When writing your Will, how did you decide what happens to your children?

Question

I know its a horrible thing to have to think about but anything can happen right?

What factors influenced your decision as to who would be your childrens legal guardians if both parents were to die?

Financial security, being with family members, age of guardians....that sort of thing?

Who did you end up deciding on and why? And did you ask them 'formally' before you made it legal in your will?

Also have you spoken to the potential guardians about financial arrangements or any other specific things you would want for them if you weren't around anymore?

Answer 1

We decided on my mom. I know alot of ppl frown upon that because there is a better chance something would happen to her before us but then we can allways rethink/rewrite the will if that were to happen. We did ask her beforehand and she agreed. We both know that my mom raising our kids will be the closest possible upbringing we could give them and that was the main factor in our decision.

As for finacially we've put everything in our kids names in trust to her until they are 18. I've heard of people choosing someone else (other than the gaurdian of their kids) to handle the finacial portion of the estate to ensure that the gaurdian isn't spending the money badly but I've also seen an instance where this was awful for the gaurdian because the 'financial gaurdian' decided all the money was to go to education...period. So the childrens gaurdian ended up raising 3 kids with virtually no financial help and in the end only 1 of the 3 ended up using all of the money on university.

I think the 'splitting the kids from the money' theory would work well provided the person in charge of the money was sensible and was going to trust the childrens gaurdian in the way it was being spent. We have the kids and the 'assets' going to my mom because we know she will do it the way we would have wanted. We havent specifically said to her "alright, here is the plan...they're going to buy a house or get educated with this money" but she knows thats our plan and we think she would stick to it.

Good luck..your right, ya don't like to think about it and its a tough thing to imagine but cudo's for having a plan! Usually in a case where you don't have a plan they try to keep the kids in the family anyways but it deffinatly makes it easier and 'no questions to answer' if you leave it on plain paper.

Answer 2

We struggled on choosing a guardian for our children.  In the end, we decided it would be best for our kids to go to one of my sisters in the event of our death.  Being my sister, we are assured that our children will remain in constant contact with our families.  I have two sisters and it's sort of known that we act as guardians to each others kids if anything were to happen.  (It's kind of hard for all of our kids because they have 3 moms anyway!)  Finacial security is not an issue because my husband and I have plenty of life insurance that will not only take care of our debts but will go towards raising our children and there is more than enough.

Answer 3

One thing is that you can actually have someone who is legally and custodially responsible for your children and you can have someone else entirely who is responsible for the financial/money side. That may sound like it would complicate things but it might be an easier way to at least think about the choices you have. It took my husband and me years to figure this out and we finally did. I think you need to consider the age of the guardian(s). I don't think it's a wise thing, for instance, to leave kids with grandparents who may be well into their 60's or older. Also consider the lifestyle of the adults -- are they retired or do they work crazy hours or travel constantly or just have a lifestyle that would have to be completely altered to accomodate kids. Also, I felt like it was really important to find someone who knew my kids and who knew me well and would keep in mind my wishes for how to treat my kids. My husband and i both have siblings but we absolutely felt that we would not want our kids brought up by any of them, at least not ideally. We decided on my cousin and her husband who we are close with and who have kids only slightly older than ours. It is of course incredibly difficult to really imagine what the reality would be but I do know that these people would give all their love and attention to my kids and would respect them and consider the trauma they would have been through and would do their best to raise them with love and care as well as respecting my beliefs and wishes. I would definitely ask them formally. You should not have a legal document with their names on it as being in charge of your children without them knowing it exists. Good luck. It's not an easy thing to do at all and i certainly hope you never need it.

Answer 4

Interesting question.

I live in Australia and I THINK that it automatically the godparents who would take care of the children by providing a home, comfort and finances.  

Unless a will is present.

I suppose if you have 3 children with different godparents the children may then be separated - this would be tough.

It would be wise to discuss it with the potential guardian(s) about financial and other arrangements.

