When women say they 'get attached in relationships and lose sense of self-worth' how does this not show..?

Question

another piece of evidence of their apparent ineptitude in relation to men?

I was looking at the latest question about how women often date 'jerks', and all the answers were similar for the most part, but the one that really inspired me was from user: "food 4 thought". Here is a part of what she submitted. (I hope you don't mind)

"Having said this, I've often wondered myself, when I am in unhealthy relationships with "jerks", why I was in them. It mostly has to do with self-worth. These jerks usually begin as nice people and as the relationship deteriorates so does your self-worth. You begin to believe the person who treats you like you're not worth much and you feel that this is the best you can do."

Now i'd wager that most of us have heard this sentiment from women on numerous occasions. They often times talk about SELF WORTH and how jerks can sometimes cause a woman to 'mistake' her own SELF worth.

>> I find that odd. How can this not be seen as weakness? What if a man said this? What if a small population of men said this?-- Would you brush it off and comfort them and reaffirm them as many people often do to women? / or would you simply tell them how weak they look, and that their self worth was actually probably not misjudged at all

Answer 1

I would, and I have, affirmed men as well as women when the men were strong enough to acknowledge their own vulnerabilty.

I think it takes great emotional strength and awareness to be so honest. Perhaps particularly so for men because in our culture we tend to show contempt for so called "weakness". Your comments are a perfect example of contempt for feelings. Here is a woman who is hurting, articulating some emotional awareness and you view it as "hysterical", "foolish" and "dense." I don't think that helps people. In fact, I find it rather shaming.

I have no idea how "most people" view it. I hope, that most people would be inclined to build up someone who has taken a hit to their self-esteem, rather than put them down further.

Answer 2

It is weakness. It just proves the woman can't get with the program.

Answer 3

some women are weak, some men are weak. loads of men and women i know go back time and time again to someone who mentally and emotionally abuses them by cheating, breaking away their confidence etc.

thats their fault not their genders.

Answer 4

And you don't think the same exact thing happens to men, too?

It does. Just as often.

You don't know that it doesn't. I don't know that it does. But I'm willing to bet it's pretty close, meaning this is a topic best constructed as a *people* thing, and not a gender thing, since you have no way of knowing that it happens with one gender more often.

Answer 5

This does happen to men and I've talked with men who this has happened to.  Why do men stay in abusive relationships?  Because some do.  Why do men stay in relationships where they are physically abused?  Because some do.  They, too, start to believe the lies of their partner as they begin to think that "this is the best I can do".  

And I think no less of the men that I have talked to that this has happened to.  It is not weakness or hysteria, its about making the wrong choices or loving the wrong person.  Love can make fools of us all, be you male or female.  Obviously this must happen to men as you consider them "weak".  But that is your weakness-- to so quickly disregard the emotions of men simply because they are men.

It is not good to judge your own worth by what your partner evaluates it as-- however, this does not make a person weak-- it means they made bad choices.  Most can move on from those mistakes-- and if they do, THAT shows their strength.

Besides, you hear that "women date jerks", but I've heard plenty of times that "men date b*tches".  So both genders fall into these situations.  

Answer 6

I don't put up with a******s no matter who they are; if you **** me then you know it and I'll flip you off. I don't have the time or the care to indulge idiots. My life is too good at the moment to worry about 'jerks' I just don't associate myself with them of either s*x.