When you adopt a child, do you get to choose who you get?

Question

I need to know, can I choose the country, s*x, or age? What all do you get to choose from? I know that it sounds vain, but I would like to complete a family, and I don't need to get any "wild cards" that could throw things off anf make parenting harder. Thanks!

Answer 1

You do get to choose according to what they have..

Answer 2

Yeah, I'm pretty sure you get to choose. Or look at some and find which one you like the most. My friend was in foster-care, and that's what happened to her. People got to choose that they wanted her.

Answer 3

Adoptees are not here to complete your family, nor to meet your requirements.

Adoption is about finding a family for a child who needs one.  It's about the childs's needs; not yours.

Submit your shopping list, but you'll be in for a heck of a wait until the 'perfect' little adoptling is unfortunate enough to be in a position to be adoptable by you.

Good luck with that.

Answer 4

No,  I don't think so.

Answer 5

yea duh

Answer 6

im fairly sure you can because thats why alot of people go over seas because sometimes the children in this country arnt what they had in mind (in the nicest possible sense). most poeple are picking with their choice because its one you have to live with for the rest of your life so yes i do get to pick and choose.

Answer 7

yes but beggars can't be choosy. if you have certain aspects that you want it may take longer to find a "perfect" child for you. parenting is going to be hard with an adopted kid. they can have alot of psychological problems....like feeling like they weren't wanted

Answer 8

Yes! don't feel bad about it! My friend is currently trying to adopt & she asked the same question. And for those of you who don't think this is good for the child, it is. A loud, active child does not belong in the care of quiet, introverted people or vice versa. Whatever country you are trying to adopt from (outside of the US), you will have to go to that country to meet the child, get to know the child, and see if they are right for you to adopt!

try some adoption web sites like http://www.adoption.org , http://www.adoption.com or google orphaneges or adoption agencies in wherever you're adopting from!

Hope I Helped!

Answer 9

I agree with the last adoptive Mom. You don't adopt for yourself, but for the children.  You can request a certain type of child, by race and s*x and age, but just as with bio children there are no guarantees.  If you can not love and accept the children for themselves and realize all children have good days and bad days, or good years and bad years, then you are truly unprepared for adoption.

Answer 10

It depends on where you go to adopt your child. Some places let you choose your child, but others will assign you a random child with all of there information they have on them. A positive note is that you can meet with your child's family.

Answer 11

haha! yes you can choose, its not like a lucky dip!.

"oh geez, we got the asian one honey!"

Answer 12

Good Golly am i in the twilight zone, or what?

1) adoption is about the child.  Finding suitable parents for the child, not finding suitable children for the parents.

2) a child should not have a job to do.  ie, "completing your family".

3) "wild cards"-- sounds insulting but i'll give you the benefit of the doubt.  all kids are wild cards and you never know what you are gonna get.

4)a child that could make parenting harder.  Adopted children will be more difficult to parent.  Thats a given.  You will have to do a lot of research to help your child deal with adoption related issues.  Again, you never know what you are gonna get, your child may only have a few minor issues with adoption or your child may have huge major issues with adoption.  Its as individual as the child him or herself.

You will not be forced to parent a child you are uncomfortable parenting (country, s*x, age) but you don't get to choose a baby, like oooh i'll take that one.

check out informedadoptions.com or read "20 things adopted kids wish their adoptive parent knew".  Its a start.

Answer 13

LMAO - " I don't need to get any "wild cards" that could throw things off anf make parenting harder."

Hun - I got news for you... Adopted or Biological - they are all wild cards.

You could go through 9 months of pregnancy, eat all the right foods, excercise, and jump through hoops to make the perfect baby....

You could go through 2 years of screening and picking out a child to adopt - and think you have found "thee one".  

And then when they turn 2, 5, 10, 13, 15, 18, 21, 30, 40, ect.... you might just find out that... you managed to draw the wild card....

