When you adopt a kid, don't they just grow up to love their real parents more than you? So what's the point?

Question

When you adopt a kid, don't they just grow up to love their real parents more than you? So what's the point?

Answer 1

Your question is confusing.  "Real" parents are the parents who raise a child, teach them right from wrong, love them unconditionally.  So if you are asking if my son will grow up to love his "real" parent, I certainly hope so!  He is my child just as if I would have given birth to him.

Answer 2

How can they grow up to love people they don't know?

The point of adoption is to give abandonned and orphaned children a loving home to grow up in.

Answer 3

I highly doubt there would be any problems.....the child is going to love the parents that sowed him/her love! Having a sister that was adopted she could care less about her biological parents...she only wanted a sister because she has 2 brothers and was missing that connection her friends had.having a sister! I also gave a baby up for adoption he is now 22 and more interested in my son (his brother) I don't ever refer to him as my child because I made the decision for him to have a better life with parents that would be able to provide for him. He knows who, where, I am and he doesn't call me or write me but he does have contact with my son.....I wouldn't worry........

Answer 4

The whole misconception with adoption & adoptees - lies in the stories of which parent the adoptee loves most.

I have 3 kids - do I love one child more than the others - NO.

The human heart is capable of loving many.

If the adoptive parents love their adoptee - and allow their adoptee to love everyone they care about in their lives - an adoptee has plenty of space to love all - including both sets of parents.

The problem lies with those adoptive parents that treat their adoptees as material possession - stating that they must love their adoptive parents above all others - and not letting their adoptees make up their own minds.

As parents - whether biological or adoptive - we are in charge of our children until they reach adulthood.

If we have done a good job - been fair - loved them without question - then - and only then - will they love us back.

If we have f*cked up - they'll run from us as fast as they can.

Yes - adoptees have a link to their biological parents - some choose to find it - some do not - but it does exist.

If adoptive parents perceive some kind of 'unfairness' with the balance of love - then - perhaps they're being a little selfish and unrealistic about how love should work.

Those adoptees that I know - that have had full support to seek out their biological roots - ultimately have a greater respect and love for their adoptive parents than of those that would behave differently.

It's not a competition.

Adoption should be about "IN THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD" - not about controlling another human being for the rest of their natural lives.

Answer 5

A couple reasons:

1- Adoptive kids usually come from a bad enviornment. Some adoptive parents want to give a good enviornment so the child will have the "tools" to succeed in life. Others don't even tell the child that he/she was adopted. And yet many adopted kids love the adoptive parents more. To them, they are the real parents. Sure, at first, when the kid finds out they'll be mad and sad, but when they get older, they'll realize who was there fore them; who provided for, raised, and loved the kid.

Answer 6

No, sometimes they don't know their adopted.  If they do, then they will of course long to know the biological parents but will love the parents who raised them.

Answer 7

No they don't love their birth parents more than their adoptive parents. You can love a niece or a nephew like your own child and even a God son or daughter like your own. Clearly you don't have children or are not close to any to know that love is more than birth

Answer 8

The answer to your question is no. You obviously have no experience with adoption.

To aout; Not all adopted children were left abandoned or orphaned. Many babies are lovingly given to an adoptive family because a " very brave" birth mother was simply too young to care for the child. There are many beautiful relationships developed between adoptive parents, birth parents and the child.

Answer 9

No, they may be curious about there Bio parents, but they will always love their adopted parents. I know, I am adopted and proud of it, you see I was chosen.

Answer 10

Are you kidding me?  A child will love his/her parents and by the way..adoptive parents are REAL parents..they feed, change diapers, and get up in the middle of the night for fevers just like any other parent out there.  Most children who are adopted know about it, and a lot of them don't even think a ton about their "birth parents"

Answer 11

i dont agree with your question but the point is to HELP somebody else and give them a loving and caring family and maybe the WONT end up loving the real birth parents, they might love you more just because you actually wanted to take care of them and love them

Answer 12

Children love the parents that raised them.  The parents that raise a child are the Childs REAL parents. I’m adopted and the only feelings I have for birthmother is being gratefully she had me, and put me up for adoption. The little I know about her I know I wouldn’t not have had a very good life if I had stayed with her, this woman couldn’t even hold down a job.  Other then that she is nothing to me.   Yes some adopted people want to seek out their birthparents but it doesn’t have to do with them not loving their Parents. They just want to know things like medical history, maybe where they got their eye color, what heritages they have that type of stuff.  In some cases people do not get the greatest adopted parents this can happen but then again people can be born to the not the greatest parents.

