When would I have to decide on adoption?

Question

Can I wait until the end of my pregnancy?

Can I wait until he or she is born?

How do i find an adoption agency in my state?

Answer 1

you can wait forever, if you want.  Truthfully, after a child is two years old, their chances of finding a family drop dramatically, but you can wait until several months after the baby is born to make your final decision.

Google "adoption agencies" and "your state here"

Get references from birthparents.  Insist on talking to them face to face.

If you are thinking of placing in Ohio, PLEASE contact me privately so that I can steer you away from the agency we used.  They dropped my son's mom like used kleenex once she had signed the paperwork.

We are NOT looking to adopt again at this time.

Answer 2

Don't let the multi-billion dollar industry get their claws into you before absolutely necessary - they will do their utmost to prevent you from changing your mind.

Have your baby, then decide.  There is no shortage of potential adoptive parents waiting in line to get your baby so let them wait and don't be pushed into any decisions before you meet your baby face-to-face

All best wishes to you, whatever you decide to do

Answer 3

It is your body, and your baby! When you go ahead and do the steps for adoption let them (social workers, lawyers and adoptive parents) know that you may change your mind. This way if you hold your baby or feed your baby and have doubts it's laid out there.

Here are a few links I hope they help and good luck to you -

I know your heart will tell you what is best -

Answer 4

You can do it any time you want.

You can bring your baby home with you, learn what parenting is like, and then if you truly can't handle it, you can relinquish two months, six months, nine months later.

And in fact I would RECOMMEND that you spend at least a few weeks with your baby, getting to know each other (outside the womb), letting you gather first-hand info about what parenting this child will be like.

Absolutely do NOT firmly decide on adoption before you give birth. Please.

And you should know that while there is a minimum amount of time you must wait after birth before you're allowed to sign the consent to adoption/termination of parental rights papers, those are MINIMUM wait times. Social workers, agencies, lawyers are likely to try to get you to sign as soon as the wait time has elapsed (usually 24 to 72 hours, depending what state you live in)--but you don't HAVE to sign then. You can take as much time as you need.

Please don't rush this. It's such a life-altering decision. I wish every day I'd taken more time... I might have my little girl with me right now, if I had.

Answer 5

As an adoptive parent, I would like to offer you this answer for your consideration.  It might  be  a good idea if you contacted the  adoption agency of your choice (we used Catholic Charities, but there are other good ones out there.) They will offer you  counceling and information on your options, and the positive and negative  aspects  of your decision.  You probably should do this before you come to term, since you are calmer now  than you will be during and after the birth. Since you are not sure you want to place your child  for  adoption, it would  be unkind to go "private" i.e. contact a possible couple  through the newspaper or other source, because the hopeful new parents would be emotionaly devistated should you decide to keep  the baby.

Most states have  a window of time when the birth-mother  can change her mind about placement, so you would have a chance to do so.

As for where you can locate an agency, check with your church, or look in the phone book. You can intervew the social  workers there and decide which one you feel  more comfortable  with.

In the end it  is really about what  is  best for the child.  I have always been thankful to, and deep admiration of, the  mothers of my own  two children  for giving  me treasures beyond value.

Answer 6

You can make that decision at any time!  There is no need to rush into it if you are not 100% sure that is what you want to do.  Many try to get started as soon as they make the decsion that adoption is for them, and some start contacting adoption agencies before they have completely decided.  

I may suggest that, they will be able to counsil you and help you make that decision and a good agency will not push you into deciding adoption.  I do not know what state you live in, but Family To Family Adoptions Inc are a great agency in Texas and they work with families all over the United States.  Their website is fam2fam.org

Their phone number is 1-800-385-6301

Good luck with whatever path you choose.

Answer 7

I'd wait as long as it takes to be sure this is what you want to do, and be very clear in what your state allows during the legal process of relinquishing your rights.

Also consider a private open adoption, so that the parents you choose will allow you to maintain some kind of agreed upon contact so that you don't feel you have to say goodbye forever.  You can work out the details with a lawyer, and it could be anywhere from yearly updates to photos and possibly even a visit here and there.  Also the baby will never have to wonder what happened to you.

If I were the lucky potential adoptee I would agree to that.

Best of luck to you, your situation is a hard one I hope it works out!!

Answer 8

Yes, you can wait until after your child is born.  I am very much in favor of choosing adoptive parents AFTER the birth.  Before birth sets adoptive parents up for heart ache and is coercive to expectant parents.

