When two people fall out of love - can you ever get it back?

Question

I've been married 7 years. For the past year...we've been disconnected. He has changed a lot...and I've changed as a result, also. I know that I am not in love with him at the moment. However, I've read that during the course of a marriage, people fall in and out of love many times. I am sad because I don't want to live unhappily...I'm only 28 and too young to be depressed. But, How how do you rekindle what you had a long time ago? Obviously, I can't change him...so, our relationship now needs to adapt to his new personality. (he is impatient, and his favorite word for me is 'whatever'.) I want to know - if you've been in my position - how did you work it out? And will it ever be good again?

Answer 1

It has its ups and downs

Answer 2

Hi I'm also going through the same kind of thing at the moment but i only have 9 weeks until i have my husbands baby. I never thought there would be a chance but just today i meet two ladies the are back with there husbands and i asked them wat they did. MARRIAGE COUNSELLING they said it was hard work to be back the way they were back they couldnt be happier. All the best

Answer 3

What you read is correct. People do fall in and out of love all the time during a long term marrage, hopefully with eachother and not someone else. It takes effort from both parties. His whatever attitude isn't a good sign. Your going to have a hard time rekindling things on your own. Perhaps you both are due for a romantic vacation? If you think your relationship is on its death bed tell him so. Perhaps he will put more effort into things and if you do the same you may just fall back into the love you once had and maybe more. .  

Answer 4

Being 'in love' is an actual chemical reaction that generally doesn't last past a year or two. Commitment can be lifelong - to continue loving is a decision that you both have to make. Unfortunately most couples in this day and age are too immature/selfish to make that decision. They go for what's 'easy' and walk away rather than working on building a stronger, more satisfying relationship with the person they took their vows with.

It is completely possible to reconnect and be even stronger and more satisfied with your relationship than before - for both of you. But you both have to be willing to take the journey together . . .

A good first step is counseling. Either by yourself or together. But make sure you get a counselor that is family-oriented. There are a lot of counselors out there who will still just tell you to 'do whatever makes you happy' or encourage you to do whatever seems easiest (which is often walking away from the relationship). Try reading Gary Chapman's 'The Five Love Languages'. It's a very good read that definitely makes you look at both sides and think about what you want. The main thing to keep in mind is that it's going to take ongoing effort from both of you.

Answer 5

WELL ITS BEEN TOO LONG FOR YOU TOO HAVE BEEN AWAY HE WOULD HAVE LEARNT A LOT AND YOU ALSO WOULD HAVE MISSED A LOT,TRY TO SPEAK AND GET BACK,TO BREAK IS EASY TO MAINTAIN IS DIFFICULT,28 IS A YOUNG AGE BUT STILL WHAT IS THE GURANTEE THE YOU WILL GET A BETTER PERSON THAN HIM,IF YOU FIND A BETTER PERSON THEN ITS OK

BUT IF YOU GET A STILL WORST PERSON LATER YOU SHOULD NOT REPENT FOR WHAT YOU MISSED

SO TRY TO BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE  

Answer 6

No, you can never get it back again.  I have been in your position, and I got divorced.

Answer 7

he has changed why u changed it make no difference in both of you. in love don't say u r mine say i m yours . and its the nature of human being that it change with the passage of time . try to get him and the misunderstandings which were between u and him remove them and try to start new life . every human being face ups and  downs so, don't run way face the truth. don't worry

Answer 8

you can get it back.  but only if 2 are willing to work on it.  one can not work at it alone.  marraige counseling with therapist or minister and lots of prayer and patience.

Answer 9

Sit him down.  Tell him to be honest with you.  If he want talk to you, tell him that there is no recourse, this marriage isn't working because you're the only one trying.  That might get his attention.  And then you two have to actively engage each others emotions and listen clearly to one another.  Be respectful, but don't placate one another.  It takes, time, patience, understanding and love.

Answer 10

I have been married nearly 7 years, and yes it's been hard work.  But that's what it's all about.  That's how we learn and grow.  My husband and I have definitely had our trials to go through, and there were MANY times I could have walked away.  But, h**l, if I did that - I wouldn't have what I have now... I am SO glad we worked our way through it.. we are a lot stronger for it.  I think society makes it so easy to just walk out when the going gets tough.  

I actually wrote a post that might just help you out and give you some ideas, you can check it out at: http://www.squidoo.com/tipsandwaystosave...

I hope it helps you out...  

All the best :)  

you can do it!

Answer 11

Well, from my experience marriage does have it's ups and downs, but I feel that your husband is being a bit Too cold if you say he is answering "whatever".  My husband and I have had our share of bad times, but we always kept the respect for each other no matter what we were feeling.  And I think that neither of us ever felt like we weren't in love anymore.  Keep an eye out for signs, I don't want to insinuate anything that isn't happening but he seems to be uninterested.  Might he be seeing someone else?  that's just speculation, but look for the signs.

And I'm just plain sorry that you are going through this, I really am.

Answer 12

you're right, you do fall in and out of love, sometimes it bounces back to a better place, other times it leads to breaking up. YOU NEED COMMUNICATION...his 'whatever' comments touched a nerve with me. he currently couldn't care less what you have to say, we all change every five years or so, but it's helpful if you change together, not apart,  personally for me, both my ex's changed too much for me to love them again. I need up front honesty, we all do, otherwise little pieces of love float away. Will he even discuss it with you??? Third time round i try a lot harder to compromise but overall relationships are all the same, time will tell...I have no concrete advice. You tend to recieve the vibes you give off, if you yourself are not in love right now, his mood will respond to that, have you tried to foirce your mind back to better times,it's hard but worth a try, hope you'll be okay in this

Answer 13

I was in your position and tried counselling but we were just too different after 10 yrs (met when I was 20). I think counselling is definitely worth a shot but these days I'm of the opinion that although a marriage has ups and downs if you are out of love then it's not going to come back. True love lasts a lifetime.

Answer 14

Been there done that sweetheart. Best advice forget about pleasing him and start doing thing for yourself. Revamp yourself. What were you like when you first started going out? Remember who you were and not the couple you are now. A little change won't hurt this is a process you both have to go through but keeping things spicy helps. I try to do something spontaneous once in a while. It does get better unfortunately everything takes time.Remember it was for better or worse and your going through the worst. Either it will make you appreciate each other more or drive you straight to a divorce but a least you can say you gave it your all.