When you have a child with someone does it automatically increase your love for them?

Question

I dated the father of my child for 6 months before he broke up with me when he found out I was pregnant. Since then, he admitted he ran b/c he was a scared little jerk. Now he is very much involved in our daughters life and comes over every night to see her. He was even in the room when she was born. I have always cared for him deeply but now our relationship is platonic. I want more though. Is it just because he's the father of my child?

Answer 1

In my case it was different each time.  With the father of my son (he left when he found out I was pregnant) I didn't hate him or love him when my son was born.  I still to this day ( 7 years later) have no feelings for him.  With my daughter, I found that I loved my husband in a whole new way.  I loved him before but after she was born I felt a closeness to him that is hard to describe.  I love him so much when I see him with her.  It could be just your hormones and seeing the love he has for your daughter.  Try not to confuse that with love for you.  Maybe he does love you but maybe he just loves your daughter.  Since you will be in each others lives for the rest of time, you may need to go ahead and clear the air now so you don't let time pass you by while you are wasting time loving him.  I would go ahead and say something so that you can know how he feels.  If he still loves you, great, but if he doesn't it is better to know now so that you can get over him and learn to look at him as your daughter's father and look towards finding someone that loves you as much as you love them.

Answer 2

the bond gets stronger between a couple when they make a child together as its a special moment, so i do personally think you love someone more when you have kids. since being pregnant me and my partner have got stronger and in some ways made my love for him stronger too. although its not the same for everyone, a baby doesnt a relationship work, sometimes it ruins them. have a think about if you do really love him or just for your daughter. if she wasnt born would you still be in love with him? if you hadnt seen him again would you give him a second thought? follow your heart but think with your head. good luck.

Answer 3

not always.. once thier child is born their heart melts for the child but may not for you. Don't get hurt by hoping for something that may not be there anymore. Let him be the good dad he is trying to be.

Answer 4

It's only natural that you should be feeling this - that's why people get married, because of wanting a close bond, then having children if they can makes that bond closer and more wonderful.

That's how it was with my husband and me. We definitely found that our marriage and relationship grew more wonderful and stronger once we had our son.

Maybe there's a hope you and he could get together, which would be lovely.

Answer 5

Well, in a way -- let's face it, you're biologically geared to bond with a father in order to care for a child, so it's not unusual that you might have strong feelings for him.

However, unless he wants to enter into a committed, monogomous relationship with you, I'd keep him out of your bedroom.  You do NOT want to be the convenient kid-and-s*x drop-in.  It's not fair to you, and ultimately, it's not fair to your child, when they are old enough to realize what is going on.  

Answer 6

Not necessarily.  Children do not "fix" what is wrong in a relationship, and very often, the stress and lack of sleep that go along with parenting can just serve to magnify whatever problems already exist.

There have been many couples who had children in the hopes of fixing a marriage, only to find out after it was too later that they were very, very wrong.

Answer 7

I don't know what you feel for him. 6 months is not really enough time to judge the person ya know? At least he is a good father and that's all you can ask for. I think that when someone leaves when you are pregnant, scared or not, is a good indication of how that person is in life. Just remember that he is your ex for a reason, and just because he is the father of your baby doesn't mean you have to date him.

Answer 8

This is a question and situation you should be talking about with the father. It could be possible you care for him so much more because he is the father of your daughter and him playing his role as daddy is making you fond of him for being there for his daughter. You need to ask him what his thoughts are about maybe you feel that way because he is her daddy and is there for her or if you weren't ready to break up.

The most important thing though, even if you and him never get back together as a couple, you can be very good friends for the sake of your child.

Answer 9

I think if the love is there beforehand, it can increase.  Like for me, I am so in love my boyfriend and I want to have a child with him, b/c of my love for him, b/c I think it's the greatest gift I could ever give him.  But for others, it can decrease especially if the guy didn't want a baby and feels tricked into it.  It really depends on the situation.  I think what you're going through is b/c of your need/internal desire to give your child a "proper" family, to have her mom and dad together.  

Answer 10

It very well could be. He could just be safe to you. I know when I had my children and looked at my husband holding our new baby My heart grew 10 times its normal size..He is an amazing father and husband..Thats just my situation..