When your child isn't being nice...?

Question

My 7 year old daughter (first grade) has a classmate that she doesn't particularly care for, and my daughter sometimes she says mean things to her, subtle things like, she can't sit in a particular seat, or telling other girls not to play with her. But then, sometimes they do play together just fine. I admit my daughter isn't a saint, and she isn't hiding her dislike for this girl. I've tried talking to her about being respectful to others, leaving her alone, etc., but it hasn't seemed to help much. Any constructive suggestions on how to deal with this?

Answer 1

we don't have to like anyone in this world -and your daughter has that right.  instead of hiding her dislike, teach her how to get along with people and act respectfully to them regardless of her personal opinions.

Answer 2

SPANK HER

Answer 3

Just because the other girl is clingy and oversensitive doesn't give your daughter the right to be a "mean girl".

It is an important social skill to be polite to those we dislike.  Your daughter needs some socially appropriate ways to deal w/ this girl.  She also needs to know that it is NOT her place to tell other girls who they can play with.  That is a bullying action and it needs to stop.

The other mother has a valid point - her daughter is being bullied and she wants it to stop.  I think your daughter needs to lose privileges.  If she makes the other girls choose between them, she should lose her play time with those girls.  Enlist the teacher's help in establishing social boundaries for your daughter.

Answer 4

well you either spank her or have her father deal with her

Answer 5

Leave her be. Girls will be girls and I feel sure that someone has treated her this way and she's reacting by doing it to someone else. It's just kids being kids. She's fine. However telling her or giving her an example of 'another' way is great. We call this process "making choices". You have a choice to do it this way, or that way...which would be the "better" choice? As long as she knows the better choice, she's just a typical kid. Kids can be so mean.

Answer 6

Wow I have never had a problem like that yet. so far my kids just love other kids no matter what, I guess I am lucky.

Answer 7

tell her to ignore the child. just dont give them any effort and they will get bored of having no reaction. it might take a while though.

Answer 8

Put her over your knee, thats what any good mom would do.

Answer 9

do you witness the behavior or does the teacher ever see it?  i would suggest that if the teacher has witnessed this...have the teacher send home a simple chart - smiley face if your daughter treated her classmates with respect or an unhappy face.   otherwise, you do the chart if you witness. Be consistent and tough on your daughter - teaching respect and tolerance (to a point) is so important , good luck!

Answer 10

Why doesn't she like her?  Maybe you should arrange a playdate so the girls could get to know each other outside the school setting to see if that can help find a middle ground.

Honestly, I would explain to her that the things that she is doing are hurtful and ask her how she would feel if somebody did that to her.......

Answer 11

Yes, pay attention to how you are being around people you don't like, or what you say around people, or other adults around her say.  Kids learn fast from observations, not being told something.

Also, you can talk to her more about how she would feel if those things were said to her or about her.  Think twice and be nice.  Before you do something - think about how you would feel, if you wouldn't like it don't do it.

Answer 12

just keep talking to her about it. She doesn't have to be friends but what she is doing is bullying. You need to punish her if she keeps it up

Answer 13

I would talk to her about empathy.  Ask her if she would like it if other people said she couldn't sit with them, play with them, etc.  

I would tell her that there will be people she doesn't like and that's okay - but that we all have to get along with people whether or not we like them, and we don't get to be mean to them just because we don't like them.    

And I think you're right when you tell her to just steer clear of this girl. That's also a valid strategy.