Ever since I can remember i have always felt a sadness about me and i have never been able to shake it. I'm talking way back when I was 4 or 5 years old. Im now 26, during my teens I had several nasty experiences, to name only a few without going into to much detail, I was gang raped, I got heavily into drugs including IV. Some how I got myself off the drugs and i have been clean for 3 years now, although the craving never goes away. I have been diagnosed with severe depression & borderline personality disorder. Im on sertraline now but have been on everything you can think of for many years and nothing seems to work. I was even hosbitalised. I have been trying to find a time when I was young and i was happy but there is nothing, any memories i have are filled with sadness even though my childhood wasn't so bad. I believe I have had this sadness from birth. This sadness is so heavy, i have been carrying it around for so long I am so tired. when will it be over. I want the sadness to leave me & the pain to stop. Thats not to much to ask is it? I hear music sometimes, clear as if it was on the radio, I'll ask if any one else can hear it and they cant. Then suddenly it will stop, Im not near anything that can play music and not close to anywhere where i would hear it as i am at work, why do i hear it? If your still reading, can you relate? Or am completley barking. when will it be over?
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