When you chastize your child, is it normal for you to let the WHOLE entire family yell & punish him, too?

Question

I used to be a foster kid all my life. Now I'm older, but this is still bothersome because I'm 24 & still get treated like a kid. The foster mom would yell @ me & punish me, & then humiliate & embarrass me in front of her family members, & they would yell & punish me, too. & this would be for things that's not even wrong, or a complete accident or unintentional mistake, such as accidentally knocking over my plate of food or something like that.

Then, EVERYONE else would come RIGHT behind her & yell @ me & make threats to bust my ash. They KNOW I have all sorts of medical problems & mental illnesses, like OCD, anxiety, depression, Tourette's, etc. Even NEIGHBORS would yell @ me & threaten to hurt me.

But when the other foster kids do something, the foster mom would get mad because I didn't tell her. But when I DID tell her, she'd tell me it's not my concern or not my business.

I know this is the past, but these people have me scarred for LIFE!

Answer 1

The only people who have permission to discipline our boys are me and my fiance. The only exception is that their grandmother watches them when we are at work and so while they are in her care she has the right to discipline them if the need arises. Fortunately we have great boys who rarely need disciplining. But if anyone else tries to discipline the boys then they will hear about it from us. It is the parents job to discipline their children, no one elses. And we would never discipline them for something accidental like knocking over their food, now if they intentionally knocked over their food which happens from time to time with children then that's a different story, but anyone with common sense can tell the difference between accidental and intentional. Sounds like you got one of those foster parents who are only doing it for the money they get every month. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's obvious that it's still affecting you even years later, my advice would be to distant yourself from those people if you haven't already and maybe seek some counselling if y ou haven't already.

Answer 2

Yikes!  No!  

The job of parenting falls to.... the parents!  Not siblings, friends, neighbors, etc.  People should never underestimate the scars that humiliating a child can leave behind.  

It sounds like you've had a rough life.  If you feel you need help, please get it.  Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear this.

It sounds like not only were you forced to live in a house filled with idiots and ignorance but more so a villiage.  

Sorry the system failed you. Become  a voice and join an organisation for foster care reform,  it will help prevent other children from the same fate.  It will in turn help you overcome the emotional damage that was done to you.

Answer 4

My life growing up was similar - but it was my mother who yelled at me and invited the whole family to join in.  She'd even lie to my dad so that he would think I did things I didn't do, so that she could watch him yell at me (my dad was usually gentle with us kids, but he defends his wife with a passion, and won't listen to anyone else's side of the story).  It was a really crazy existence, and still is.

I'm really sorry you had to go through that.  To have to lose your natural family, and on top of that be humiliated like that by strangers...I'm just so sorry.  They are sick.  No matter what you did they would never have been happy - which means it wasn't about YOU.  It's their sickness, their anger and ignorance, and they were trying to make you feel responsible for it.

YOU'RE NOT!

You have the power within yourself to heal.  It will always hurt, for sure, but they don't have to keep affecting your life.  If you haven't already, kick them out of your life.  They don't deserve to be a part of it.  You are strong (look at all you've been through!  You can do anything!!!), and you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.  If these people refuse to treat you respectfully, they don't deserve to be allowed in your life.

You've been through a tremendous amount of adversity in your life.  Give yourself credit for making it through all that, and understand that there are no limits to what you can do now...and you deserve to be happy.  I wish you all the best.

Answer 5

Sounds like you've had a tough life.  I do not think it's normal for an entire household to gang up on any one member, as punishment.  I do think parents need to present a united front, and act as a consistent team, but the enviornment you describe sounds really hateful.

I surely hope you reside now in an eviornment that's more nuturing,  and hope someday you find happiness.

Answer 6

My heart breaks for you. Please know that what you experienced is NOT how a functioning family is supposed to work. I think it's despicable someone as emotionally bankrupt as your former "caregiver" would ever have been licensed to foster. Foster parents are suppossed to be a safe haven, not the absuers themselves. What happened to you was NOT right. You were a child and had a natural right to feel safe and protected and loved. I'm an adoptive mom and believe you me, the only ones who do the disciplining of my daughter are my husband and myself, and we don't yell or call names or threaten. Those pricks have much to answer for, but please DO NOT give them any more of your power. They had it all when you were a child, but now that you are an adult... YOU have total control of your life. Live it well.

Happinness is the greatest revenge.

I doubt it's something those aholes can even hope to understand.

Answer 7

This is emotional abuse.  You have grounds to file a complaint against  her, especially if she is still doing foster care.  

There are abused adoptees and former foster children who are now filing lawsuits against the irresponsible social wreckers who put them into these abuse homes.  maybe look up one of these groups and see if they can help you.

Answer 8

thats not right thats like mental abuse....not very nice at all

u shouldnt get punished for an acident if its just somthing small like that....i thought my parents were bad... geeze...just cuz u hav mental illnesses duznt mean u should be treated differently...

if u already hav kids or eventualy get them dont treat them that way..plz dont do that...mental illness or not

its just not right 2 hav the whole family in on the punishment

yah.....