When the doctor recommends Hospice would it be helpful if the children encourage their dying?

Question

parent to have the nurses come in? My boyfriends father is terminal but i just dont think he wants to make the decision to go on hospice....he has mentioned the doctor recommended it but hasnt come out and said "yes i want it" What should my boyfriend do?

Answer 1

some areas have hospice "houses" you can stay at if you have a terminal disease, other hospice is nurses who come in & keep you comfortable.  It would be good for everyone to fully understand what hospice means- no treatments like chemo to keep him alive- pain medications as needed.  If he and his son(your boyfriend) understood how it would work, who would be around & how often it would be the best way to make a judgement like that.  He may need other home health in to keep up with things as well.  Your boyfriend needs to talk to the doctor & the hospice group to get the best information to help his father make a decision. Many people don't fully understand it.

My mother in law could have been signed up w/ hospice, but didn't understand it either- she didn't want to go in & out of the hospital anymore- but she never got signed up & had to die in the hospital instead of at home.

Answer 2

He should sit down with his father and talk to him .. straight . . and find out how he feels. His father may not be ready for hospice, perhaps he wishes to continue fighting his cancer . . that is his decision totally. It really doesn't matter what the doctor recommends  . .it is how his father feels about it. Perhaps he still has hope . . and who knows maybe the next treatment will work . . no one really knows. So, your boyfriend needs to know your fathers thoughts about this . . what he wants to do . . it has to be his fathers decision.

Answer 3

He could  mention to his father that hospice care will allow him to die in his own bed...if he isn't on hospice, he will end up going to the hospital to die...the choice is his tho, your boyfriend can only point out the options available to his father.

Answer 4

He should talk to his dad - his dad mentioning it is his way of telling him he wants it, without freaking out his son and making him think he's giving up.

My friend's mom did hospice and it was the best decision the family ever made.

Do it while he can still talk and can make a "request will".  I don't know what it's really called, but it's basically what you want to happen after you can't talk anymore or are in pain and on a lot of drugs - my friends mom said she wanted a fan on her (she always slept like that) and a picture of her family on the bedside table, and ice water available, etc.

Your boyfriends dad is scared - he needs help now.  He needs his son to talk to him and say that he thinks it could be a very comforting thing for ALL of the family to know that dad is being so well taken care of.  He needs to tell his dad that he is going to be there for him, he won't have to go through this alone, and that he loves him and that he doesn't have to hang on for the family - that he has taken care of them all their lives, and it's the kids' turn to take care of dad.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Is there anyone at the Hospice who can come and talk to your boyfriend's father? My dad recently relied on our local hospice but was very reluctant at first to have anything to do with it. He met with some of the nurses and volunteers and also has a discussion with his GP and decided to try it. In the end the service that they provided was excellent. They even made a bed available at short notice for him, which he never actually used but which was reassuring being an alternative to the hospital.

Although it would help to discuss it with him it has to be his decision at the end of the day. Just try to help him to get all of the information that he needs to enable him to make an informed choice and encourage your boyfriend to support him whatever decision he makes.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Hospice is a great service - the people are caring, considerate and a HUGE help while you're family is going through the death of a loved one.  It kinda depends on your situation - hopspice nurses came to our house for both my grandparents.  They were fairly unobtrusive, and did a lot of the basic nursing work that needed to be done. If your boyfriends dad is sick enough to need round the clock care, I would push for it, only because the stress of being nurse and support group for someone is huge.... and it's very very emotionally painful.  If his dad is still pretty much ok on his own, then maybe waiting and watching would be better.....some people want to spend the time they have left "finishing things" and with loved ones.  Which is also understandable.  If he's up and about, then try and let him make the decision.  It's so incredably hard to admit that you need hospice care.  

Good luck with whatever you do, my thoughts and sympathies are with you