When to begin the Adoption process?

Question

Currently my husband and I are saving up for a house (looking to buy in the next year or so). We do not even want to seriously get into adopting till we have a house and stability to bring our child into. I know it takes a while with paperwork and all that, but I don't want to be sitting in an empty house for years before we can bring a baby home.

When it comes to adopting, we obviously want as young as we can get. I've heard of lawyers that you can go to that will find a pregnant mother who is looking to adopt for you, and you basically pay for all the prenatal care and the lawyers' bill and the baby is yours from the beginning.

Does this actually exist? If so, do you know how long the process of finding a mother like this normally takes (I know it depends on a lot of things)? Also, we live in Orlando, so if you know of any local places we can go to look into this, I would be most grateful!!

Answer 1

I adopted a baby boy this past year, who is now 11 months old.  He's perfectly beautiful, healthy, and wonderful.  I was introduced to his 1st mom through a mutual friend, because they'd been talking about placing a child.  We had a home study done, and the attorney did the paperwork, and the whole process took about 6 months (plus the waiting time in court), and about $1000.00.

On the other hand, the birth parents knocked on our door about a month ago, asked us to adopt again  When we had the paperwork drawn up, she went into labor, and changed her mind about placing the child.  I've helped her as much as I can without spending my savings, which I'm saving to adopt a sibling for my son.  Network with friends and family, co-workers, etc, and hopefully, someone will know someone.  It seems to be the easist way.  Good luck!

Answer 2

i am currently trying to foster to adopt so i can tell you the info. i know form that....as far as the process im going throuhg, you need a house and to have them come and look at it to make sure its okay suitable for a child.....unlike some answers...i understand why you "obviously" want as young as possible. i plan on doing 5 and under. i know that babies are harder to get because of the demand since usually adopters are people who cant have thier own. older children seem to be last pick and i wish there were more people who woul take them in,... but when it comes to someone who wants to raise from a baby up, like a birht parent would, this just isnt the best option. i would recommend going through a foster agency as the cost of adoption is around 30,000 and through foster care it is free.  

Answer 3

Hi Cynthia,

Yes, they do/it does exist.  Let me give you a 'heads up' that you may be about to receive a bunch of angry answers about this.  I'm against infant adoption, as are many here, for the reason that it is OFTEN (not always) unnecessary and it is OFTEN (not always) brought about in unethical/illegal ways.

I would caution you and your husband to be very certain (if infant adoption is the way you go) that the woman/girl who is relinquishing her child is really, really ready to do so... and wants to.  As an infant adoptee, in a situation exactly like those that I am against, the main reason for me is that my mother's relinquishment of me was due to lack of support.  She was not drug-addicted.  She was not a criminal.  She was not a child (a minor).  She would not have been a 'bad' mother.  Indeed, she is a wonderful mother to me in reunion and has been a wonderful mother to my 3 natural siblings.

Please be careful.  For your own peace of mind, be sure of the circumstances of the mother whose child you will parent -- regardless of the child's age.  In other words, be sure you are giving a home to a child that NEEDS a home and parents.  Not one whose mother would do just great as a mother with a little support.

Best of luck!

p.s.  Wanting a child "as young as you can get" is not as "obvious" as you may think.  Many (my husband and me included) would ONLY adopt an older child -- if we adopt.  Partially to make sure we avoid the unnecessary separation of parent/s and child.

Answer 4

I cannot recommend that you take babies from mothers. And, frankly, I don't see why you would 'obviously' want as young as you can get. While that is ONE way of going about it, it is certainly not the most ethical way.

Anyway, there are numerous 'young' children in foster care who have already been removed from their first homes and are actually waiting for a placement. These children range in age from 0-18. You can specify any age you like, though you will wait longer for an infant. There are many toddlers in foster care--from @ 6 months to 3 or 4 years old.  

Answer 5

"As far as I know, it is more difficult to find infants to adopt because they are snatched up so quickly by other parents looking to adopt..."

The word "snatched" in your question is telling.  This is one of the big problems in infant adoption.  

Here's some reading to give you a better foundation for the subject:

* "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky, Schecter, and Henig

* "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton

* "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier

Answer 6

You're describing a private adoption, meaning that you go through a lawyer rather than an agency.  Yes, they do exist.  But they are fraught with risks and dilemmas.

I will echo what others have said on this board.  Adoptive parents choosing to pursue the infant adoption route have to navigate some very tricky waters, ethically speaking.

Things to think about:  Is this mother choosing to relinquish her child of her own free will?  This isn't as easy a question as it sounds.  By paying for the prenatal expenses (and sometimes living expenses) does that feel like buying a baby?  A mother legally has time to change her mind, for any reason.  If she does, she is not legally obligated to reimburse you for prenatal expenses.  If you were pregnant and someone paid for your prenatal expenses, would you feel obligated to proceed with the adoption, even though your heart was screaming that this is the wrong thing to do?  

The lesson to take home from this is that adoption is extremely complicated.  There are no easy answers.  Do a lot of research and a lot of soul searching before proceeding.

Best of luck.

Answer 7

"I've heard of lawyers that you can go to that will find a pregnant mother who is looking to adopt for you, and you basically pay for all the prenatal care and the lawyers' bill and the baby is yours from the beginning."---any attorney who gave you that advice should be disbarred.

babies are the pregnant woman's until relinquishment. that happens after birth.

i'd take this time, work on your house and educate yourself a bit more on adoption.

regards.