Answer 13

They can love us both - the adoptive parents and the birth parents!  It is their choice.

Answer 14

What Possum said...

My daughter has two mothers, and she loves us both.

Answer 15

You do not become a parent so that someone will love you.  You become a parent because you want to share your love.  I am an adopted parent, my children were raised knowing the were adopted. I encouraged each of them to find their birth parents as they expressed interest.  If one of them decides that the birth parent has more love to offer then than I do then, I would be fine with that, but it has not yet happened and I am not concerned.  So the point: To raise a child in a loving, nurturing home!

Answer 16

Probably not.  They know the people who adopted them as their parents, the people who loved and provided for them.  My real parents ARE my adoptive parents because in my mind, a parent does more than just give birth.  A parent gives care and love.

Answer 17

You adopt a child because you want to be a parent .

You want to raise a child and help that child to learn how to get along in the world successfully.

You Raise a child because you love that child and it makes no difference how many other people in the world that child loves.

You do not raise a child so that you will have someone to love you and only you.

You adopt and raise a child for that child's benefit -not only yours.

You love that child no matter what , how or whatever .

A parent is a parent forever no matter how that  child came to be -no matter where that child decides to go . Love . Bemo

Answer 18

They love who ever loves them back. They will always love their parents but you can be the parents that are there for them and in time your child will care for you fully like your own kin.

Answer 19

No.  I'm adopted and I love my parents.  I know also have a relationship with my bmom that I cherish.  But my adoptive parents were the ones there for me since I can remember.  I love them both, just differently.

Answer 20

Clarify who "their real parents" are, please? Do you mean their biological parents, because they are not the "real parents." The "real parents" are the ones who care for the children- feed them, clothe them, provide for them, love them- the parents who adopted the child. Not the people who donated the sperm and the egg. I am adopted, and I love the parents who adopted me, more than the woman who gave birth to me. Do I love her too? Yes, but definitely not on the same level. My "real parents" are the ones I love, and talking to other adoptees, they say the same thing...

Answer 21

I am adopted and i really dont care about my biological parents i know they created me but they gave me away to be loved by someone else and i was very loved and pampered.  i dont think a child feels that way unless they feel unloved at home then they want to go live with their real parents because they have a fantasy that their parents are rich beyond means and will lavish them cause they gave them up .but i wouldnt trade my life for all the money in the world and change anything about it...

Answer 22

I have 6 adopted children.  Although adopted children do sometimes want to find their biological parents, does not necessarly mean they are going to abandon the adoptive parents and go back to the biological parents.  My 23yr old does have contact with her biological mother now,but, she also tell her "you are my mother" but they are my "parents".  Kids know who loves them, feeds them, clothes them, and takes care of them.  Being a parent is forming lasting bonds with your children, wether they be biological or adopted, and when those bonds are formed, nothing will break them.  You have to understand, there is a "mother" and a "mom", there is a "father" and a "dad", mothers and fathers provide life to a child, moms and dads provide love, nurturing, and caring, children do not turn away from those who love them and whom they have grown to love as mom and dad!

Answer 23

If you are seriously feeling that way, then you have no idea what you are talking about.  

First, a "kid" is a goat.

Adoptive parents are "Real parents".  Parents are the people that raised the child.  

Birth parents are the ones that made the child.  I am not putting birth parents down, because they have made a very difficult choice in a world where abortions are readily available on an outpatient basis.

Answer 24

I was adopted. I grew up to love my real parents...the ones that raised me. Many people who are adopted will not ever get the chance to meet the people who gave birth to them...that is changing with open adoptions, but still...

I have found and met my birth family. They are great and in many ways I have a lot in common with them. I look at it as having two families. Kind of like if you had parents that were divorced...two sides of the family.

You ask a question which brought some discussion in the adoptee group that I belong to. I hope that you have been enlightened to your naiivity.