When you were growing up as an adoptee, did you keep your adoption secret from your classmates?

Question

I told a couple close friends growing up, but generally didn't advertise it.

Answer 1

The two kids across the street were also adopted, so it didn't seem like an unusual thing to be adopted in my own little neighborhood.  However, I got my first taste of how people don't understand when I was in the fifth grade.  Another girl, whom I'd never told I was adopted, walked up to me and told me that I didn't have parents because my parents were just foster parents.  We argued back and forth for a moment, but she insisted that they were only foster parents and I didn't have any parents.  It hurt and frightened me.  

I'm sure it was something she heard from her parents, who probably heard from a who heard from b and so on.  Somewhere along the line the story turned from "she's adopted" to "she's a foster kid."   But it was very uncomfortable for me and I had to ask my mother that night if it was true.  I was so afraid of losing another family.

Answer 2

i didnt.

i told all my friends,

and if anyone asked me about my parents or wahtnot,

i would tell them that i was adopted,

and my story.

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Answer 3

I did not keep it from people I know, but I did not get up in front of the class and announce it either.  I never purposely kept it from anyone either, due to the fact that I had nothing to hide.

Answer 4

I don't think I told any of my classmates.  Even today, I seem to stumble over the words if it comes up.  Not exactly a secret, but it seems so abnormal.  I didn't know anyone else adopted growing up.  And my parents didn't talk about it.  So I had gotten the message that it was unusual and something that I felt odd because of.  I don't know that I was ashamed, exactly, but I knew it made me different.  So I didn't talk about it.  I still don't, much.

Answer 5

I didn’t keep it from people but it’s not like it was the first thing I would say. I was never and am not ashamed of it but it just never seemed like a big deal that I needed to mention it straightaway. I still feel the same today.

I can remember a few years ago i was a meeting for Campus Crusade for Christ. Anyways this girl said she was adopted, it turned out there about 5 of us who were adopted.  I personnel wouldn't have brought it up at the first meeting, but since someone else did i had no problem also telling them i was also adopted.

Answer 6

Yes.  I was ashamed of being adopted.  

My amother usually blabbed the fact to other mothers, however.  Then I would have other kids tell me that they 'knew' I was adopted.

Answer 7

secret? heck no. why would i? i lived in a very small town. my graduating class was all of 36 kids, the largest in history there. NO SUCH THING AS A SECRET. i wouldnt have anyway. i am not ashamed of where i came from. never have been.

i did feel like an outsider, but now that i look back it was more because i was just simply different. i didnt like alot of things they did, but i went along. it was high school. it seemed everyone went along with whatever.

i dont talk to any of them any more. i dont need to have their acceptance. my old 'crew' is still close, except me. sometimes it makes me upset, only because they were so closed minded about my unique view on things, but mostly i am glad to be away from them.

i have never been ashamed, even when they taunted me and called me names for being adopted. it wasnt my problem, it was theirs. my bfamilies issues at my birth werent my problems either. i refused to take responsibility for that. another reason they didnt 'get' me.

oh well, c'est la vie.

Answer 8

I didn't announce it to the world but it came up in conversations and I wasn't ashamed of it. Same thing today. If it's relevant to a conversation or it's brought up, then I'll tell them I am an adoptee. Otherwise I don't wear a sign or try to hide it.

Answer 9

No I was proud of the fact I was chosen.

Answer 10

i am still growing up but i have told my closest friends and i have started telling others as well. i think i share my "secret" because i like the attention and it feels like thats the only special thing about me.

Answer 11

I agree with several others here. I wasn't ashamed and it wasn't a secret - I think most people knew - but I didn't run around telling people, any more than I ran around announcing anything else about me. If it came up in conversation, fine, if not, also fine.

Answer 12

I didn't openly tell anyone. A couple of times I had friends over and my older brother told a few of them. But it never came up in conversation and if it did then I would tell them.  :)

Answer 13

Oh gosh yes, a HUGE secret.   Schoolmates who I still see today are so shocked when I tell them, they really never knew

Answer 14

I actually agree with Adorehim. I never really advertised it like in front of class, but i never kept it a secert. If people asked, depending on how they asked, i would tell them.

Answer 15

lol, i actually did get up in front of the class to discuss it!  We were each given a current event topic and somehow, i got adoption (must have been something going on at the time).  Needless to say, i did zero research that evening; next day, i was the second to go. . .got up with a big smile and said "I am adopted and i don't care who my bio family is" . . then i sat back and waited for the questions .. turns out, i didn't have to wait long  lol My teacher seemed sheepishly embarrassed, hands shot up and he told me he didn't know but i didn't have to continue if i didn't want to but i told him i thought i was probably most qualified to speak about and i didn't mind.  As usual, first questions were "why don't you want to know" (just didn't; i had parents); are you scared? (of what? the end of the world??) medical concerns (didn't matter - my mom had cancer that ran through her family and my dad had diabetes in his -- ANYTHING my bios had would have to be better lol); things like that and i ended up taking up most of the class hour.  It wasn't so bad but i know my teacher seemed a little embarrassed.  Even at that age, i assured him it was perfectly okay and it wasn't something i felt ashamed of.

oh, and I got an A on the assignment :)

Answer 16

No, However the question never came up weather I was or wasn't adopted.  I shared that personal information with my best friends, as for those that didn't know, it wasn't their business anyways.

Answer 17

No. I was proud of who I was. Being adopted wasn't something I was ever ashamed of. I always knew it meant that I had family... who cares how I got that family. But, it wasn't like I went around bragging about it. If someone asked me about my family, then I would say I was adopted. I am still that way...

Answer 18

No, I never kept it a secret.  I remember being asked "what are you?"  as in ethnicity or background, and telling people I didn't know because I was adopted.  And then that would lead to all the predictable questions. I had two adopted siblings(not related) so I never felt alone as an adoptee. Kids would often tell us we didn't look alike and we matter-of-factly told them it was because we were adopted. Everyone as a kid pretty much knew because we didn't look like each other or our parents.

As an adult it is different.  I rarely have cause to talk about it.  When it does come up people will say "Oh, you never told me that"  as if I were keeping a secret from them. But  it has never been a secret to me, just a part of who I am.

Answer 19

Not an adoptee but I am in the processes of adoption. When i tell people i find out how many people around me are adopted.  They share their stories and tell me how great it is my wife and I are doing this.

Answer 20

It wasn't a secret but it wasn't something I talked about.  Anyone who saw me and my sister together had a pretty good idea that we came from different gene pools.