When you live together do you think everything should be separate?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have dated a year and recently moved in together. We plan on getting married within a year. So far I feel like we are just roommates because we split the bills and we take turns paying for things. And we both do housework and share other responsibilities. He makes alot more money than I do and I feel like he should be paying for more or we should just combine our money and pay the bills. He always has extra money for things he wants and I never do. For example, he's buying a new 4wheeler and paying cash for it. I am wondering how I am even going to pay for my medication next week that I have to have. Am I being selfish? When you live together should you keep things separate?

Answer 1

I was all for the our money thing and got a joint account for my wife and I. Then she started looking after everything and controlling it and doing a poor job of it. I sacrificed by brown bagging my lunch while she went out to lunch with her friends. She would spend a lot of money on things we couldn't afford and/or didn't need and it put us in debt almost to the point of bankruptcy.

I have just recently switched things around so that i have and account, she has an account and there is a joint account for bills. I still pay the lions share of things but at lest I have my own money again.

Bottom line, joint accounts are a nice idea, but you still need to have your own money. If one person makes more than the other then they need to share more to help pay the bills. Things need to be even and fair and no one should be 100% in control of 100% of the money or the other person will feel helpless.

Answer 2

if you share your lives that means everything. my husband and i started sharing things after a few months of dating because that is when we moved in together. it was his idea too even though he was working and i was in school. i was pretty impressed with that.

Answer 3

If your not married I think things should be separate. But I would think that he would realize you are struggling to make ends meet and would offer to help out. If not then he might just be to self centered.

Answer 4

I'm in the same boat.  My guy makes double what I do and we split everything 50/50.  I wouldn't want it any other way though.  If my funds get low I know I can ask my guy for what I need, esp if it's for something like medicine or bills.  I usually try to pay him back but he refuses so I just buy him something he'd want or take care of a house bill myself.  You should talk to him about your financial situation.  He shouldn't be giving you money just because but I'm sure he'd be fine in giving or loaning you some money for things.

Answer 5

This is tough. My husband and I have a joint account for bills and going out, then a seperate account as well...so if I want to buy him something it's not with his money or if he wants a new video game it doesnt come out of rent money. We split the bills because we make identical salaries...however if he made a good deal more I know he would take on more of it...I think you should talk to your bf about it

Answer 6

My bf and I just moved in together as well (we've been dating for 15 months). We split bills right down the middle (groceries, electric, and rent). HE MAKES AT LEAST TWICE AS MUCH AS ME. I have seen his bank statements and I have NEVER had that much money in the bank...ever. That said, I respect that he saves money and rarely spends anything big. I also know that if I really needed him to (not wanted him to, needed him to) he would step up and take care of things. It doesn't bother me that we split things, it would bug me if he was buying a bunch o' c**p but he doesn't...I'm hoping he's saving for a ring *wink*.

The bottom line is that if you plan on marrying him within a year you SHOULD be able to talk to him about these types of things. Explain to him that you are a bit stressed about money and if he could you would appreciate a little extra help this month. As much as we like to think, guys are not good mind readers...and I'll stress again that if you're serious and talking marriage the communication should be 100% there. Don't feel bad about at least talking to him...and keep talking to him about everything and anything. Once that goes, many couples go..their separate ways :(

**When you are married I think 150% the money is "OURS". Might want to clear that up too now instead of later...

Answer 7

no

Answer 8

my finace and I have lived together since July 2006, we will be married next year. He makes a lot more money than I do so he is how we handle it:

I get all the bills together and add them up, he gives me that money and I pay the bills. I bought the house so the house payment is mone and mine alone. We have seprate checking accounts now but when we get married we will have a house account for all the bills.

We share everything, I just write all the checks, LOL

Answer 9

my fiance and I live together, and we pay bills together.  He makes much more than I do and takes the bigger share.  He and I do pay our car payments separately, and medical bills, but food, utilities, entertainment/cable etc. are all joint bills.

Answer 10

The question should not be about now but about when you are married. Will it still then be HIS money and YOUR money? Bad mistake to go through with it with even the slightest doubt. How is it going to be when he's still buying boats and whatever, and you are still paying half the bills and having no say in the rest?  

Answer 11

Money should be shared.

Answer 12

Before I married my husband he did the same exact thing.  I was upset because I was barely making anything.  I did pay half though.  I then had a talk with him telling him that I thought it was unfair and his reply was he was scared that I would try to get a free ride for awhile and then leave.  I explained to him that I am not that type of person and we agreed to put our money in the same bank account and pay the bills from there.  We both can use the money when we like and it works out so much better.  We have been together now for almost 11 years.  

Answer 13

My husband and i share everything. What is gonna happen when you married? I feel he is rather selfish!! Speak to him about it....

Answer 14

No, he needs to be chipping in on expenses according to his income, which is still going to leave him with extra cash leftover at the end.  My BF and I say, well, he makes twice what I do so he pays for twice as much of the rent/food, etc.  If I were you I would move back out and say that you really can't afford the new lifestyle and that you need to pay for your medication, sorry!  When you get married are you going to have joint checking?  It is just such a selfish way to do things if you plan on sharing the rest of your lives together.  Very roomate-ish.