctor, but the kid-she/he/it just can get through high school.  That type of thing.

I would take with a grain of salt unless the person saying it had what I consider the AUTHORITY and the CREDIBILITY with me  to say it.  I grew up hearing it, though.  Since both my parents are dead now, and I'm 54, it better be somebody that I admire like Judge Judy letting that slip out.

Answer 4

sometimes it can mean that the person saying it has more faith in your ability to do whatever it is they are expecting done.... and that they don't have the same faith in others .. NOW ... I think that that is well and fine BUT .. it can place such a strain of responsibility on somebody that it causes more stress..............

IT IS INTENDED AS A COMPLIMENT .....

How would I take it ... as I do .... because it does happen to me...

It makes me feel good sometimes... but stresses me out big time other times as I always try hard but sometimes JUST CAN'T go that extra two miles without burning out later down the track....

and occassionally it makes me resent those who get off lightly because they aren't expected to try .... GRRRRR

EDIT:incidently I wrote my answer from a work perspective ... NOT a parental one.

Answer 5

It's just a psychological ploy used by people to get other people to behave in a certain way. It's not really a bad thing, but when you say this to someone. it is designed to make them feel that they have let themselves down. They go away thinking "that fellow thinks I am capable of a bit more". They will then try a bit harder to try and impress. That's the theory anyway. In practice, nobody gives a toss any more and won't try harder if their lives depend on it!

Answer 6

My dad always told me that. I understood. I had friends who were allowed to run wild and do whatever. Their parents expected nothing of them, and got nothing in return. We had morals and rules, and if they weren't followed, there were consequences. I'm holding my children to higher standards than a lot of kids their age. Kids are capable of a lot more than sitting on their rears and drooling in front of a t.v. all day.

Answer 7

I would think that the person stating this believes that I am capable of more or that I have potential to do more. So they think that with a little added pressure they are helping to motivate me.

Answer 8

Not a big fan of that philosophy.  I understand the sentiment.  You need to be challanged in order to achieve success, therefore someone with more potential would need to be challanged more.  My thing is, why can't you expect more from everyone?  Don't expect more from me just becuase I have more potential.  Expect more from everyone, then let those with more potential exceed your expectations and those with less potential fail to live up to your standards.  I think what you 'expect' should be the same for everyone.  Going easy on someone because you don't expect as much is equivalent to dumbing things down so the slow kid in class can keep up.  Be tough on everyone, let the weaker ones fall behind, or learn to catch up, rather than cater to them.

Answer 9

Life is hard.  Parents want their kids to grow up and do the right things in their lives and be able to deal with life and work and be a good human being.  Most parents anymore are way to laxs with their kids and they are spoiled, they are not going anywhere and they expect their parents to take care of them for life and that is not how it is.  Parents, we all know one day we are going to die, we just want are kids to be able to go on with their lives and know that they can be self sufficient and be okay.  No parent wants a slacker kid.  

I was the oldest and I got it from everybody parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. But anymore people don't expect more from their kids and they should because they really have a hard time coping with life because they are use to having everyone do for them.