When would a good age be to tell your 7yr old that her "daddy" isn't her father and now he wants in her live?

Question

She has never met him or even nows anything. Is it a good for her or should he just go away??

Answer 1

She ment life. jeeze! not that hard to understand. To the dude who wanted you to explain. Anyway, why does he want in her life fter so long. I wouldnt even let him. She will be confused of her her daddy is.Maybe even take this to court.

Answer 2

I believe things like this are best talked about openly from the very beginning.  When the concept is introduced in toddlerhood and gradually explained more in depth as the child matures, it's just an accepted fact of life.  The shock is never present.  

For example, your mom is referred to as Grandma from the time the child is an infant.  Gradually, the child grows to understand that Grandma is Mommy's mommy.  Later, it dawns on them that Mommy was once a little girl and Grandma was a young woman.  See what I mean?  There's never a serious sit down conversation where this whole bombshell is dropped.  It's just a casual, accepted fact.  

We have always casually mentioned my daughter's biological father from time to time.  Gradually, the meaning was explained bit by bit.  At 8, she is fully aware that her biological father is different from her daddy.  She knows she gets almost all her physical characteristics from her biological father's mother.  She calls him by his name when talking about him.  She knows her daddy adopted her.  She knows that she doesn't see her biological father because he has a problem with his mind that causes him to not think right, and Daddy and Mommy decided that it's better for her if he stays away.  We've explained that he loves her the best way he can, and that's why he allowed Daddy to adopt her - he knew it was the best thing for her.  At this point, it's almost a point of pride for her.  She's very well-adjusted.  

With your daughter being 7, the time to tell her is NOW.  The only way I can see is to have an Intro to Birds and Bees with her.  The tone of the conversation needs to be casual.  Don't sit her down and have a serious conversation about it.  That'll only make her anxious, because she won't really understand why you're so serious about it.  She'll just be left with the impression that it's a big deal and it's bad, because Mommy was so solemn about it.  Maybe bring it up while you're coloring together or playing with playdoh - nothing that requires too much concentration, because you want her to be listening.  Explain briefly that babies are made by a man and woman, and the people who made the baby are called the biological parents.  Sometimes biological parents can't be mommies and daddies, so someone else does it.  Then you can tell her that her daddy is the man who has always loved her and is taking care of her.  Then you can tell her briefly about the man who is her biological father.  Maybe his name, and point out some of the features she inherited from him.  Reiterate that Daddy loves her very much and will always be her daddy and that her relationship with him is very special.  Answer any questions she may have and drop the issue for a week or two.  

Give her time to digest it.  It's been 7 years.  A couple of weeks won't make much a difference, and if her biological father can't understand that, he's not in this for her best interests, anyway.  After she's had time to think about it, set up another coloring/play doh session and tell her that her biological father has been asking about her and would like to see her.  Ask her what she thinks about that and go from there.  Good luck!  I hope this goes well for her.

Answer 3

It depends on how serious he is.  If he's just wanting to see her and not continue to be there for her, then don't tell her anything.  It doesn't sound like he would be a reliable father if he hasn't seen his daughter for 7 years.  But if he has changed his life for the better and for good then maybe i would consider it.  But really only you would know.  I hope you make the right decision.

Answer 4

he wants her live? can you please fix that so i can understand i really would like to answer

Answer 5

The time will be right when the child is mature enough to understand the information given. If the child is very immature, then you might want to wait longer, but today many kids are advanced for their ages and act more mature. If that is the case tell them and be ready for any questions they may ask.

Don't force a relationship on the child let them ease into one with the biological parent.

Answer 6

ur gonna have to tell her sumtime... but u have to do it when she is ready NOT WHEN U ARE... good luck.. i pray all goes well to u n your family in this matter

Answer 7

You have to make sure that your daughter is ready it doesn't matter what  he thinks. He made the choice to not have anything to do with her for 7years now he needs to give her the chance to come to terms with everything. My husband adopted my daughter after I went through a situation similar to this. My daughters father only wanted something to do with her when it was conveniant and he didn't care about how it affected her. I finally sat down with him and explained to him that he was making things worse for her and thankfully he allowed my husband to adopt her. You should sit down with him and find out what is intentions are before you bring your daughter into the situation b/c she is the one this will affect.I pray that it all works out for the best

Answer 8

If he wants in her life, he can't just all the sudden, step in and be instantly a daddy.

He can, however, with your permission, inch into her life slowly, a playdate here, a snacktime there.  Nothing big.

She needs time to get used to this, and you need time to make sure he's serious before he becomes a big part of her life just to disappear again.

Answer 9

Tell Him,

You will have to sooner or later. You can never go wrong by telling the truth !

Answer 10

you will need to tell her. Explain that daddy is still daddy. A dad does all the dad things and is there for you. But she has another father as well

Answer 11

7 is not a good age because she wont understand.your child is the most  special person in your life. let him go he not good enough to be a daddy///..

Answer 12

First I'd like to say it's easier to give advice when you're not in the given situation.  Before telling your daughter I think it's important to decide whether her father wants in her life temporarily or permanently.  My best friend's little girl (she's 6) met her real dad about a year ago -- he stuck around for about 2 months and has nothing to do with her again.  In my opinion it would have been best for her to have never met him.  Now she asks about him, and wants to know why he doesn't come and see her.  If you believe the father wants to be a permanent figure in her life, by all means tell her.  I would suggest maybe just meeting him first and just telling her he's one of Mom's friends before eventually breaking the news to her.  Good Luck.

Answer 13

Her daddy is her father.  First, find out if this guy is serious. If yes and you totally believe he is and this is not some flash in the pan idea then you make a plan.  Make time just for her and tell her about how when people are in love they might make a baby. Sometimes they are married first but not always.  Wait for questions.  A few days later mention that once you and a wonderful man named  "John" were in love and had a wonderful summer together.  She might want to know more about John so be prepared.  Then you can tell her that you and John were so much in love that you made a baby girl.  Don't rush with the information - take days or weeks. Be slow if necessary.  The important thing is the LOVE part and WONDERFUL Summer and John part.   After that it should be up to her.  Don't know if he is asking for visitation or college tuition parity but I wouldn't promise much if he just showed up.  Also, it doesn't take much to father a child but it takes real work to be a father. So emphasize and appreciate the Daddy in all of this.  Distinguish between Birth Father and Daddy.