I suggest that you call social services for a recommendation on an adoption agency.  And ask questions - about counseling, contact with your child after birth, screening of adoptive parents.  Do not just pick an agency out of the yellow pages or on the WEB, most of the heavy advertisers are unethical.

Thank you, mommy2sq, for caring about ethical adoptions!

Answer 9

You can change you mind up to the time you sign the papers, i think a day or two after birth

If change your mind, when the child is born.  This happen to someone I know

In the phone book, or google adoption agency

Good luck

If you do go with adoption, do the one, you can interview the people who want to be the parents

Ask questions, nothing is to personnel

My brother and his wife got they child, from a birth mother who ask questions.  One of the reason why she pick them, was the little girl middle name would be Elizabeth, after my mom who died.  It was her dead mother name, and she thought it was a sing.  May sound odd, but it works.  At the time, they did not have a first name, they were going to use my middle family names.  A boy would of been my sister in-law fathers name.

Odd questions, like using family names, help making a decision.  Also, meeting them, give you a gut feelings about them.  

Good luck to you

Look into adoption, also look at more than one angency.  Not all are a good as others

Answer 10

You can make your decision at any point; and probably change your mind also.

I would think it would be easier to tell the "adoption agency" that you wanted to do it before the baby is born; as then they could find the child foster care sooner.

Answer 11

After you get some independent counselling I hope.

Answer 12

Im not for sure on all of these questions but i do that at any time you can decide on adoption. I personally believe its best way before the baby is born, that way you can have a say in the parents, pick parents you would like to raise your baby, get to know them and know that you're baby is going to a good loving home. Plus, they can be there when the baby their adopting is born if they wanted. Waiting until the end will likely put your baby in foster care until parents are found and thats never fun. Im not sure on how to find adoption agencys, that you'll have to do some reasearch on. Good luck!

Answer 13

Whenever you feel comfortable deciding....there is no time limit.  We are trying to adopt and at one point were matched up with a mom who was about 3 months pregnant...another time the expectant mom only had 2 weeks to go!  Neither worked out for us, but I guess it shows the range of when people contact agencies to place a child.  And yes, you can wait until he or she is born, too.  That doesn't happen quite as often as a lot of expectant moms like to already have a "birthplan" in place when the baby comes.  Look in the Yellow Pages under Adoption.  You should find some agencies or attornies in your area.  There are tons online, too.  Just be careful and make sure they treat you right and offer you counseling, etc.  Good Luck!

Answer 14

You can decide or change your mind at any point. If you decide on adoption, you can change your mind to parenting right up until your parental rights are terminated (this is a different period of time depending on what state you are in. Pennsylvania is 6 months I think and some states are as short as 48 hours). Let no one pressure you either way. Decide what is best for you and the baby. It is a huge decision. If you go to Child Welfare Information Gateway, I think they have a list of all the adoption agencies in the country. You can look at each on the internet and investigate their sites.

Answer 15

If you are considering adoption I recommend that you wait until after your child is born before making plans.

I made adoption plans before my son was born. I felt as though I had lost him before I had given birth to him. Making plans to place your child early on may sound like the responsible thing to do, but looking back on my own experience, I think it was simply a naive thing to do. Because I had made plans before he was born, and because I was not counseled on other options for keeping my child, I felt trapped by the adoption plan. I didn't feel that I could or should change my mind. It is just a lot of pressure to add to your situation.

Here are some links that might help you think through your options:

http://www.cafemom.com/group/26942?t=wid...

http://motherhelp.info/keepingyourchild....

http://motherhelp.info/

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_fa...

http://originsusa.memberlodge.org/

I wish you the best.

EDIT: A quick look at the link fam2fam.org (Adoptive Mama's comments) suggests that they would NOT be an unbiased resource for you. 1) They have an adoption plan layed out for you, but no parenting plan. 2) They offer you lots of incentives, like we'll give you some money to go to school if you hand over your child. 3) You can even apply on-line to lose your child!

I hope you are seeing red flags in agency advertising such as this. STAY AWAY if you have any hope of keeping your child.

Answer 16

You should wait until you have mothered your baby for a few weeks. It is extremely unfair to your child to lose out on the advantages of your colostrum and milk and the opportunity to spend some time with you "on the outside"

If you've never given birth before, it is impossible to know how much will change once you hold your child. Don't believe that not seeing your baby will lessen the pain and loss you'll feel at abandoning your little one.  It will most likely make your suffering worse. You owe it to your baby to look into those little eyes, and explain why you won't be parenting.

Answer 17

you can decide when you are ready and sure and not one minute sooner