Fact is - Parenting IS about surprises. Parently is NEVER easy.   It's getting side swiped with those hair pulling moments, making it through those surprises, and getting through the hard times... that's what parenting is ....

If you're looking for easy.... kids might not be best suited for you.

Answer 14

You never know who is going to end up being a "wild card". Even the perfect baby could end up being a crazy lunatic. You never know.

Answer 15

YOU need to complete A FAMILY?!?!

The only way to do that - is to have one of your own bio children.

Sorry pal - that's not what adoption is supposed to be about.

Adoption should be about finding a loving home for a child that really needs it.

Go and get a dog - as you don't appear to have very good parenting skills.

Your attitude would greatly damage an already damaged child.

Adoptee's don't need yet another set of numb-skull parents to care for them - especially when the first set didn't do too well in the first place.

Answer 16

hopefully or u might get some ugly child that u wanna send back!!!!J/K!!!

lol

Answer 17

During your homestudy you and your counselor will discuss what type of child will best fit your household. You should discuss your s*x, age, and racial preferences then. Here's a website that you can visit to view available children.

www.adoptuskids.org

Answer 18

It depends on which website or company you use.

Answer 19

Yea well wildcard away buddy.  Close friends of mine went through that and there are no guarantees in the process despite the fact that they take your preferences into "consideration."

Answer 20

I never adopted before. But GOODLUCK and I wish you the best!

Answer 21

yes you do

Answer 22

yes course you get to chose!

you should give all kids a chance but its not like a lucky dip!! :)

you can say what age and s*x and nationality you would prefer but you might not find a perfect child with your criteria.

i think you must be a good person seeing that you want to adopt a child so I'm sure you'll do what is right! :)

Answer 23

hmmmm

Ok, you choose the country by adopting through that country. If you want a Chinese child, you would apply through China. With US adoption, you can choose race, s*x, age, and other factors. Being specific will of course make your wait longer.....but if that is what you want, I guess you have to be willing to wait for it.

All children are 'wild cards' and a bio child could be equally difficult to raise, if not moreso. Your parenting and willingness to be both open and supportive of the child's needs will help to ease a transition. If you don't feel like you can handle parenting a difficult child, I would suggest that you wait....as all children are difficult at one point or another...how you react and your love for that child are what make the 'wild card' moments worth it.

Answer 24

yeah, u choose, they dont just give u some kid and say here ya go! :P

Answer 25

yes but you cannot choose how they will turn out.  with the best intentions you have to keep in mind that they are someone elses blood and without indepth knowledge of the kids family you never know what you will get.  

make sure you adopt for what you have to offer more than what you hope to get...this way you have limited expectations.

Answer 26

yes

Answer 27

If you go through a state agency, you can choose every thing right down to the s*x of the child. Meaning, age range, ethnicity, s*x, even hair and eyes. But, the more selective you are, the harder it will be for them to place you with a child. After the tell you there is a child, you get to meet it and say 'yes or no' too. Thats what happened when I was adopted at 7 mos. but my family said yes =)

In international adoptions, you can probably do the same but they expect the families to be more open minded or have big bucks to back up their request. Good luck

Answer 28

I picked the family that adopted my son 2 years ago. I met them when I was 5 months pregnant. She was in the operating room with me when they did the c-section. Her and her husband stayed four days with me in my room with the baby before they started taking on parent hood.

I do believe you can choose... call an adoption agency.

Answer 29

i want my two points, so im just going to say yes

Answer 30

You can chose the child's s*x and age,but be advised that  there are not many babies the child is usually 3 and up. If you want a child from another country than you have to go to that country and go through their adoption process.

Keep in mind that Adoption is a selfless act ,don't be selfish because you do not want an Asian, African American or other nationality child. All children deserve a chance. Even Crack addicted babies

Good Luck

Answer 31

you write down what type of child that you desire then the adoption agency will ship you a child similar to what you have written