When to tell someone about a disability that isn't obvious? Would you date a fabulous but disabled person?

Question

First of all- would you consider dating a disabled man or woman who had chronic pain and could not work full time but was intelligent, interesting, positive, loving, and fun (or othe rgreat qualities) attractive man/woman? Not an obvious disability, but one that does sometimes affect life (pain or physical problems) - but still a high functioning mate, great parent, loving, frisky etc.? Secondly, when do you tell someone? Without any obvious signs, when should someone disclose their disability to someone? My thoughts are as the relationship starts to get emotionally/physically serious and before it is committed. Your thoughts?

My concern is by not talking about it immediately it could be seen as being somehow dishonest, some advice says to up front tell someone, immediately. However, this could lead to discrimination before having the chance to show one's better qualities and how someone deals with their disability. Also, I think it's a little personal for some people to discuss right off the bat unless its obvious. How often do people who don't know one another well discuss health related problems? I am writing an article about this, and while I may have my theories, I really would love to see how others feel about it in order to look at the issue from many angles. Or to have some affirmation that my thinking is on the right track.

Answer 1

I have intractable epilepsy. I have little seizures that people won't notice, medium seizures that probably look like I'm on drugs, and big convulsions.

I used to try to keep that info to myself. Then my daughter started having seizures, and I immediately became a vocal advocate.

I do tell people, because it comes up. Hopefully, people see that I am a competent, worthwhile person in spite of my disability.

If they don't, that's their loss.

Answer 2

Mine's somewhat obvious, but some people don't notice. I have cerebral palsy on my left side and can't do much with my left arm, and I walk with a slight limp (which is noticeable, sometimes more some days than others). I'm not afraid to tell people about my disability.

Answer 3

Yes I would. My girlfriend is in the category of disabled being deaf. She is a wonderful person.

I would tell them right away, but my disabilities are different. I am not like mentally disabled or anything.

Answer 4

yes of course but would they date me ? should it realmatter  no my sister was married  to a chap in a wheel chair  he was great  but they did grow apart  but are still good friends  

Answer 5

I have a variety of disabilities - mildly deaf, dyslexia, dyscalcula, and a spinal cord injury. I am very upfront about all my disabilities from the get-go.  It is a part of who I am  and nothing to be ashamed of or hide.  I don't want to get interested in someone only to find they can't handle my disabilities. It may not be part of the discussion the first time we meet, but it will be soon after.

Answer 6

Well I'm gonna start off by sayin' I'm disabled.. u'd never know if by lookin' at me tho. I'm very open about my disability.. Afterall, I have to live wit it for the rest of my life so why hide it? I can't hide from God so I won't hide from neone. I'm very open wit people 'bout it. I'm only 21 yrs. old and suffer every single day from chronic pain, I can't even play wit my 1 and a half yr old son half of the time because I'm hurtin' too much. I'm often a lil embarassed because my fiance is a very active 23 yr old black man who enjoys sports, dancing and just acting silly mean while I'm left feeling like an 80 yr. old woman so I often get scared thinking he's goin' to leave and decide he wants to be wit someone who can do everything he does but I know he's happy wit me and wouldn't be wit out me. I can't work, I can't bare to stand or sit for a long period of time, it's like I get stuck and can't get back into position. I'm alright as long as a doctor gives me medication, but nobody wants to help me, thanks to the people who abused the drugs and screwed it up for everybody. The point I'm tryin' to make is that I would definently be wit someone who was disabled because I've learned that I'm accepted for who I am which means everything to me and just because ur constantly in pain doesn't mean u can't enjoy life wit someone. Everybody needs somebody, some more than others and someones always gonna b willin' to be there more than another. Never be ashamed 'bout ur disability, it's a part of u... be very open 'bout urself! There's nothin' to hide so don't hold back.. it's 'bout a persons heart, not their body.

Answer 7

Sound like me.

I like to find a girl that want to accept me and understand that I am special in things. I have skills but disabled from certain position.

I wouldn't reveal my disabilities but something that I am able to do!

Answer 8

I am a Person With Disabilities (PWD) by birth. I have various obvious physical Disabilities from birth. I also have some acquired invisible Disabilities due to a botched up major surgery.

Yes, I would date another PWD.

I do not feel comfortable in telling a person about my invisible Disabilities at the beginning of any relationship. I prefer to wait in telling a person about my invisible Disabilities until the person really knew me as a person and seen me for who and what I am as a person before I told the person about my invisible Disabilities. If a person will not accept my physical Disabilities, then the person will not accept my invisible Disabilities.    

I am not ashamed of my Disabilities. I am proud of who and what I am. I am proud of being a PWD.