Answer 5

We wrote our will together when I was pregnant with William & Tobias.

We decided for our kids it was best to leave them in the care of our dear friends, who happen to be a g*y couple. Basically it was a hard decision, but Zeb would raise our son's like us. We spoke to him and his partner about it for around 6 months about it, and worked everything out. It was a very hard decision.

Zeb is 2 years older than me, but he is just like me in beliefs. Which for me was incredibly important.

Money didn't come up a lot. My kids do inherit our life insurance, and as well as our assets, plus our super. They also have their trust funds, in some kind of fund thing, where it gets so much interest.

So they do have money to fall back on to. BUT at the end of the day, that wasn't an issue for any of us. It was more the trouble of finding someone to raise them with the morals and dreams we have.

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Hope that baby comes for you tomorrow!!

Best Wishes

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Answer 6

first of all make sure they are going to treat your kids as you would. another thing if you feel they are not able to handle your assets,then have someone dish the money out monthly and how it should be used.

Answer 7

We decided there would be different people in charge of different things if that were to ever happen. For example, the actual guardianship would belong to one couple while there would be someone else guiding them spiritually ( taking them to church, teaching them about the Bible, etc...). We also left it open for any changes in the event any of the couples we have listed have dramatic changes in their life. Yes, we did speak to each one in private regarding our decision to make sure it was something they were ok with as well. Many parents are so concerned with the financial security of their children in the event that they pass away, and forget there is much more involved! Someone may be great for keeping a child's finances in order but may have different beliefs than you do. So, I would look at each thing separately. You may not find just one person who fits into each category. Which is why we have several people listed for different things.

Answer 8

I decided according to who would raise my children closest to the way I'm doing it. I want the kids to have my morals, values, go to church, and not be ignored or set to the side. For me it was my Mom. She's in her 60's, but I know she'd do right by them. I love my Dad and sister, but their morals are alot different. I'd sooner kill his family than let them raise my kids. So for me the choice was easy. I did ask her and she was honored. As far as money, that is what the insurance policies are to help with.

Answer 9

For me it was a very easy decision. Our little girl would go to my parents. They couldn't love her more and would give her a very loving home and raise her with good morals and values. Our situation is a bit different in that I'm an American, my husband is Scottish and we live in England. If something were to happen to us our daughter (and any future children) would go back to the States and be raised by my parents. My husband's parents are a good twelve years older than mine and they're both in poor health. There's no way my SIL would get her and my brother is a bachelor with no interest in children. My parents live in a lovely small town full of good people and schools while my husband's family still live on a very rough council estate. Money isn't an issue because the money from our insurance policies, sales of our properties, car, etc would go into a trust fund that would go towards the care, education, etc of our daughter. Yes I formally asked my parents and they were honored and touched that we would ask them.

Answer 10

If the kids are old enough ask them who they would like to be with.

Answer 11

I will be leaving my child with my twin sister who already has four children.  I have already put her name as my beneficiary on my life insurance, that way she can take care of our baby.  My brother doesn't have any kids and can't hold a job.  His brother has one son who he only gets only once every other week....he is a horrible father.  His sister has 4 children also, but her husband has horrible temper problems, and I wouldn't do that to my child.  My sister was the best bet.

Answer 12

We decided on my husband's sister to take the boys if something happens to both of us.  I asked her without the hubby even knowing but I told him later on.  We picked her because she is the only responsible person on both sides of the families.  We didn't talk about financial part of it.

Answer 13

I've thought about that, but I honestly have no clue what I would do.  I don't have any close friends or anything, and there's no one else I feel comfortable with being a 'parent' to my daughter should the need ever arise.  It bothers me that I don't have a 'backup plan' at the moment, but I don't really know what to do about it at this point.

If I did have someone in mind, I'd most definitely talk to them about it first.  Taking over raising someone else's child is a huge responsibility, and I'd want each side (being me and the other 'guardians') to discuss any concerns.