When to stop Forgiving???? Advice please!?

Question

My fiance moved in with me two years ago, I asked him to leave ( after I found out that he was still married to a woman out of the country) then he lied to me about where he lived for a year. ( Actually lived with a woman he cheated on me with.) We live in different states so I just believed what he told me. I only found out when she made claims he hit her, after finding out he and I were still communicating. Of course I was in court with him, supporting his dumb ***!

I have supported him in EVERYTHING! I paid his child support, bought his kids clothes, housed them and paid for travel to and from the US to visit him. He lived in my house and never paid for one thing! He continues to ask for money and had yet to really get his life together. He and I have two children together and I am pregnant with our third.

I am on vacation and he called and asked me to send him money. I told him no ( as I think he is cheating again) and he said this:

"Karma is a *****. I am sure you know that. It's waiting for you back home. I already did my dance with Karma. You got three replacements from me".

My two daughters were killed three years ago. Hence, the "replacement" comment! I was shocked he would go there! How dare he say one thing about replacing any child. I feel it's unforgivable! I have asked him to never contact me again. And I do not believe I will EVER forgive him.

What an insensitive ******! This is the man who claims to love me so much, yet does and says the most disgusting and hurtful things.

When is it time to stop forgiving a person who continues to say/do such horrific things???

Answer 1

No, honey. You need to move on and find someone else. I would recommend a book called "its called a break-up because its broken" its by the guy who wrote "He's just not that into you" so its kinda funny. He and his wife wrote it. It hepled me and i'm sure it will help you. And i can't believe you didn't kill him after that comment about your daughters. I wish I had your strenght.  

Answer 2

Forgiving is not about condoning a behavior.  Forgiving is about giving up any animosity, resentment, anger...all that, to somebody has affected you in that way.  It's letting go of all that, then allows you to be free and living again.  You wish them well in your heart and then let go.  You are no longer tied to him, and he no longer has any sort of power over you.  You don't have your own personal power when you don't forgive.  Do you want your life back?  Then forgive him.  This is the true meaning of forgiveness.  

Answer 3

Forgiveness is a hard thing to do. I don't think that I am a good enough person to forgive what he said, and I sure as he** would not be able to forget what he said. He sounds like a world class jerk. If i were you I would probably beat myself up that I was stupid enough to stay with him for as long as I did. You deserve much better than him girl. Go out and start looking for someone else. Your karma will come back and kiss you, and if there really is karma....it should come back and bit him in the a**.

Answer 4

You sound like a very practical woman who just has been way too kind for your own good. I think you should have stopped with him at the beginning, but, since there is no capability to go back in time, just count your losses and look forward. He obviously didn't love you, and was just hanging on to you for your financial stability. If he's the kind who will resort to near-bigamy and all this other stuff you're telling us, he's obviously a dirt-bag who doesn't deserve the type of devotion you have given him. Your happiness has been dramatically affected by his churlish and boorish nature, and since he has obviously been unfaithful to you and not proven his words in any way, there is no possible reason you should feel bad for him. Dispose of him. Wash him out of your hair. If he pursues you, disappear from his life by moving, changing your name, etc. He'll just keep crawling back to you if you don't make it absolutely clear to him that you want nothing to do with his garbage. Unfortunately, if you give a rat a cookie more than once, he'll continue to keep coming back until you make certain he can't even get the chicken bones from the trash can.

I'm glad you're realizing that you've been too kind to him. Take action now, have nothing to do with this man any more. I would still have the child, especially since your other daughters have died. But never hold it against her that her father was an absolute scumbag.

I would write a book about your experience, either as fiction or as an inspirational autobiography, and that would be one way to make lemons into lemonade.

Also, find someone wholesome! Someone who really does love you! Try to find someone who reminds you not even remotely of your previous lover; chances are, they won't be like him if you try specifically.

Best wishes, poor dear.

Answer 5

I just wanted to offer my support and apology for being treated so terribly. that is f*cking awful!

There are honestly just some idiots like this in the world. I can't offer any advice, but I think you know what's best to do for yourself. You seem practical and intelligent, and without a doubt I'm sure you'll find your way, and yourself better through this.

Easier said than done, yeah, but I can tell you're strong, and you'll be alright.

YOU DESERVE BETTER

Answer 6

wow this is horrible! is he currently in jail? if not he should be! first of all i don't even know how you had 2 kids, another 1 on the way before realizing how horrible he was, and why did he become your fiance in the first place?? i would have dumped him from the start..

but anyways, they say to "forgive as god forgives" but i don't think i would have the heart to do such a thing and for something like that he should be in jail for life, giving ALL of his money to you and his other wife.. if he has any

but you know what after years and years of being without him and when you calm down, you can forgive him for being an ***..

and he knows NOTHING about karma, because if he really did know, he would have known that the pain he has caused to you will come right back to him. and it will because karma is deffinately NOT done with him yet..

Answer 7

I don't know much, but like the mojority of us, you got the wrong idea of frogiveness. Forgiving someone does not mean that you have to stay with him nor does it mean you have to leave him. It doesnt mean that you have to stay in a situation that you dont like. You also might want to look at the fact that you may be mad at yourself for staying with this guy who has not been straight with you, so your probably mad at him and yourself. But if he doesnt care for you, IT NOT YOUR FAULT.  and deal with your anger, YOU SHOULD FEEL ANGER. Dont try to dodge your anger, by jumping to forgiveness.

and PS

You are innocent, completely innocent, but you are NOT a victim and you don't deserve what you are getting.

Question everything in your life for now on and dont believe everything a man tells you. even question your own self if you have doubts.

Been there, Done that. The guy I wanted to marry, I found out when we were together that he already had a wife in the Philippines . I remember those days and Gosh I am glad it is ALL over. its like a dream now, but oh not for you. you have to deal with so much pain, still... the quicker you get in touch with your anger, the better, and that doesnt mean yelling at him. That just keeps an unnecessary negative connection. The anger I am talking about is when you feel it all over and it hurts and it can last 10 minutes, an hour, a day, or 3 days and you cant take it any longer and it just breaks or you explode

good luck