When you speak to someone and they do not reply, how do you react?

Question

On occasion, I will attempt to talk to people at family events or at work or around the neighborhood and they will no reply when I ask them something. I know they can hear me but they just want to do a power trip and show me that they do not need to be polite to me. They feel being non responsive or outright rude puts them in control. I come off as needy and they as powerful.

I can not avoid these people because they live next door or are relatives or important coworkers who I need their help, etc.

How would you reply?

Answer 1

Since your asking how would I reply, this is what I would do.

I would be sarcastic. If they dont reply on PURPOSE, I wouldnt think twice about returning the rudeness.

I would say sarcastically "Ok, Sarah thank you so much! You were so helpful!" They will be shocked or say something like "I didnt even say anything." Then you can say "Yea. I know." They trick is to have the last word then walk away. It leaves the impression that their rudeness does not fly with you.

Answer 2

Well, how can one "reply" if someone is not addressing them? If a person isn't talking to you, you can't make them do it. It's that simple. So if someone isn't speaking to me or is pointedly ignoring me, I've found I've had no choice but to move on...

We all have times and places where it seems we don't fit in, but you might want to ask yourself why this seems to be consistently happening....

To have only one person ignoring you is one thing, but to have a LOT of people doing it and they're in different social milleaus, and some of them in your own family? Well, there's a problem alright, and the problem is more than likely not coming from them.  

Quite frankly, I don't believe you are telling the whole story here. Why? Because generally people don't just "suddenly" stop speaking to other people for no good reason.  There are reasons why people find themselves alienated or in estranged relationships.

That sort of universal snubbing or shunning you describe indicates they are showing their disapproval about something you did or didn't do...or they are reacting to some communication or personality flaw you may have.  I know it's not what exactly what you want to hear, but it's more than likely the truth.  

Why do I say the snubbing may be your fault? Well, the fact that you use defensive words like "power trip" and also use language that indicates that a "battle ol wills" is going on...

Example: "show me that they do not need to be polite to me" as if you're putting yourself above them...and expecting them to give you deferential treatment? Fact is, they DON'T "need" to, some may want to and that's different...but politeness is a two way street. Are you being genuinely polite to them?

"being non-responsive or outright rude puts them in control"

does it? or are you projecting here? why are you setting up a pecking order where you're coming in dead last and then playing the victim?

"I come off as needy and they as powerful."

as if somehow you feel inferior to them...and you are defensive and angry about this so-called "inferiority." Well, as Eleanor Roosevelt said "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" ...

All those things tell me that you know something is amiss in your business and personal relationships and that you are not being completely honest with yourself or anyone else as to what's really going on..and that you're being too stubborn to admit this.  It also tells me that you are campaigning for sympathy...and for people to rally unquestioningly to "your side" and that you want to be the one who is "in control" rather than the ones who appear to be the opposition in your life.

Maybe instead you need to be completely honest with yourself, and identify what it is you may have done (or not done) to cause offense that's bad enough for this sort of treatement, and then work to fix it whether it's just an apology or a full on restitution or doing whatever it was that was legitimately expected of you. Admitting fault and showing a willingness to make amends is one of the hardest things for a person to do because it requires swallowing pride, but it can also be one of the most empowering experiences of a person's life once you've done your part to heal the ailing relationships. Here's some ideas of how you can do this:

http://www.ehow.com/how_2172342_rapport-...

If such a thing not possible for whatever reason, and it looks like those relationships are indeed in irrevokable breakdown, then maybe you should seriously consider moving on to a different job or even different neighborhood or state and just get a fresh start..and hope whatever the problem is doesn't catch up to you.

Answer 3

I have a boss and some neighbors that do the same so since they are so rude to ignore somebody when they are simply being polite i show the same rudeness and dont let them ignore me. I asked my boss a question the other day and he ignored me so i said "um hello are you listening to me" and i finally get a response out of him probably just to shut me up but hey at least he acknowledged i was there and next time if he doesnt want to be annoyed he will answer me the first time. As for my neighbor if i say hello and they dont respond i just say "okay good talkin to you we'll talk later" That tends to get an "im sorry i didnt hear you" out of them. s***w it if they're going to be rude then im going to be annoying. Works both ways.

Answer 4

If I were in your shoes I would bring a very close friend of the same s*x(or they will assume your dating) to these events with you(sounds like you need a little back bone) keep being polite but,now you will have some one there to not make it so your not relying on these other people to hold a conver- sation with you. I assume after a couple get together,you will feel more confident. Then you can let your friend off the hook :) and go alone...

GOOD LUCK  

Answer 5

A good rule of thumb is to shut the mouth and open the ears.  Wait until you have something solid and positive to say.  Then, others will not tune you out as much.

Answer 6

Just walk away...  try not to socialize with them and dont ask them any more questions... do your best not to be around them and just do you own thing..

Best of luck

Answer 7

Are you absolutely, positively sure that they can hear you?  Try to speak in a more confident manner, projecting your voice a little more.  If you act as if you are speaking in an off-handed manner and as if a response isn't really needed, then people pick up on that and don't feel obligated to respond - as rude as that is.  You are correct to feel that people feel a certain power over others by not responding.  Don't let them get away with it.  Speak louder with more confidence and use eye contact, and hopefully things will improve.  

Answer 8

I feel all people have a certain "essence" about them, that makes people react to them in certain ways - regardless of how nice, or rude/arrogant they are. I don't think it's so much that you've done something wrong or offensive, it's just your way about you that makes people think it's okay to disregard you. For example two people could make the same joke, in the same manner, yet people may be more receptive to person A and find the joke hilarious, while person B gets a couple of nods, a look of confusion, perhaps a smile, an "ohhh, okay". While presented in an identical manner, there's something about person A's essence that captivates and attracts people (even if A was a nasty person), while B's essence isn't as captivating and people feel it acceptable to disregard/mistreat (no matter how nice B is).

I suggest you just not bother with these people. Perhaps you can't avoid them completely as they're people in your immediate environment, however there's no reason for you to be making an *effort* - which is how you give these wanna-be lords power and control.