When was the last time you woke up next to a member of the royal family?

Question

It happened to me again this week, I’m not naming names but she did promise me my knighthood was in the post. Thank you ma'am.

Answer 1

Psssst, I was lying just to get you in the sack.

Answer 2

wasting your (and my) time.

/

never.

/

how dare you!!

Answer 3

Rotter old bean, have you been tumbling with Lizzy again ?

i keep telling you that Absinthe and rohypnol are a bad combination...she never remembers after wards ? that's the problem...you could try Anne ? er ...well maybe not...or Camila...er ops Lord Smythe has been there...er..try the ginger one ...you know the out cast nutter that lives over the pond..she may not give you a knight hood but according to "biffy" she will give you something else ?

Answer 4

This morning. Am married to a princess. (My daughters behave like princesses!)

Answer 5

Only in my dreams, lol.

Answer 6

Congratulations on your knighthood, but  I've been promised the crown jewels and the member in question does not belong to Philip or Charles!

Answer 7

I've a dim memory of bedding a stripper named Queenie, but the deed itself was its own reward, old bean.

Answer 8

You can get help for that you know .

It's called psychiatry , lol...

Answer 9

Ah Rotter dear boy. If this 'liaison by royal appointment' took place during one of your gin fuelled benders in a Travelodge on the A483 Wrexham Bypass, then I’m afraid you are likely to be disappointed in your hopes for a K. If this particular princess arrived in a heavily liveried 18 wheeler (which she tried to explain away as ‘eccentricity’) and had an unusual amount of facial hair (which she suggested was a result of inbreeding within Eurotrash royalty) I suspect you are likely – at best - to be getting a conciliatory letter from the legal department of Eddie Stobart.

If I was you, I wouldn’t mention too much of this at the Club. Especially not after last years misunderstanding over the disabled choirboy in the piggy back race.

Answer 10

Dude, there was this one time... Ah, I shouldn't talk about it, let's just say that there are quite some butt-buddies up there.

Answer 11

I have a Noble man in my bed does that count?

Its great to hear you survived to tell the tale.

Chin chin chap.

Answer 12

I do believe you're baiting me old bean ? You know fully well I was sleep walking on that fateful night at Buckingham Palace. To this day I insist it was a mixture of alcohol and sleep walking that I ended up in Prince Margaret's boudoir - I even dreamt I was making love to a horse.

Answer 13

Yesterday morning. I awoke after a night on the gin at Madam Fifi Latours Palace of Pleasure and I said to Camil...er...well..er..I said to this woman, hello and goodbye. She didn't look half bad after a bottle of gin, however, in the morning, quite frightful. Don't know how Charlie does it in the morning, probably has to have a couple of tumblers of gin to enable him to turn over to face it. God alone knows how Tony Blair does it, dreadful looking woman, must take drugs or something.

Answer 14

I would be mortified were to happen!

Incest does not sit well with me, even though 'relations' between third cousins in perfectly legal.

Answer 15

Good God better you thaan me.

Answer 16

Three years ago to the day.

'Twas a Balmy evening, awash with the flicker of candle lights, a heady scent of Opium, less than savory smells of Ghastly going-ons and and a rip roaring Prince Phillip beating the Bejabbers out of some wizened little Seedy Hole Proprietor off Old Kent Road for not bringing him the "Crumpets" he ordered. He eventually succumbed to a blissful sleep.

As did I, but awoke with the Queen stroking my face and passing me some Tea and Shortbread, proper Shortbread from that place in Scotland.

"Lovely Ma-am!" I spluttered, she went all coy, rolled around the bed like a Tigress, fluttering her eyes.

Well? A Peerage for me Wot! Eh? By Jove.

Answer 17

Every day for 10 years.

I had a cat.

Answer 18

Why just yesterday morning I was talking about the queen mum and my morning tryst with her royalness last Sunday.  I remember saying,

Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl but she doesn't have a lot to say.

Her Majesty's a pretty  nice girl but she changes from day to day.

I wanna tell her that I love her a lot, but I gotta gotta belly full of wine.

Her Majesty's a pretty  nice girl, some day I'm gonna make her mine.  Oh yeah, some day I'm gonna make her mine.

Answer 19

you told me that YOU, were a member of the royal family?  you also told me that you loved me?   :(

Answer 20

Never happened to me.

Answer 21

well she made an impression on me ........................round ones !!!

(sorry only money in my pocket..............nothing rude!!!)

Answer 22

You Rotter how very dare you insult our dear 'her madge'  I hope Bongo doesn't get to hear of this as I know he's a royal fan.  He keeps a pic of our dear departed Queen Mother in the top pocket of his waste coat when he goes out with the shot gun, and then to the slug and bucket.